Any Tips Or Suggestions To Avoid Emotionally Shutting Down?

[littlestars]

My symptoms get the best of me. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years now. I struggled a lot in the past year of our relationship. I would have symptoms and they would feel so overwhelming that it's like I let the emotional toll of them take over. So, I would shut down emotionally from him and thus, not act the same as I did from when we met to the time when symptoms started to creep up on me (6-7 months).

Basically, I couldn't control/manage/maintain my emotional stability and it started to affect our relationship because I was having symptoms and thus, becoming depressed.

I would get flashbacks and intrusive (negative) thoughts constantly, then I would have some nightmares and not be able to sleep (which I don't think anyone can function well when they are emotionally exhausted as well as sleep deprived), and then there were the panic attacks. I've basically become semi-agoraphobic again.

We have talked recently, as we have in the past year one and off about my depression and PTSD issues...

He's very supportive and kind. I know he loves me otherwise he wouldn't still be with me. But I don't want to let my lack of control with my emotions (PTSD) to end up with me pushing him away... to eventually him leaving me for good. :(

I feel horrible that because of this condition I have (unconsciously) become distant from him... it's not just our relationship as well, but that aspect of my life is very important to me because he's such a wonderful person and so amazing to me.

I was just wondering what you do to snap out of it. What do you do that would help to prevent and/or keep this behavior for lasting more than an hour, a day, a week, a month, whatever?

I really am not aware when I am emotionally shutdown at all. I'm starting to become more self-aware of it though... but I really, really, really don't want to continue this pattern of being present and loving and making him (us) happy to becoming closed off and depressed... It ends up hurting him and alienating him. I feel so horrible for doing this, it's not who I am. I just want to gain control because I love him so immensely. And in the twenty-eight years that I have been on this planet, he's the only person I have loved (romantically) that hasn't abused me. Men like this are like unicorns to me. Even, humans in general.


So what do you do when you feel closed off, numb, distant, etc.? How do you get out of it? What do you do?

I've developed a mantra with the help of my therapist, well... it's more of a question I ask myself whenever my mind starts to go dark; "What is more important, NOW or then??". It's helping, but I'm worried it won't get through to me. That this practice will only work for two weeks and then I'll spiral back down into the dark again. I really don't want to be there anymore... and I most certainly don't want to drag the one I love the most there with me. He doesn't deserve that. I don't either. I just want it to stop...

I ranted a little, sorry... but thank you for reading this. Any help would be most appreciated.

Thank you

 

[KwanYingirl]

Is it possible for you to participate in Dialectic Behavior Therapy? It's done in a group setting run by a therapist once a week learning skills. You also see your own therapist weekly. It teaches mindfulness, emotion regulation, interpersonal skills, distress tolerance.

My therapist explains my emotional days regulation as a pendulum. During the course of a day our emotions change. They come and go much like a pendulum moving back and forth. Normal healthy functioning. But with PTSD and BPD the pendulum swings way too far in either direction, leaving me overwhelmed by their intensity.

The goal is to practice skills that reduce the swing of pendulating emotions to a shorter field of swing. I have not checked the forum archives for articles about DBT. I have never done it with a group but my therapist and I work through the DBT workbook. I also did an intensive out patient program for suicidal people and they used DBT as their treatment method.

I like the pendulum metaphor. I can relate to it. I have bought guided relaxation recordings from iTunes and I'm looking for some apps for my phone. Having guidance is vital to me as I lack self soothing ability. And yoga, using breath to stay grounded in the here and now. Visualization of safe place, moving my body to get my mind engaged in the present and OUT of the past all this takes practice.

The basic premise of DBT is that we have rational mind and emotional mind. Where they overlap is wise mind-the goal. But holy mackerel, I get so enmeshed in emotion mind I can't connect to my rational mind unless I do grounding activities.

I wish you well[DOUBLEPOST=1405877444,1405877255][/DOUBLEPOST]By the way, I think all people could improve their relationships by learning these skills

 

[Seasounds]

So what do you do when you feel closed off, numb, distant, etc.? How do you get out of it? What do you do

It is not fun when you get overwhelmed by relationship issues. I find close relationships a challenge, too, for similar reasons. Learning how to stay emotionally engaged takes skills and healing.

• First, I see emotionally shutting down as a friend, in that it is a protective mechanism. It isn't bad" to shut down. Emotionally shutting down can alert you to needing to take care of yourself, in making changes, so you aren't triggered. in taking time out, you have time calm down, and make a new plan. When you do things to feel safe, you become emotionally available, again.
• Working through an emotional shutdown, is a better way for me to think of it, than getting out of it. Rarely, are methods an instant fix. I have some tools that help, in the moment. Other tools, help the deeper, contributing factors. Let me explain.
• As mentioned above, Dialectical tools, and Mindfulness skills are valuable tools for helping myself in the moment; emotionally containing and soothing myself, when triggered. They help me emotionally stay connected, to myself, to others, and to the moment. Sometimes these tools, help me realize that I need to leave a situation and come back to it, later.
• Relational tools, (used in non-violent communication) help me both adjust myself to whomever I am relating to, and to notice if I am being triggered or disrespected by someone.
• I use to be numb to noticing if I was being triggered or disrespected. Instead, i thought that i was always the problem. Now, I know that I am not the problem, nor am I the cause for another's distress. Instead, I simultaneously know that I am part of a dialogue-that may trigger the other person.
• Now that I notice, I either talk about my discomfort-to create a respectful relationship, if the person s important to me. If they aren't significant to me, I disengage.
• Disengaging from triggering relationships, has been painful, and a very wise choice for me. Depression and anxiety have decreased, allowing me 'renewed hope'.
• Depth, and insight oriented psychotherapies have allowed me to discover why I get so triggered in relationships. They have also helped me heal my early wounds, so that I can engage in relationships, more than I use to.

Hope this helps. Thanks for your post; I know that I am not alone, in my learning and recovery.

 

[Seasounds]

Just re-read your post and mine. I realized that I left out something that I wanted to include:
It is so terrific that you notice, that you get triggered. And it is so terrific that you care, to improve.
With your good intentions, improvement, and a patient and adaptable partner, you have a winning combination!

 

[Friday]

One thing that helps me a lot is to treat going numb like a panic attack.

- Reintroduce reality
- Medicate it if it won't respond to stern language

 

[TeaLeaf]

First, I see emotionally shutting down as a friend, in that it is a protective mechanism. It isn't bad" to shut down. Emotionally shutting down can alert you to needing to take care of yourself, in making changes, so you aren't triggered. in taking time out, you have time calm down, and make a new plan. When you do things to feel safe, you become emotionally available, again.
Working through an emotional shutdown, is a better way for me to think of it, than getting out of it. Rarely, are methods an instant fix. I have some tools that help, in the moment. Other tools, help the deeper, contributing factors

I couldn't agree more, very well said.