Switch From Psychotherapy To Cbt?

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thanks abstract for replying. I just notice an inconsistency in my thought patterns. One day I have a realization, the next, I end up in a loop and forget all about it.

I think I'm in Psychodynamic now, or depth. It's based on Jung and Freud I believe.

 

[Ed Norton]

I am in cbt right now but would probably benefit from a more psychodynamic approach.

I think Latinos are immune to psychology anyway lol.

 

[Abstract]

You're welcome. I loop and forget to astounding extent too. What do you feel is missing? What do you think you need that you aren't getting?

Psychoanalysis can be done in very different ways. I have to say my t was good at focusing on the present and what it meant - in context of the past. Have you ever done any skills training such as CBT or DBT?

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I don't know. I think I just get impatient, especially because I experience great impairment. Like, I can't sustain work. I've had 2 jobs in the past 4 years. Both short lived.

I don't leave my house most days, but I do get up and go to see my T and I do go for a job interview when I can manage to get one from time to time (not due to trouble finding work, trouble following through with finding work and applying).

I go through periods of depression which are also short lived and mostly due to memories, etc and not getting out as well as lots of anxiety.

But I can't. I can't get out because I'm terrified of everything. I have had one job post trauma, it only lasted about 5 months. It was good that I quit, but parallel to that, I was triggered every single day that I was there and felt like I had nowhere to escape it. I didn't even know that I was being triggered until well after I quit. I don't have ANY friends, literally. And I experience a lot of back and forth with family members because of negative moods, distrust, etc. Well, at least I think it's my fault. So many things trigger me. SO MANY!

I was never like this before 6 years ago. I was never like this. I had all kinds of friends, got out all of the time and always worked. Now, it's nothing. I've been in talk therapy for 3 years.

 

[Abstract]

So sorry Strongernow. I know how a lot of that feels. It sounds like it is the PTSD that is getting you.

You said you have fully processed your trauma already. Is that right? Did you do it with this T and is she a trauma t?

Have you done any skills training before?

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Back then, I was so outgoing. I was a real go getter and ambitious! Now, my entire personality has changed, not at the core (well in some ways at the core), but you know what I mean.

I know it's because of PTSD, but I want to be able to live life again like I did before.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

No. I have not processed all of it. All I have done so far is processed my childhood trauma. I still can't talk about the trauma with my ex who was a Sociopath and experiencing witness protection program with him. That's all I can say. I can only talk about colors and traits of the Sociopath. I can't talk about the details because it sends me spinning every time. And it sucks because memories get to surface anyway in the form of triggers and forces me to feel and think things that I never asked for!! It's not fair.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

When I experience flash backs (which can be triggered by way of an entire person; from things they are wearing, their mannerisms, facial expressions, the way they talk, their energy, etc etc.), a war breaks out in my head. My head explodes into a million puzzle pieces. That's the short version, but I can't seem to manage it and I will not be able to sustain work without knowing how. My T validates me and all of that fuzzy stuff and listens to my pain, but that's all. I need more of a support system and I don't know how to get that or what that looks like.

I have this fantasy a lot. I fantasize about a big hand coming down out of the sky, picking me up and putting me in a place where I have a complete support system for a time. I have my husband--he is AWESOME, but he has to go to work every day. When he leaves, I can't stay in reality. Every time he leaves the house, I feel dead inside and go on a spin. I don't feel alive until he gets home. Then, I have my T. She's great. I love her. I love both of them. But that's all I have. And God, I have God. I have a faith.... but all of that, doesn't seem like it's getting me any closer to living a fulfilling life like I was before the trauma. It's starting to really beat me down.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

And I've had a lot of re-wounding experiences both during the trauma, from churches to employers, and after from friends to coworkers.

And none of my family lives near us, except for my Dad who lives 2.5 hours away, but he and his family are going through a lot. None of my husband's family live near us. I just cannot make friends.

It's agonizing. I'm so angry that I ever met him (my ex) or gave him my phone number. I'm so angry that I stayed with him, but I got so physically sick and shut down. :( It really was an act of God that I was able to escape.

I'm so angry that my husband has to have a wife who cannot function!![DOUBLEPOST=1390050070][/DOUBLEPOST]I'm crying now, but I think that's a good thing. I see my T today in 6 hours. It's 5am and I haven't been to bed yet. I can't sleep.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

It's 9:12 am. I haven't gone to bed. I just realized the last time I pulled an all nighter was last Friday night as well. My T appts are on Saturday. Last Friday night, my hubby took me out to eat and to a movie. We saw the Wolf Of Wall Street. I just realized I was triggered. The main character in that movie, the sales calls, the lying, taking advantage of people, grandiose thinking, etc etc etc are all triggers for me. I had to leave the movie 30 minutes before it ended although I didn't know why at the time. I was just feeling like it was too much. In the restroom at the theater, there was a woman in there throwing up all over the place. We were the only ones in the bathroom.

She said she was just pregnant, but a war was already going on in my mind and I thought for sure that I was supposed to save her. I went on hyper alert and kept trying to help her. Clearly, she didn't want my help. I ran out of the bathroom, pushed past my husband who was asking me what is wrong, looking around desperately to find someone to help. I started asking people if they knew the girl in the bathroom. I had my husband go into the men's room to ask. He found her husband and I stood there telling him what was going on in there, in a panic, telling him he needed to go in and help her. Urgh.

Then, I had an all nighter that night. I didn't realize that until just now. Of course, I don't know what has kept me up last night. Sigh.

 

[Hashi]

One day I have a realization, the next, I end up in a loop and forget all about it.

From what you've written in this thread and things you've written in others I wonder, if you had all the CBT skills in the world, what is it that would make you cut through being triggered and use them? As opposed to forgetting about them when you need them?

I'm guessing that you already have some grounding and coping techniques if you've been in therapy for three years and have been on this forum a little while too. I get the impression that when something happens - which is much of the time you're out of the house or away from your husband - those techniques never come into your mind. That it's not so much finding it hard to use them, or them not being enough, but more that in the moment you don't even think of the skills you've learnt. Is that correct? Please tell me if I've misunderstood.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Hashi, thank you.

The answer to your question. Yes and no. I'm not sure I understand what CBT skills are. I have been told over and over by people here to read about it and get the work books and I forgot about it. The "yes" part of my response is because I think that is what is happening.

The coping skills that I do have currently I think are my old coping skills. Not all of them, but most. I take baths when I'm feeling anxiety. I limit how much of the news I watch. I limit how much bad news people are allowed to speak into my ears. And I pray. I pray A LOT! That's it.

Also, when you say "but more that in the moment, you don't even think of the skills . . .", that's part of the problem too. Most of the time, I don't know when I am being triggered or when I'm in a flash back. Most of the time, I figure it out much later. Sometimes a day later, but where it's most important, sometimes not until a week or even months later. Other times, I know when I am being triggered, but I don't know how to ground myself. I don't know what grounding is supposed to look like.