How We Can Break Loneliness

[Tanishq]

That to me is perceptual and depends on your ability to accurately assess signals and situations to select more promising relationships. I also think that it's burdensome and very limiting to place the desire for someone to "understand what I have gone through."

I have felt bad to do this. Think in that way and I have felt I am doing something wrong which is not myself.

I think, I don't understand myself either and I don't listen fully and carefully what my heart says.

I always felt hardness because of this. I think I picked up this all from news papers, how they write I need a partner who has higher salary and is perfect. My mistake.

 

[Tanishq]

if I sense someone is in relationship with me because they are too needy... I back off.

It does sound like a burden on back. I am sorry.

 

[The Albatross]

You can certainly copy whatever you wish, but please read the two articles as well.

Cacioppo theroizes that lonely people need to change their perceptions, thoughts and actions toward other people. That perceptions are faulty or askew and that in order to have more satisfying relationships and to be able to select more accurately promising relationshipes, that needs to be rectified.

“Effective interventions are not so much about providing others with whom people can interact, providing social support, or teaching social skills as it is about changing how people who feel lonely perceive, think about, and act toward other people,” ~ John Cacioppo

 

[Tanishq]

It makes so much sense. Very helpful one.

My eyesight and mindset has definitely changed last 7 years. Now I need to change it in positive and effective way.

 

[The Albatross]

Hmmm. The best way I can describe "Cacioppo’s theory of loneliness as a natural urge gone awry" is "an over active urge or instinct". One that is "out of balance".

Like hunger is a natural urge. But an over active urge for hunger results in overeating and obesity.
Sex is a natural urge. But an over active urge for sex results in promiscuity, higher risk situations.

There are others... but in these two examples, the results of over active urges, or urges that are "out of balance", there can be unintended consquences for indulging the urges instead of self restraint.

To apply that back to loneliness, if there is an over active urge for relationships (and in your case as you said in your post for someone to understand all that you've been through)", you may be in a pattern of experiencing the unintended consequences of a string of failed relationships or relationship difficulties, because perceptually you are driven more by the urge than you are by endeavoring to make a more favorable selection by accurately assessing people.

Best I can do. I hope it helps.

 

[Tanishq]

I am understanding what you are saying and where I am making/have made mistake in past efforts.

Thank you Alby. I appreciate the time and support you gave me here. :)

 

[The Albatross]

There are various theories and interventions for loneliness. I'm just giving you the one that I subscribe to, the one that serves me best.

Doubtless others will come forward and offer their own experiences and perspectives. Glad to have this discussion as it helps me reaffirm for myself why I believe what I believe and being at times, a lonely person myself I needed to refresh it and appreciated the topic.

 

[quaintpapercut]

To apply that back to loneliness, if there is an over active urge for relationships (and in your case as you said in your post for someone to understand all that you've been through)", you may be in a pattern of experiencing the unintended consequences of a string of failed relationships or relationship difficulties, because perceptually you are driven more by the urge than you are by endeavoring to make a more favorable selection by accurately assessing people.

This is really insightful. Has a lot of truth in it for me as well. Or at least explains why I have constantly been in a relationship since a teenager. I was never the dependant though, I always sought out people who needed my help in some way. Probably so they wouldn't leave me.