Private Thoughts And Experiences- Should I Tell?

[Sumin]

I had a disagreement with my other half a couple of weeks ago and although we've 'resolved' it, I am still struggling to figure it out.

There was an element of my trauma and more importantly, my subsequent behaviour that I did not share with him. I never had any intention of sharing this with him because to me, it is private. Surely I can keep some things to myself; trusting a partner doesn't mean being compelled to tell them everything, every thought and action, does it?

He was trying to make out that I was being manipulative and he was hurt that I couldn't trust him and that if I'm keeping secrets about myself then our relationship will be damaged. I agree to an extent, but it's not like I'm cheating on him or being dishonest about anything that directly affects him in any way at all. It's my stuff and I wish it had stayed that way.

So, who's right?

 

[Nufud]

All relationship have something we keep to ourselves, we cant divulge very thing we do, think, feel, or say.

So why should a PTSD relationship be any different. If it not going to hurt him not knowing, then by all means, keep it to yourself.

 

[Zejo]

That sounds abusive. I mean stripping away your entire sense of privacy and making you feel guilty for not telling him everything. You're right. He's being an arse.

There's a difference between keeping things from someone and being dishonest versus maintaining a part of yourself that is just yours, all yours.

He's attempting to violate your boundaries. Don't let him walk all over you.

 

[Iwa]

That sounds abusive. I mean stripping away your entire sense of privacy and making you feel guilty for not telling him everything. You're right. He's being an arse.

There's a difference between keeping things from someone and being dishonest versus maintaining a part of yourself that is just yours, all yours.

He's attempting to violate your boundaries. Don't let him walk all over you.

I like what this poster has to say. I felt angry reading your post. Trauma stuff is very sensitive. It makes sense that you would want to keep it to yourself. Like you said, I somewhat can agree with what he said about the importance of not having secrets in a relationship in general. However saying you used it to manipulate him, that he would say that makes me weary. What a drama queen.

 

[Nihami]

I agree with the others.

Although I have to say that if you were harming yourself or if what you were doing was putting your children or yourself in danger (if you have children) then that would be more complex.

What type of thing had you hidden? Is there a reason why he felt he should know? Is it in any way relevant to how you treat him for example?