General Supporters & Sufferers Of Combat Ptsd - May We Connect?

[ClearAsMud]

I would like to connect with supporters of combat vets with PTSD, and sufferers as well. I'm having a very difficult time reading through all the posts about horrible things such as rape, incest, violence and many other brutal traumas. I really REALLY have empathy for those poor folks. However right now I'd rather stay away from those discussions. It's too much for me...I just need to focus on supporting my hubby and taking care of myself too.

I hear that the Combat PTSD forum has now been restricted to sufferers only, which I can understand...but I welcome connecting with you as well on this forum, because you know what it's like to have been there, done that, and more importantly for me, what it's like to come home.

Many people think my hubby had it cushy in Afghanistan because he was not a combat soldier. He was mostly behind the wire, working to help maintain our country's assets at KAF and one of our FOBs. He was there for three years, and believe me...those people are WRONG. My hubby earned the unwanted label of combat PTSD sufferer. I'm never going to tell his war stories, they are his...but he did not have it easy over there to say the least.

My hubby is suffering, and as a result I suffer to. I want to support him as best I can, so I'd like to hear from other supporters how you cope, what you find helps, or doesn't. And I'd also really like to hear from combat PTSD sufferers...what do you want from us??!? I will do anything for my babe...so just tell me...what should I do??? Most of the time everything is just fantastic, but it can turn on a dime, or sometimes I can see it coming a mile away. Regardless, I need help for those times, the bad times.

 

[myvetswife]

Is your husband in treatment?

Communication is the key for us. Telling me what he needs if he is having an episode. Thats very hard for him, because most of the time he can not say. He would like a cuddle but doesn't want to get touched. He wants to be alone but I'n not suppose to leave the room.

It is hard for him but I tries to tell me. So we can work on it.

 

[ClearAsMud]

Hi myvestswife.

No, he is only on medication, which seems to help, but he's not getting treatment. He went to one visit with the psychiatrist and got prescribed drugs, and once to the therapist who I think was starting emdr, and he found that too weird. He is resistant to treatment for some reason, and I haven't pushed it, but I hope he does go some day when he's ready.

He is very good at communicating with me, some times it's me that can't cope and acts the fool. Lots of information here is helping me to understand and learn better ways to deal with things.

He wants to be alone but I'n not suppose to leave the room.

I can sure relate to that comment.

Would you mind if I 'follow' you?

 

[HollyB]

Like you, Mud, I have a hard time reading posts/threads that involve non-combat traumas. I was also disappointed when I visited the MyCombatPTSD forum and saw that the supporters were (often rudely) kicked off that site. I feel that Combat PTSD is a different animal than PTSD caused by other traumas. I also feel that the best support network comes from engaging individuals in both sufferer and supporter roles. Limiting that site to just sufferers kinda hurts both, IMO.

So yeah, I wholeheartedly would like to connect with Combat PTSD sufferers and supporters alike here.

 

[ClearAsMud]

Thanks HollyB. I joined the forum after supporters were no longer allowed on MYCombatPTSD, but I think that would have been very useful. Regardless, hopefully we can connect this way.

Would it be alright if I follow you?

 

[gemstone]

I definitely would like to connect too! In terms of coping...I am still figuring it out and he's been home and out of service almost a year. Sometimes I feel alone with our kids, other times...we're a great happy family. I'm learning to cope with his issue with crowds/anxiety/paranoia. I'm an extreme extrovert so it became hard for me not to get snippy when he wouldn't leave the house to do "fun" things. I'm trying to find a happy medium. Lately, I just take the kids somewhere if he's in a bad mood. I let him talk about his time in service whenever he wants. Something will trigger and he'll go off on a tangent about a topic I've heard a thousand times before.

I've been learning as I go. I keep triggers away. I found out the hard way that we can't have liquor in the house. I don't drag him to crowded events. I am extra cautious when driving on the road (he was blown up 3 times). I dunno... Sometimes I have it all figured out, other times...he lays on the floor half the day in pain with his back, and quiet/depressed. He refuses counseling and has his first VA mental eval in January. So far the VA has done nothing to impress me...we shall see. It gets hard on me though. Sometimes I feel selfish for being so mentally exhausted with him. I struggle with it almost daily...

