Not Caring

[Ghostybear73]

For all the times my mother gave me to the highest bidder, she is still my mother. Her brain is completely fried from all the drugs and crap she did and she acts like a child most of the time. My grandmother wanted everyone to have a relationship and to make her happy, I continued to communicate with her. When my grandmother died last year, that was it, I didn't have to anymore. When my brother got out of jail 2 weeks ago for beating his wife in front of their kids and threatening to kill my mom, she let him move in with her. Note: No matter what he has done, he can do no wrong in her eyes. I have finally realized that she hasn't, nor will she, ever give a shit about me. So a couple days ago, I finally gave up all hope that she will ever love me

She called last week and I have her name programmed so I know who it is and I don't answer. Well, my daughter had the phone and answered. When she gave the phone to me, I listened to my mother talk about how much my brother has changed. I told her he must be a chameleon for all the times he has "changed in his life". I Finally told her she lives with blinders on and I'm sick of it and not interested, then hung up on her.

In all the phases of my life, I've never talked about a father. The reason for that is because I've only seen him a dozen or so times. He text me the other day (Thank you mom for giving him the number) to tell me he has lung cancer and is dying. All I could say was, "hey, good luck with that".

I realize that most of you are going to say, "have your number changed". Thing is every doctor in the this vicinity has my number along with thousands of graduates and students who either work with or intern with these doctors. I can block them, but if you've ever had to do that, then you know how many phones a person has access to and can use to get through.

What makes them think I care is beyond me. But then I start thinking about how much of a bad person I must be to have no emotion in times like these. What I wouldn't do to have decent parents!!

 

[arfie]

I have changed my number -and even my continent- more times than I care to count and the birth family drama is still leaking through. I may have to give in and admit it is the material I have to work with, no matter how many new and exotic art supplies I stuff in my closet.

Nah. Just pass me the Xanax™.

Gentle hugs and hopes, ghostybear. It is allot to sort.

 

[DMerish]

What makes them think I care is beyond me. But then I start thinking about how much of a bad person I must be to have no emotion in times like these. What I wouldn't do to have decent parents!!

You are not a bad person at all. You're your own person learning to be separate and independent from the mess, and that's simply self-preservation. With or without them in your life, your life is still yours. So you gotta do what's best for you. No need for guilt or to feel badly about that!!!

 

[RussH]

Ghostybear73 I am not going to tell you to change your number; the only thing I will suggest is when you hear from your mom or your dad, step outside and look at all the students walking the campus where you teach. Then, think about all the young people whose lives you have affected in a positive way. Then, smile take a deep breath and realize you have real worth.

 

[Candleflames]

I don't know that any of what you type shows that you don't care. Your nonaction doesn't equate to "not caring," I think it shows the opposite. It's so important to know what issues we need to handle directly and which issues we need to let others handle themselves.

It sounds to me like your mom and dad are perpetuating some very unhealthy patterns. The way you write about the conversations bring up that phrase "same stuff, different day" for me. That's a very toxic carousel! You cared enough about yourself and the people in your life to get off that ride. Good for you. Sometimes the most caring thing we can do is to stop our own cycle and wait for the others to do the same for themselves. We can't do that for them.

You're a teacher? You can't do that job and not care. You've placed your caring efforts into a healthy outlet. Way to go breaking the codependency that your mom has shown. Any other response to your parents would likely have sucked you into their unhealthy dynamic. You are taking care of everyone with the way you handled both conversations.

 

[Bluerose]

So sorry for your pain. The only thing I have to offer is that you can take consolation in the fact that they will all be dead one day. In the meantime your job is to take care of yourself so you can be around to celebrate and make sure you live the life you want from then on.

Sorry. Hope that wasn’t too harsh. My abusers are dead. Today, I deal with younger siblings who were too young to remember what it was really like and have no understanding of the ‘residue’ left behind.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Thank you all for your kind comments. I almost expected to be judged for just talking to the person that caused and allowed the amount of torture I went through as a child. I really am glad I found this forum!!