Sufferer Hello, I Will Likely Not Stay Long.

[nonexistant]

Hello, I will likely not stay around long. I am searching, searching for ways to make it stop. I suppose as long as I am searching I will still be around.

I know PTSD may have started differently for everyone. I know or was told for some it is a stacking of buckets. The more anxiety attacks come; I continue to find it harder to heal.

I am starting some kind of light bar therapy as soon as my therapist find the time to see me. We had the first visit but she has cancelled the second and third; to be honest the thought of releasing the things I have worked so hard to lock away has had me awake for 4 days at a time before I crash. The more tired I get the more unfriendly thoughts run a muck in my mind. My poor husband has even been hit by me in my sleep.

 

[franciemarnie]

Locking it away hasn't worked well for you. If you find a good and responsive trauma therapist, you can slowly and safely release the trauma energy in your own time as you wish.

I don't like this T canceling appointments, but maybe there is an exceptional reason for it. I don't know.

I hope you risk trying something different. Burying this stuff only works for a short while. Then the energy mounts and proliferates and breaks thru and you can lose control completely.

If you do things differently, your life can change. With all you have gone thru, don't let fear stand in your way. You are worth it.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Nonexistant,

Welcome to the forum!

It takes a lot of courage to seek help, and honestly, a therapist shouldn't be struggling to find time to see you. They are a professional, and when they schedule an appointment, both parties should keep it. You may want to check out some other therapists and see if there is someone who is more professional and who you feel more comfortable with.

There are many things in addition to therapy you can do to help yourself and joining this forum can be one of them. I hope you find this site helpful.

Debbie

 

[Hashi]

Welcome to the forum.

I'm a bit concerned that you describe the treatment as

some kind of light bar therapy

Are you clear about what this therapy involves, how it works, why you're having it, and what effect it's likely to have on you?

There were good reasons for locking things away until now. When you have therapy, it shouldn't be like opening the floodgates. We need to be careful to avoid overwhelm, and our therapists need to be careful about that too. Have you discussed this with your therapist?

I'd urge you to have therapy, as long as it's appropriate to PTSD. Whatever the therapy, it's important to make sure that the therapist is trained and experienced in trauma, and is responsible, professional, reliable and licensed.

Cancelling two appointments out of three is a red flag, I'm afraid.

 

[nonexistant]

Locking it away hasn't worked well for you. If you find a good and responsive trauma therapist, you can slowly and safely release the trauma energy in your own time as you wish.

I don't like this T canceling appointments, but maybe there is an exceptional reason for it. I don't know.

Thank you, I appreciate your words. I try to ignore the inner self pointing out how insignificant I am. so insignificant that even paid professionals have better thing to do. I repeat, like in the child's book, I am some one significant, I do matter, I will get better. I am sure many PTSD people do. Some times it is just to hard to me my only cheerleader. I will probably watch and read more than respond, but wanted to thank you.

 

[nonexistant]

I'm a bit concerned that you describe the treatment as

Are you clear about what this therapy involves, how it works, why you're having it, and what effect it's likely to have on you?

EMDR therapy sessions for PTSD, uses a light bar or touch sensation or both. I could not remember the name sorry.

 

[Hashi]

Thanks for clarifying. Are you clear about the likely effect, and have you talked with your therapist about how to avoid overwhelm?

 

[franciemarnie]

You have more value than I can adequately put into words. Until you feel it, act as if. It may feel ridiculous but it works.

Feelings are not facts, most especially when you feel of little value. One day you will know your value and be amazed.

 

[nonexistant]

Thanks for clarifying. Are you clear about the likely effect, and have you talked with your therapist about how to avoid overwhelm?

Thanks for clarifying. Are you clear about the likely effect, and have you talked with your therapist about how to avoid overwhelm?

Well I attempted youtube research. I have two fears. One it will not work . two it will not work and unlock that which only rears its ugly presence when I am overwhelmed and I find myself back in a fetal position in the middle of a grocery store. *quite embarrassing or losing control of the anger and breaking another stirring wheel and window from inside the care behind the wheel. Doc said that was pure rage because he thought i broke the windshield from out side. Also embarrassing and shameful.

 

[Hashi]

Doc said that was pure rage because he thought i broke the windshield from out side. Also embarrassing and shameful.

If it's any consolation I think here on the forum it would be considered more on the normal side. Do you know about the fight/flight/freeze response? During trauma our animal survival instincts kick in and we will either fight (anger) or take flight (fear) or freeze until it's safe to go for either fight or flight. The problem with humans going through this is that for lots of reasons we don't discharge the fight or flight energy, so we find that later we have anger and fear suddenly emerging before we're able to push it back down again. Ultimately, it needs to be released in a safe way. In the meantime, it means we're smashing car windscreens or going into foetal positions in the grocery store .

nonexistant, I'm worried about your therapist. A good therapist should be reliable, available and keep appointments. They should also understand the risks, be talking with you about that, and be putting a lot of things in place to minimise those risks. Trauma therapy should be approached very carefully. You should focus first of all on grounding and coping skills, before doing anything like actual EMDR therapy.

This should all be led by the therapist, not by you or YouTube.

Please reconsider whether this is the best therapist for you to see. I understand that they may be the nearest, or the one you've started seeing, or some other thing that makes it less difficult. I also understand that it might be very difficult to think about screening therapists. At the same time, it's necessary. Inexperienced or inappropriate therapists can do a lot of damage. You could be retraumatised. Please take good care of yourself and review whether you should go ahead with this therapist.

There is plenty of support here on the forum if you decide you might need to rethink what you do next in therapy.

 

[nonexistant]

If it's any consolation I think here on the forum it would be considered more on the normal side. Do you know about the fight/flight/freeze response? During trauma our animal survival instincts kick in and we will either fight (anger) or take flight (fear) or freeze until it's safe to go for either fight or flight. The problem with humans going through this is that for lots of reasons we don't discharge the fight or flight energy, so we find that later we have anger and fear suddenly emerging before we're able to push it back down again. Ultimately, it needs to be released in a safe way. In the meantime, it means we're smashing car windscreens or going into foetal positions in the grocery store .

Thank you, I looked into emdr because my psychiatrist wanted me to try it since I am still , well broken, I told her I did not want anymore therapy, talking is not fixing it. The more stress ,, lack of control.. I hate my responses.. I am not normal. Any way she described it ,, i looked it up,,, it terrifies me but I terrify myself too.

Does any of this make since to anyone. I don't think I will ever get anywhere with this therapist. I panic at the thought of seeing her, which worsen each time she cancels; but the Psychiatrist really wants me too give it a try. I am seriously considering giving up on ever being normal, if I ever was in the first place.

I work from home now so I rarely have to go out anymore. I will keep you updated if you truly want me too.

 

[Notsowild]

@nonexistant.... It makes perfect sense to me. I've come to the realization I will never be "normal". I spent my entire childhood being sexually and physically abused. I have gotten help but not enough to get me near normal. Since my last trauma ( car accident) I got new symptoms plus extreme anxiety and panic attacks. I have found a terrific trauma therapist and we're doing CBT. I have been trying to lessen my symptoms and try to hold my job but normal NEVER.