Mum, Mom, Mother We All Have One

[Sammyiam]

We all have one no matter what we call her, what would be the one word that you would use to explain, define, feel, to love or not to love what she means to you, or what is just the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about her ?

I think mine would be

Hurt

 

[Tinyflame]

Not everyone has or had one sammy.

 

[Sammyiam]

Sorry, what I meant by we all have one was, a mum either birth mum or adopted or foster or care giver or person that you spent time with, or if your mum is no longer here, if you have anyone that is has or was part of your life that you feel close to good or bad, what is the one word that comes to mind.

I'm sorry if I offended I didn't mean that at all, I was just thinking that is there someone in your life that you think of, and what words do you put to that feeling.

Please accept my apology if I offended you.

 

[Fadeaway]

No offense taken, but I do not have one. What I had was a woman who gave birth to me and was pretty pissed off about it. I spent my whole childhood wanting a mother. I mean, here was this woman who gave birth to me, and raised me for the first few years (more like didn't let me die, barely.) I had all these fantasies of what it was like to have a mother, when I went to go live with her as a teenager. It was hard to have those dreams shattered.

I finally had to come to the conclusion, that I would never know what it was liked to be loved by her or have a real mother. There was no room in her heart for both the drugs and me. When she killed herself, I shed a tear for the loss of hope that she would one day get clean and want to be a mom, but not a tear was shed over her. There was no emotions left for her. I never had a mom because she never did anything to earn the title.

When I was younger I used to try to cling to any mother like figure that would pay any attention to me. I became a source of annoyance for them. I think for a while it was a self destruction behavior, because I was setting myself up for rejection over and over.

I guess my grandmother would be the closet I had, but I don't count her either. She was so resentful at having to take me in, she firmly adhered to the philosophy, "Children shouldn't be seen or heard." I do feel more emotion towards her than I do my mother though.

So my one word? Rejection

 

[It's Me]

I had one and the loss of her is the indirect cause of my PTSD. I'd use the word protector

xx

 

[macbeth]

Numb. I guess I don't really have much emotion left for her.

 

[Sammyiam]

I can so relate to you Fadeaway, I still find that I long so much for a mother figure that I have done the same as you I cling to some of my older friends that have been around the age of my mum, because I long so much to have that love of a mum. I have spent my whole life wanting a mum and it has left such a whole in my life. That's why I started this thread, not to offend anyone the complete opposite, so many people on here have been rejected and unloved, hurt and for me just given up on the fact that I will never ever get the one true thing I wish for, the love and acceptance of my mum, she just spends all her time hurting me.

I think over the past few weeks and with the great help of this site and a few intense chat room chats ( thank you very much Anthony and all of my chat room friends which I thank dearly )I have finally started on the process of realising that I will never get what I yearn for and have yearned for my whole life.

Now I just have to work out how to move on as like you and so many others Fadeaway I have never felt that love of a real mother just hurt.

That is why I picked hurt for my word

Thank you all so much for the replies and this wonderful site, I have spent my whole life with PTSD just didn't know what it was called, and hiding from everyone what I felt, now I have found a place that there are people who have been through similar things and felt similar feelings, I know everyone on here has been through different things, but most of us have ending up with PTSD that has made a huge impact on our lives and I wonder if I will ever get through it.


Thank you so much everyone[DOUBLEPOST=1402865841,1402865573][/DOUBLEPOST]

I had one and the loss of her is the indirect cause of my PTSD. I'd use the word protector

xx

It's me, I am sorry for your loss and I think you word protector is an amazing and wonderful choice.[DOUBLEPOST=1402866104][/DOUBLEPOST]

Numb. I guess I don't really have much emotion left for her.

Thanks Macbeth for replying, we have talked greatly on this subject on chat and I really want to thank you for your help you are a very kind person.

 

[GWhizz]

Absent

She was never there for me when I needed her most

 

[Healing Reins]

I've been really blessed to have such loving and supportive parents. So the first word that comes into my mind when I think of my mom is beautiful. I think she's a beautiful woman. With the talent to raise a daughter. I love my mommy.

 

[Sammyiam]

Absent

She was never there for me when I needed her most

Hi GWhizz,
Thanks for taking time to reply, I think a lot could use that word I certainly could in capital letters.

 

[Fadeaway]

It is hard to come to that realization and be able to accept it for what it is. I still have times, where I need motherly advice or support, but and it sucks, but I just have to accept that it is never going to change. I get a bit of satisfaction striving to be the complete opposite of her in everything I do. I promise you, when you are finally able to grieve your loss and let go, you will feel so much better. :hug:

It may help to look at it with the question of who has really been your mother, and taken care of you, YOU! You can take pride in the fact that you are providing for your own emotional needs and treating yourself in the way you needed your mom to do just by being here.

 

[Hashi]

Nightmare.

Curse.

Vampire.

Devouring.

Abusive.

Unlike many people, I have no wish for my mother's love or for any other mother figure or mother-type love. I didn't as a child. She went missing one time and I was so hopeful she'd been in an accident and wouldn't come back. My older brother and sister were crying and I didn't get it because things would be so much better with her gone.

I was separated from her for a while immediately after birth, and then she was alternately neglectful and abusive. We never exactly bonded.

I have no positive image of "mother" at all, so it isn't something I want.