Social Life?

[scout86]

When I started therapy, I told myself that, to get the most out of it, I was going to have to work at being open minded and open to possibilities, regardless of my first reaction to things. Most of the time, that hasn't been too hard. Every once in awhile, my T comes up with something that's a little out there.

Today he suggested that I consider the possibility of a "social life". He asked how long it had been since I went dancing! He has rules about acceptable language, so I just went with "Never!"

I guess I figure that I deal with people during the day when I'm working. Isn't that enough? I suppose it doesn't technically count as "socializing".....

Here's the thing. It's my impression that people don't mind having me around, if I'm performing some specific function. (Like my job.) But to just hang around? Then I get the feeling that I'm just in the way. And, I don't much like that feeling. I'd rather go for a walk with the dogs. I guess you can't "socialize" without people, but I can't see how to do that without just feeling like I'm in the way. Does anyone get what I mean? Is he right, or does he just not get how most people react? I didn't tell him how I feel or why. I guess I should, and I suppose I will. I have a feeling he'll just tell me I'm wrong, and I don't think I am. (And there's a good chance he won't tell me I'm wrong. That might just be me, projecting. I should at least give him the chance.)

I've never real thought of a "social life" as an option for me. Any thoughts? Where do you start on a project like that?

 

[Go Hungry]

Eerrrgh! Social life? *runs away screaming* :playful:

 

[mrsps]

I know where you are coming from! I don't really have a social life as I only have a couple of friends. At time when I am feeling low about myself I tend to avoid seeing my friends. Its just normally hubby and I spending all our time together. I struggle to make friends I guess because I don't open up to people and I have such low self esteem that I think why would people want to be friends with me.

People often say why don't you go to a night course or go to a sports club etc. My problem is that if I did do any of these I go to do whatever it is im doing and stick to myself and don't chat to others because I don't know what to talk to people about so I don't end up making friends. People that make friends easily just don't understand how hard it is for others!

I wish I had more friends to hang out with but I am always self conscious and thinking that everyone is judging me :(

 

[Fadeaway]

My Husband is the only one who shares my spiky bubble. And only because he tricked me and snuck in. The rest of people get met with my spikes of doom if they try and get to close to my personal space. So social life? Yeah right!

 

[shimmerz]

Ummmm, okay, I get what he is trying to say. But DANCING! LOL. OMG! I am with @Go Hungry with the running away and screaming (in my case pass out directly on the dance floor). WAY too much sensory overload. I get goosebumps just thinking about going to the library for crying out loud. The fact that you can still work - with people! That is just a pipedream for me at this point so I am going to have to say that you have me WAY beat in the socializing scene at this point! Yep, I think your answer was a good one. Dancing.....*rolls eyes and rolls on the floor laughing*

 

[scout86]

@shimmerz , my T has a goofy sense of humor and I think he picked that partly because it was the first thing he thought of and partly because he knew I'd be appalled. LOL

A couple of you mentioned that you're married. You had to do some "socializing" to get that accomplished, I guess.

I think why would people want to be friends with me.

Exactly!

 

[shimmerz]

because he knew I'd be appalled. LOL

Smart! Mixing up the emotions. I like that.

I did end up dating and am working in a relationship now. I knew him from before and he called me up when he got into town to see how I was doing. Ridiculously he decided that he wanted to hang out with me. No idea why this man is with me. He seems to take it as it comes though and shakes it off. It is a gift.

@mrsps I have said that to myself 50 times a day. I have no idea why my friends stick around (the ones that are left) and many times I won't allow myself to return their calls or go out with them to 'spare them from me'.

 

[marylouise]

@scout86,

Sounds like this project requires an alternative to dancing. What about the dog park? You may find like-minded souls there. Or walks/hikes with others with dogs? Are there things like that in your area, like Meet Up? If you're the only one with dogs, you'll instantly be popular. :hug:

 

[silkleaves]

My social life has its ups and downs. I go through small windows where I want to go out, want to date, want to be around people. I just get so sick and tired of being alone. Especially as kiddo gets older and off doing things on her own, and in just a few months will be 18, and I'm bracing myself for it that she will be into the world and I will be in these four walls completely by myself, I get those moments.

I'll go out, depending on the scene, if its a lot of people, I have about a 1 hour limit before I want to come back home. But if its one on one, I'm able to spend more time with that person. It still takes a lot for me to actually get out of the house, once I do I have a great time, but when I'm done...Im DONE.

The moments are super far and few between though....like months, and in some cases a year or more. So when I do go out, everyone is so happy to see me, everyone wants to talk to me, that I get overwhelmed and then disappear for a few months again. I'm torn between wanting that connection with people, and wanting nothing to do with anyone ever.

 

[shimmerz]

everyone is so happy to see me, everyone wants to talk to me, that I get overwhelmed and then disappear for a few months again.

Don't know if this helps or not but my SO has taught me some pretty good skills in this way. I did the same thing. I would be stuck on the phone for hours with people wanting to talk to me then crash for the rest of the day. This is a self-regulation thing and may be part of the problem of not wanting to go out. I wonder if you were able to do just short stints and manage it by giving it a time limit? He has really helped me understand that although my friends are well meaning, I must let them know when I am too involved. I have learned to tone it down quite a bit and it is helping greatly.

 

[silkleaves]

That probably would help @shimmerz ... it's very hard though, when I know someone is so happy to be able to talk to me, whether in person or on the phone, that I have a hard time saying I need to go when I know I'm getting close to my limit, and then once its over, I need so much time to decompress that I blow off talking to anyone again for a long while. Makes it *very* hard to make the rounds and talk to anyone.

To the point that, even writing a status message on FB just to reach out to everyone at once is too much, because I know that when I do, everyone will think, oooh shes back! And start blowing up my phone and email. But I do need to try and set some limits...I know that if I limited my calls to like, 10m instead of hanging on for an hour...and if I made a point to go out for just half an hour or so, instead of being roped in to stay longer than Im comfortable with, I'd probably not burn out so hard and be able to be more social.

 

[scout86]

@marylouise , I like the dog park idea, but I live in a rural area. Maybe I can think of something similar. And I'm open for suggestions! (What's "Meet Up'? Do I want to know?)

I do have a few close friends. They are kind of scattered around the country. For the most part, they aren't very "social" either. My best friend, for example, lives a thousand miles away & hates making phone calls as much as I do. Needless to say, we don't talk often. I can really relate to the stress of being stuck on the phone for hours! I've never told any of my clients, but it's one of the reasons I prefer it if they contact me by email.

@shimmerz , besides having an off beat sense of humor, I'd have to say my T is scarey smart most days. He's also very kind. I'm sort of wondering if he's looking for a "nice" way to tell me he thinks I have schizoid personality disorder. (That's what you get to worry about when you take online tests! :eek:)