Healing Touch...?

[NovemberStar]

No way in hell would she ever touch me and no way in hell would I respond in a way that did anything but evoke a major trauma response. I don't even make eye contact, or look up. Couldn't even tell you what type of shoes she wore at a session most of the time.

 

[Leigh925]

I go for weekly massage as an adjuct to my therapy. It has helped me immensely and I find it very healing.

In the beginning my therapist asked how I wanted to be massaged. Now that I have gone for a long time and we know each other well...she still asks me every week what I need but I don't have to be as specific. When I am working on things in therapy sometimes I will mention to her that I felt a certain tightness in certain areas of the body and we will start there.

Because of my trauma the first couple of massages were anxiety provoking for me but now it is wonderful to understand that touch can be safe and healing in the right circumstances.

There is a book called Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller that would probably be very beneficial for you to read.

chapter 11 is about neuro affective touch and would probably be most relative to you. The book is hard to get a copy of but there is a kindle edition you can download.

It is written more for therapist but my therapist actually recommended it to me and it opened windows of opportunities of discussions for us since I have such abandonment issues but crave safe touch at the same time.

I think a lot of people like me have a love/hate relationship with touch. We desperately want it but because of life experiences we are extremely afraid of it as well.

Kudos to you for having insight to what you do because you are in the position to both heal and unknowingly cause harm. The more you know...the more you will find yourself on the healing end of things.

 

[digger]

My question is how do you as sufferers want your 'therapist' to approach you? When you are attempting to work on your issue(s), from wherever they stem, what do you want the person working with you to do or say? Do you want them to tell you everything they are going to do and ask permission(s) as they go? Do you want the entire session laid out before you and then you can just say when you want the session to stop? Do some of you not want to be touched at all and prefer to be the one that initiates the contact?

I'm not sure if you're only asking about massage therapy? If not, this is my take on touch and therapy...

I hate to be touched. The idea of any sort of massage terrifies me. I tolerate touch from children and a couple of friends and can switch myself off mostly if say it was for a medical reason, but otherwise it's a NO!!! and I would be freaked out if my therapist touched me.

I can't see a reason she would need to, but if she did, yes, I would expect her to ask permission and inform me of everything beforehand.

 

[Jane.l]

I have taken this to be just about massage - my T touching me would totally freak me out too !!

 

[digger]

I have taken this to be just about massage

I was just confused by the last question…

Do some of you not want to be touched at all and prefer to be the one that initiates the contact?.

I don't think someone who doesn't want to be touched at all would go to a massage therapist.

 

[desiderata310]

I think that there IS such a thing a massage for trauma but I am light years from doing something like that.
As far as being touched by my therapist... he joked once that he knew I would be done or close to done with therapy the day that I accepted a hug. I can't even really manage a handshake or high five.

 

[Damask]

Thank you all for your responses. I apologize for not framing my questions a bit more clearly. I have gained great insight from reading this. :D

 

[Seasounds]

@Damask, for psychotherapy, I find touch not helpful.
Outside of psychotherapy, I like and rely on many different types of touch modalities to assist me, in mindbody, psycho-physical, regulation of my PTSD. And I do not like the professionals who touch me, to counsel me. In fact, I find it unethical --because I didn't ask for it.

 

[ghotiff]

I suppose for me a big thing would be for the massager to give me opportunity to state my boundaries in a way that of can see them being requested.

For example. If typically people took their clothes off, being offered ( without judgement) to keep them on.

Knowing that the would stop at any time just by me saying stop.

Another more subtle thing is that if I can't see, if I am to stay relaxed I need to know exactly where in the room the person is and know by voice exactly when a new touch would happen. So someone chatty would help me.

 

[Seasounds]

@ghotiff, the skill that you just mentioned, (the massage therapist always letting the client know where they are in the room-by voice or by touch) was included in my friend's massage therapy training. I like this same respect.

Like you, people who touch me need to be able to be flexible and respectable with what ever boundaries I want. Most of them are, since it is in their training and their job to do to.

When I am laying on a table, if my massage therapist can't adjust to me, I know I need to leave, at that moment-to prevent trauma for me.

 

[Eagle3]

Right now, touch is essential for my healing. Even though I'm still uncomfortable with women or doctors touching me, I love massage therapists and have been seeing an accupressure practitioner who is also a psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety disorders, so I kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. Right now a big part of my current problems actually stem from the LACK of non-threatening physical contact (I train martial arts, but have few friends outside of that sphere). It really depends on the circumstances surrounding the touch, but right now massage and hugs are necessary (only from a few specific people!!). Like others have said, asking permission and treating each person as an individual by personalizing each session is key.

 

[Sammyiam]

I let my therapist hold my hand the other day in therapy. Will I didn't but a young part of me did. I didn't know I had until I came back into the room and she said one of the little parts told me to hold her hand. It freaked me out but she was really nice talking to me about it and we talked for ages about it and I ended up ok with it. There is no way I would let her hold my hand. I can't stand people holding my hand.