Kicking Myself Over Wrong Thing Said

[Sianm]

This morning my boss asked if I did much last night. Then she asked if I went to the gym & I started explaining how I'd seen a personal trainer at the weekend with my husband, and then started going on about everything we did at the weekend in response to her asking about last night. My brain obviously got muddled up.

But ever since I've just felt like a right idiot, and think she must think I've lost the plot! Just feel really embarrassed & stupid of myself.

Is this just me overanalysing myself? Would she really have thought much of it? I'm currently being considered for a promotion, so now I'm thinking I'll have messed it up... But surely not?

I have issues with self-value so I am thinking it's just me being harsh on myself.

 

[p-no]

This is something I have been dealing with lately. I am convinced that if your boss just wanted to do some chitchat, you have nothing to worry about. It's normal to share more than just give an answer to a specific question. She could have also asked you again if she had had a specific thing she wanted to know (e.g. if her focus had really been on "last night").

What happens with me is that I often don't reply to specific questions. This is purely unintentional.

Example:

Friday two weeks ago I was with my self-help group. One of the women asked me where I had met the man I have been in touch with for a while now. I told her where (a webpage) and she said she did not really know a lot about the internet and how that works (where can you meet people (she had assumed it's all dating webpages, had no clue of forums, chats, etc.)). I told her a little about the internet, generally.

Few days later, I had therapy. My therapist asked where I had met the man I have been in touch with for a while now. My brain does what I refer to as "matching", all the time. I.e. it automatically looks for patterns and when there is a match (in this case my therapist asking the exact same question as the woman the Friday before), both situations "melt" into one and I (can) slip into the old situation. So, what happened is, instead of answering her question (where did I meet him, which particular webpage), I replied answering the self-help group woman's second question and gave my therapist a "lecture" of all the different kinds of webpages where you can generally get in touch with people. Only when I went home did I realize I never really answered her real question. I felt bad about it and like you said above, she must have thought I'd lost the plot. Well, I sort-of had. ;) However, she could have asked again if she wasn't satisfied with my answer, too. Even that little situation showed me that there are always two people in a conversation and a conversation can be influenced by both parties.

So, if you can, try not to worry. I don't see anything wrong with how yours went.

 

[bell]

I agree with @prime-no's answer. And @Sianm, while I understand how stressful it can be when you're mad at yourself about something you said or did, I would try my best to put it behind me. I do things like what you did all the freakin' time and sometimes even want to go back and explain myself! Gah!

However, the best solution, in my opinion, is just to carry on and act like it didn't happen. That way you will (hopefully) stress yourself out less and keep working out towards that promotion! (And, yes, you are overanalyzing it! But, that's perfectly normal, too!)

 

[DMerish]

Is this just me overanalysing myself? Would she really have thought much of it? I'm currently being considered for a promotion, so now I'm thinking I'll have messed it up... But surely not?

I have issues with self-value too, particularly in the area of work relations with my boss (due to former boss emotional abuse). Because of that, if I were you, I'd probably be overthinking the matter also.

It's easier to see things from the outside when it's not me. I don't see anything wrong with how your conversations went either. Your boss was trying to make a personal connection with you, and you delivered. Your mind simply went a little beyond providing a direct answer only to her question because of association - the thread from what you did last night, to the gym, to personal trainer to activities of the weekend. Folks do that all the time in casual talk, and your boss was asking a casual question.

Good luck on the possible promotion!

 

[The Albatross]

I notice when my conversations with other people go wonky, but I don't over think it. It was what it was. It is now a yellow flag for me to slow up a bit and collect myself a bit.

There was a book called "Eating, Drinking, Overthinking: The toxic Triangle of Food, Alcohol, and Depression and How Women Can Break Free" by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema I gifted it to someone and I wish now I'd kept it. After dealing with my own battle with booze and depression I could really use a refresher on the "overthinking" aspect.

 

[arfie]

In my own skin I would write it off as over-analyzing. Over-analyzing is a HUGE problem of mine. I can dedicate hours to analyzing the position of the sun. Analyzing the opinion other people hold of me can keep me unproductively busy for years. The result is a dizzy little routine I call, "Dancing With The Duhs." Shoulda, Coulda and Woulda. I need a whole bag of coping tools to keep myself from dancing with the duhs.

But that is me. Hope you find what it is for you.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I tend to travel in my conversations anyway. I merrily go off on tangents, and then tangents of tangents, then I don't know where I am. I usually say something like, "but we were talking about X" to sort of bring myself back. I don't worry about it much, I will probably keep doing it until I don't anymore.

 

[EverOnly358]

"Dancing With The Duhs."

Haha! Arfie, I do the same thing... but I call it spinning in my head.

Sianm, I think your conversation went fine. I understand you're replaying and replaying. I do that, too. The only thing that works for me is to distract myself whenever it happens... books, movies, music, repeat. Because I can spin on something stupid I said for WEEKS and MONTHS and YEARS and obsess and just become completely unable to function. Sad really.

My worst thing is when someone says something to me... and I like CANNOT hear it. Just can't hear it. This is when someone says something nice or supportive to me. But I get this nagging feeling that something important was said, so I try to go back, and figure out what that was, over and over, and I still can't hear it. And if someone continues to be supportive, like says a second nice thing to me... then I spin around outta control, unable to hear anything. Then I panic and race around talking about anything, desperately seeking to hear this thing I cannot hear. Messy.

Ah well. Hopefully it helps to know that you're not alone in these things. I like the person who said... just continue on, don't bring up the conversation, pretend like everything's fine. Because average people... they just don't worry about these things ('cause they're kinda boring that way). Your boss probably hasn't had a second thought about the conversation.

{{Hugs}}
Hang in there,
D

 

[Sorrento]

My brain does what I refer to as "matching", all the time. I.e. it automatically looks for patterns and when there is a match (in this case my therapist asking the exact same question as the woman the Friday before), both situations "melt" into one and I (can) slip into the old situation. So, what happened is, instead of answering her question...I replied answering the self-help group woman's second question

Oh boy. What a great description of what happens to me all the time."Melt" and "matching". Now we have terms for it!!