General This thread is only for supporters, sufferers please stay out

[Never_falter2]

So I did read threads on the newly created vet board and it gave me an ugly picture in my head... and I don't blame anybody but myself because I think it was never meant to be for my eyes which I realized to late.
Similiar things have happened to me before when I was reading about bad things that have happened or even when I was watching war movies. I avoid them because of that.

I am not even sure why I post this. I really, really, really do not want to say that it was wrong of them to post this. That's why I said "supporter thread, sufferers stay off". I do not want to hurt anybody's feelings.

It is just that sometimes it is hard for me to cope with the fact that the world is such a scary place... and I feel like I need a hug. Typically when I do feel bad I tell my guy, but now I cannot tell him, because it would make him feel bad (and he is at work).

 

[dulcia]

I hear you. It's a completely unfiltered place with like minded people who have seen and been through like minded things. I know my vet thinks and feels a lot of the same things as they're posting and commenting. Combat's a bitch -- I can't imagine how it would change me.

If you want to think of brighter side of it, maybe focus more on the fact that they're actively reaching out and connecting with people instead of a potentially darker alternative... Most of the time, it's best for us to just stay out of there.

 

[Never_falter2]

Thanks @dulcia.
Yes, it is good they are reaching out.

Actually I had no idea what some of the threads were about. It was not clear from the title. Otherwise I would not have looked at them.
Actually I was not talking about the things the vets were feeling or thinking, but mostly about how the wrote about things they have seen... some of this things were sort of horrific an now I have an ugly picture in my head. Did this ever happen to you? Did you ever have a picture in front of your inner eye you could not get rid of?

 

[dulcia]

I got with my vet after he retired, so it's hard for me to picture him in a combat scenario. He's talked about some of his experiences, and that is hard, but I don't really picture it, so to say. I consider myself a very optimistic person that sees the good in people and hopes for good in the world, but unfortunately, the world is a f*cked up place sometimes. Seeing/hearing about/picturing f*cked up things doesn't really mess with me any more. Sorry I couldn't be more help.

 

[Sweetpea76]

There is a reason they get PTSD from combat. It's horrific. We as civilians have zero clue as to how bad it gets... we may think we do because of Hollywood, but it's fluff compared to the real thing. War is hell. People killing each other and trying to survive. It's not romantic, it's not exciting. It's rage and terror. Nobody has any idea how or what they'd do in combat unless they experience it. My vet has told me this repeatedly... you'll never get it, because you can't "get it" unless you were there. I believe him.

I know what my vet did for a living. I know his MOS and what his job was, how often he patrolled outside the wire, etc. He is visibly injured from combat. I know how the injuries happened. He told me the stories... BUT I'm smart enough to know he's adjusted them to my civilian ears.

I don't need the gory details he may share in therapy or with other vets. I just need to get the jist of it, and have compassion. He will tell me what he wants me to know.

I also stay out of the trauma forums. I don't need to know the specifics, all I need to know is bad things happened, way worse than I could ever imagine, and that's why they have PTSD. Trauma forums aren't the places we as supporters need to be posting or asking questions about our relationships or partners. They're for peer to peer discussion. Just like how we don't always want sufferer input (this thread even), they don't always want supporters in there asking questions when they're trying to discuss trauma. I may occasionally comment on a thread if I legitimately have something to contribute, but I don't go in there to start threads or ask questions. If we have a question and we need a vet's opinion on, asking it over in the supporter section works. Just title it "looking for veteran input" etc.

 

[Cflr]

Strangely, I would like to know more. I also met after his mil. retirement (sort of) and have been told lots of bits and pieces. Unfortunately, I can't be sure if it's real. Some certainly is (validated), but other stuff seems bigger than life.
Sometimes his "life story" doesn't make sense. Should I care?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Do you know what his MOS was? If you think he's telling tales, ask what his MOS was... that was his "job" while he was in. If, for instance, he's saying he went on sniper missions with Navy Seals but he was a quartermaster, or worked with computers, then you'll know if he's flinging a little BS.

"Life story" as in his entire life? Or just military things?

 

[LuckiLee]

I have to admit the OP kinda made me laugh. This is a Post TRAUMATIC stress forum. We're dealing with incest, rape, murder, csa, dv, cult's, child abuse, and yes war.

The whole point of this forum is because yes, the world is scary and horrific!!!
My guy actually shares quite a bit with me. Not all the gorry details of course but how he felt and how some of it affected him at the time. I'm glad he finally has someone he feels comfortable sharing his experiences with.


@Cflr. My guys life is pretty unbelievable too. I keep telling him to write a book. If you have doubts about his experiences maybe try to find out where and when he was stationed. (trust your gut).

(((hugs))) @Never_falter!!

 

[Cflr]

Do you know what his MOS was? If you think he's telling tales, ask what his MOS was... that was his...

Is thos whete I reply?

Ok, maybe I have finally found the correct way to reply. It's confusing..the posting procedures.

Dulcia, I know he was had certain training. The VA has been willing togive him various kinds of treatment. The only dd214 I have seen is old but supports his being in spec. ops.
Some of his stories are military, some civilian. They are well rehearsed because he's a really good story teller. They are usually vague on time frame and seldom told directly to me. Maybe he assumes I have heard them.
He's just not very open about his life. There are nig gaps. Not knowing makes it hard to help and lets me know that he needs me but doesn't trust me.
On the other hand, he has gotten better about telling me where current paperwork is and sometimes taking me to an appointment with him.
I come from a background where we were somewhat open about our lives.

That should have been ...there are big gaps...

 

[LuckiLee]

The gaps in his timeline are probably due to his memory. PTSD can have effects on the memory too. My guy correlates years with where he was stationed and which conflict he was in at the time.

If I mention something I did when I was younger he will say " I was in Somalia then" or whatever the case may be.

If he's being treated at the VA my guess is he's telling the truth.

Keep reading around the supporters forums, lots of information there for you.

 

[Sighs]

My father is a combat vet as are his 3 brothers. They never talked about the war unless they were together. As a kid I sometimes listened in when I'm sure they had no idea I was there. I learned to "skim" over the details. I can do that if I'm reading or listening. I avoid war films because I find visual images very hard to skim over. I know my mother feels like you do @Never_falter - once she hears it or reads it she has a mental image in her head.

I find it harder to skim over the details with my vet. I guess as his partner I find it harder to deal with the fact that he went through those things. I guess as a kid you think your Dad is invincible - but as an adult you can see the damage war has done to the man you love.

@Cflr - google about how trauma prevents the lay down of memories. My guy really struggles to place events in time and space. He has recently reconnected with a bloke he served with and he keeps saying "I'd forgotten about that until he reminded me!" He says there are SO many events that they all blur to an extent. (Having said that I've seen his military paperwork so I sometimes can provide him with times and dates that he can't recall.) My advice is do not push him. Some supporters seem to feel like they need to know the details so they can "understand" their sufferer. Its pointless. No matter what he tells you, you will never understand. And once you've been told you may struggle with that knowledge.

 

[dulcia]

@Cflr, I mean if he's got he's DD214 then that supports him saying he served, right? Idk what more you really need to know to "be sure it's real".