What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Britt.f7]

Feeling good. Decided that I would get up and make a doughnut run. I actually got out of bed with plans to do so. This is an accomplishment for me, that I up and go somewhere. My husband woke early and decided to go with me, otherwise I would have gone myself. I feel happy for this.

 

[Rizen]

Irritable with a free floating angry thing, lonely, depressed.

 

[fly away home]

Feeling envious of people who can take their lives. Wishing I could take mine. Feeling like a failure because I am too self centred and self involved to actually do it. Why can't I just let go?

Hating myself for caring about myself enough to prevent the act of suicide from ever happening. Why do I think I'm so special that my daughter wouldn't survive without me? I've got some serious tickets on myself because the truth is I'm a pretty shit mother with ptsd and a desire to die which I can never fill. Who would want that for a mother?.

Now I'm feeling stupid for writing this. I'm feeling pathetic and inadequate. I'm feeling like a true failure in every sense. I can already hear the condescending comments of people criticizing me for becoming a mother in the first place.

I'm feeling like I will never get even close to stable enough to actually start processing my traumas. This is suffocating. Ironic. I can't kill myself, I can't process.

In feeling trapped.

 

[CraftyCath]

Feeling unappreciated of all the things I do in this house and for the 3 men in it. :mad::cry:

All 3 have Aspergers Syndrome and I have spent the day doing things for them and have just cooked a lovely meal of roast lamb, roast potatoes, vegetables, Yorkshire Pudding and Gravy. My eldest does not like 'boring veg' (green beans) so he cooked himself some roast tomatoes in olive oil thyme and basil. I put the plates on the table and did not realise I had given his plate to my youngest son and he started to eat it. My eldest went mad at me and started to lecture me. I apologised but he wouldn't let it drop until I walked out.

He said that I always say that 'sorry isn't good enough' but what I have taught them is that it is no good saying sorry when you so obviously don't mean it and back it up with attitude. He did genuinely apologise after I told them all that I am sick and tired of being their slave, that they take me for granted and don't appreciate what I do for them, that they had all sat on the backsides all day while I did stuff for them and that no one ever compliments me, thanks me or does anything for me - I do it all. I do so much with not a word of thanks but he is so quick to criticise when I make a simple mistake.

I deserve better! I've told them all that if I had somewhere else to go, to set up a new life for myself I would leave them all. I have no life, I just exist and they never take my poor health and my PTSD into account. They can all winge for Britain but not me.

Angry, tearful, frustrated and sick to the pit of my stomach. :cry::cry::cry:

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am feeling chipper today. It is sunny and nice out and I have a lot of garden work to do. I love to work outside!

 

[Britt.f7]

@fly away home It is not strength to off yourself. Your daughter would be effected and then she would go through her own trauma. Do you want what you deal with for her? I know how it feels to be so hopeless, but you do have strength not to do it. I have PTSD on top of a chronic illness, sometimes I feel sorry for my boys, but others have pointed out how compassionate they have grown to be. Perhaps that will be the same for your daughter.

Please know you are not alone.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am feeling nervous about court tomorrow for my daughter. We are preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. His psyco attorney surely will get reprimanded again by the judge. My daughter reported her to the better business bureau. I feel so proud of her and so happy about that.

 

[fly away home]

Thanks @Britt.f7 it's strange that when I have resolve to leave my partner I don't feel so much despair. I feel at my lowest when I give up ever being free.

Today is a new day and I feel wiser, clearer and stronger. I am still fragile but not quite so insecure.

 

[fly away home]

Still a deep sadness engulfs me every few moments. I'm still unprepared for the intensity.

 

[franciemarnie]

Ugh. Sick as a dog with over acute senses - smell, sound, sight - everything. Have to seclude myself and do nothing. I wonder if this has to do with seeing new T Tuesday. Got sick last week and cancelled. Felt better. Getting sick again. Like a walking human migraine. Release damn energy! Release!

It's deaf.

I haven't met T yet so I can't say it's her. I think it's anticipation of felt "apocalypse".

Hugs to all.

 

[Hope4Now]

Feeling sort of dead inside. Going through the motions. Hard to know whether I am managing feelings or just blocking them. Uncertain of how I feel about so much. It seems as if only extreme emotion gets through the fog.

 

[ms spock]

Feeling brave and terrified (in a good way) I just had a motorbike ride as a passenger. It was so exciting.

I am feel so relieved. I left my wallet and my mobile at the cafe and some kind soul handed it in.

I am feeling pretty impressed with myself. I lost my wallet and phone and I didn't freak out. I was a bit concerned and slightly worried, but I didn't have a meltdown and I didn't go in to catastrophic thinking and feeling. Like O Wow Babe! Yay for me - I was distracted by three beautiful German Shepherds in absolute fine form and I went to say hello to the owner and we had a great talk and I forgot to get my stuff afterwards. So I need to be a little more present. However I had just been so brave and tried a new thing - being a passenger on a motor bike - so I can cut myself a little slack.

I had an reasonable and appropriate response to a situation. Yaying for myself!