Afraid I'm Going To Die In My Sleep And Afraid Of Nightmares...

[avgirl]

I think my nightmares are during REM sleep because they seem to ALWAYS be long, usually lucid.

I have an eating disorder and I've had low potassium (3.3 last time it was checked after taking a supplement, 2.9 once, and 3.2 once in the past couple of months). To add to the terror of nightmares I'm now afraid because my family's been worried, that I'll die in my sleep. I feel okay physically before going to bed, but I'm always very nervous at night.

To give background I was SA'd from 13-17 by a sociopath. He stalked me very badly before I went to treatment for my eating disorder. He's now abusing another young girl, he has grandchildren yet he's getting away with doing it to a high school girl in the marching band. He molested his stepdaughter when she was a child.

Anyway, I have nightmares a lot that involve the abuse I went through. I also just get really vivid dreams that are way too conscious-feeling and I don't feel rested in the morning, just scared.

Just looking for any words of support. :(

 

[franciemarnie]

I am sorry you are having nightmares and then are understandably exhausted all day. There is no relief! And that's awful.

I have had periods of vivid nightmares and night terrors where I would wake up on my feet in the living room fighting for my life. Usually this happened when I was going thru a lot in my life, or was being triggered during the day.

These periods ended. I wish I could tell you when they will for you but I don't know. I can only say with reasonable certainty that they will go away.

Therapy and meditation and creating feelings and scenarios of safety helped my sleep. Taking illegal drugs did not help me.

I hope you get some rest soon, or at least good naps after the bad nights!

 

[StarChild]

Hi avgirl, I would like to understand your post. But there are a few things I don't understand... Would you please help me, for a better understanding?

I was SA'd from 13-17

What does SA'd mean?

I'm now afraid because my family's been worried, that I'll die in my sleep.

Why is your family afraid, do you have sleep apnea? Are you in therapy right now?

 

[avgirl]

Oh sorry SweetLullaby! I should've been more specific. I appreciate you asking me to clarify though. :)

SA'd means sexually abused.

My family is afraid because I have anorexia with purging and it can cause heart problems. I didn't have the purging until this year. I've had anorexia (but gone to treatment for it) for a good five years. I originally went to treatment because I was told it was eating away at my heart, but I had a heart test recently and it didn't show any abnormalities. I'm obviously trying to recover, it's just hard.

 

[avgirl]

Thanks franciemarnie, that helps!! I'm really sorry you experienced that! But glad to hear it's subsided. That's awful. It does sound right, how they're worse when there's more waking stress.

I wish therapy was going better. Now I feel like she's mad at me on top of everyone else. She just talked about body image and my eating disorder the whole time, which never really helps, just triggers the eating disorder and makes me feel worse. :(

 

[StarChild]

I have anorexia with purging and it can cause heart problems.

Dear avgirl, thank you for clarify and for help me to better understand your situation. I had an episode with severe purging and it lasted for almost two years in a row. I don't mean irritable colon but really purging almost pure water all day long. By focusing first on the physical side, this condition has to be supervised by a doctor. Because the loss of potassium, sodium, etc. does cause heart problems (eg tachycardia), but causes also a dangerous imbalance of your digestive system. And this again leads to more purging. It's a vicious circle!

Please, don't misread my explanations as lecture. It's my way to put myself in your position.
As far as I know, anorexia is (forgive my imperfect English) kind of a "cover"-illness, as we say. That means, that although anorexia is a very severe disorder, that needs to be treated, it is very, very important to find out the cause, the source of this disorder. One thing that's fairly known is, that after a sexual abuse, the victim develops a wish for being "invisible" and therefore feels or hopes to be "protected" against anew abuse.

wish therapy was going better. Now I feel like she's mad at me on top of everyone else. She just talked about body image and my eating disorder the whole time

I'd like to ask you, if your therapist is just focusing on anorexia, or does she also explore and treat the source of your disorder? And may I ask also, if you are diagnosed with ptsd? And, do you feel guilty or responsible about the fact, that your abuser in the meantime abused again other girls?

but I had a heart test recently and it didn't show any abnormalities

Was your family not appeased by the good result of your heart-test?

I really hope, that my post didn't annoy you, avgirl. I just try to understand you better and maybe to help a little.

 

[John7377]

He's now abusing another young girl, he has grandchildren yet he's getting away with doing it to a high school girl in the marching band. He molested his stepdaughter when she was a child. :(

Have you gone to the police, district attorney's office, Child Protective Services, High School Principal to report him? All of the aforementioned are required to investigate any type of sexual assault of a minor.

John