I am still having a break, still not feeling great so I hope you guys don't mind if I don't answer any of your threads. I still am thinking about everyone here and hope you're all doing well but I just don't have the energy to comment or even read right now. I did want to ask a quick question though and hopefully get some feedback.
Lately, online and in my "real" life, I have been practicing sticking up for myself and being assertive. I am nowhere near perfect at it, but I have been practicing a lot. If people say things I don't like or that hurt my feelings, I tell them so. If I can't do something or don't want to do it, I say no. If someone really insults me, like my Mum's cousin did a few weeks back, I tell them off. This is totally new to me, as previously I would simply "take it" from everyone and say nothing, try my best to ignore the person. Sometimes that would backfire, I'd stew about it for a long time and then get enraged and explode at them. But most of the time I wouldn't even do that, I'd just act all meek about it and feel like shit within myself.
So it's good that I'm trying to defend myself right now. I know it's a step in the right direction. But even with all the support and encouragement I get from my family and from my friends here, I still wind up feeling really bad after I've been assertive or defended myself. It doesn't seem to matter how many people tell me I did the right thing, I still feel guilty. I feel bad that I hurt someone's feelings. I get really triggered. I was assertive in the chatroom on Saturday, and I'm still feeling like a bitch about that, even though I KNOW I did the right thing for myself. I guess I just don't understand why I feel so guilty and so triggered for trying to take care of myself.
Lately, online and in my "real" life, I have been practicing sticking up for myself and being assertive. I am nowhere near perfect at it, but I have been practicing a lot. If people say things I don't like or that hurt my feelings, I tell them so. If I can't do something or don't want to do it, I say no. If someone really insults me, like my Mum's cousin did a few weeks back, I tell them off. This is totally new to me, as previously I would simply "take it" from everyone and say nothing, try my best to ignore the person. Sometimes that would backfire, I'd stew about it for a long time and then get enraged and explode at them. But most of the time I wouldn't even do that, I'd just act all meek about it and feel like shit within myself.
So it's good that I'm trying to defend myself right now. I know it's a step in the right direction. But even with all the support and encouragement I get from my family and from my friends here, I still wind up feeling really bad after I've been assertive or defended myself. It doesn't seem to matter how many people tell me I did the right thing, I still feel guilty. I feel bad that I hurt someone's feelings. I get really triggered. I was assertive in the chatroom on Saturday, and I'm still feeling like a bitch about that, even though I KNOW I did the right thing for myself. I guess I just don't understand why I feel so guilty and so triggered for trying to take care of myself.