 

[Anna]

I would like to connect with supporters of combat vets with PTSD, and sufferers as well. I'm having a very difficult time reading through all the posts about horrible things such as rape, incest, violence and many other brutal traumas. I really REALLY have empathy for those poor folks. However right now I'd rather stay away from those discussions. It's too much for me...I just need to focus on supporting my hubby and taking care of myself too.

Best thing to do is read the name of the thread clearly before you click on it, don't read it or click on it before you are sure. Most people always write the topic at the start of the thread so you can select what you want and what you don't want to read.

Also in the supporter section there is not much written about the trauma themselves, it is purely for the supporters.

I certainly don't read through all the threads, there are simply too many!

It is also possible to search for what you need and filter the other stuff out.

 

[CrazyHorse]

He refuses counseling and has his first VA mental eval in January. So far the VA has done nothing to impress me...we shall see. It gets hard on me though. Sometimes I feel selfish for being so mentally exhausted with him. I struggle with it almost daily...

I am sorry for your struggle! Nothing about your situation strikes me as selfsih. I have a very strong oppinion that it is a sufferes obligation to get help in order not to allow PTSD to inflict damage to your self and your loved ones, more than it already does.

 

[discarded]

Like you my husband was in support roles within the wire for most of his time in Iraq, he feels it weak to have PTSD when he wasn't out on patrols etc. It is so hard to help them when they are so down on themselves for not believing they have a right to the illness in the first place. You will find heaps of support and advice gained from first hand experience on here.

 

[ClearAsMud]

It gets hard on me though. Sometimes I feel selfish for being so mentally exhausted with him. I struggle with it almost daily...

Yes, I couldn't agree more on this, and I respect your resilience.

I'm just tired of trying to be perfect and supportive all the time. I think I'm done...I can't do it any more. I don't need the constant struggle. We've broken up almost daily this week, and then he pretends as if nothing happened, or comes to me for an apology. And when I don't apologize he gets mad again. I don't even think most of his anger and need to dominate me are war and/or ptsd related. I think he's just a bully, and is used to being in command, which may be why he was so good at war and cannot cope at home. I don't understand why someone like him would ever choose a strong-willed, independent woman like me.

I think I need to move on...this negativity is so toxic and I'm so unhappy. I don't even think I love him any more. He's not the man I thought he was, not even the man I thought he was WITH PTSD. The only regret I have is that I was wrong about him, and that I tried for so long.

I'm terribly sorry that this thread that was supposed to be a positive way for supporters to connect has turned into me giving up. I've failed...I need to admit that and get over this, so that I can heal and start over. PTSD hurts far beyond the sufferer. :cry:

 

[Sailorgal]

ClearAsMud,

There are lots of resources online to understand combat ptsd. Remember, none of the symptoms or "cures" are a one size fits all. Yes it is unique because these guys go into this with training or warned about risks.

My ex was front line in 3 tours...I only know a few stories but seeing the little I did, he is obviously not the same guy I first met. I heard stories about other guys with ptsd. They must be strong and invincible, not showing emotion. But they carry pain, guilt, both for the war front and at home. They know they aren't the same. Anger is frustration. They isolate themselves. You can't expect him to be the same person.

It's hard because you have kids....he has to be willing to make an effort on his own. But even that is tough as they are trained to be self-reliant and strong for everyone.

There are support groups for wives of vets...it doesn't hurt to even check with the military bases to see what programs are there. Integration to normal life back home is VERY difficult for many even without PTSD. Think, if your life day in and day out was like one of those war movies... For some, they are reliving it everyday.

I'm not saying this is true of your husband, but my ex told me he was always afraid of letting me down. War was his life, duty, and honor. Emotions turned off. Being in love? Too hard for him....

Sorry can't offer any remedies. Just sharing a bit of insight to what I've seen as a few clients were Vietnam vets with ptsd. Wishing you strength and patience.

 

[ClearAsMud]

Thanks for the reply Sailorgal. And thank the stars we do not have children!! I don't know how people with kids can cope. My dog is even afraid of him on his bad days, and I'd hate to put children through this. Hats off to all the partners who not only have to be concerned about themselves and their sufferers, but also to care for their wee ones.