A Few Days Off, A Leave Of Absence?

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I went to talk to my principal about taking a couple of days off in the next two weeks. She has told me before that it's better if we plan these things in advance rather than wake up and put in for a sub at the last minute. So I told her that I am anticipating that the next two weeks will be hard because it's anniversary season for me and my therapist will be away. She came back with so many confusing and conflicting thoughts. On one hand, she gets how hard it is for me in a way because her son has PTSD. At the same time she was asking if I needed to take a leave of absence.

Then she was giving me a hard time, in a way, about asking for the days in advance. She said that by saying it's going to be a difficult week, then I will have a difficult week. You know the whole self-full-filling prophecy thing, but I was trying do the whole tell her in advance thing. Then, she reminded me that I had e-mailed her a couple of weeks ago saying that I didn't think I would make it through but then I did just fine. I corrected her and told her I did make it through the school days fine, but I was not fine. I didn't go into details, but I called my therapist once that week (I almost never use the phone so that's a big deal) and she called me on another night when I was having a worse crisis. So I definitely was not "just fine".

And I told my therapist about my conversation with my principal and she inquired about the possibility of a leave of absence. I just wanted a couple of days off and now it seems like I am being told I should take more time off. I don't know if I can do that. I have a huge need to do the right thing and I know in this situation there is not clear right and wrong answer. And that is my problem. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I know no one can make the decision for me at this point. However, I would like any advice or thoughts people have. How do people know when the right time to take a leave of absence is?

 

[Chava]

I'd always go to a union person to help hash these thing out (but of course you need your boss, too). Hope something works out for you. I've never taken a leave but had to shorten my week by one day for a couple months. Would options like that help? I was seeing a couple therapists on my off days, enjoying a coffee shop between appointments...and I had enough sick days. Can you take out one day a week for a month? Or something like that? Hope you find something that works for you..

 

[Deleted member 1860]

As long as you are working, neither work nor healing will receive your full attention. Given that you are very symptomatic, healing will likely be delayed. It's good to balance the two but only when you're at a stable point in healing. Otherwise you don't move forward as all your energy is spent just trying to keep your head above water.

Ps nobody ever dies wishing they had worked more.

Pps think of the airline oxygen mask analogy. If you don't take care of your needs first, you can't help anyone else (ie you're useless in this regard). Help yourself first. It doesn't help your students to have a teacher who has breakdowns behind her desk.

 

[BlueOrange]

How do people know when the right time to take a leave of absence is?

We don't. Sometimes, we go to work when we shouldn't. Sometimes, we stay home when we shouldn't. Sometimes, taking care of yourself means pushing harder. Sometimes, taking care of yourself means being gentler.

Nobody knows for sure. The principal wants you at work, rather than not having you there. That's not a bad thing, but it means that they're not completely impartial when it comes to advising you about what to do.

 

[Suzetig]

You said you felt you needed a couple of days, I think it's fair of your boss to explore whether a longer break might be better for you and it's equally fair or you to stick with your initial request. Can you negotiate reduced hours or duties for a couple of weeks and if not, would you consider taking the time off to look after yourself?

The problem is that there are times when being at work, keeping structure and routine in your life is really protective, but there are also times it can undermine your well being. It seems like you feel the first option is true for you just now, hence looking to negotiate a bit of wriggle room, but being asked to think about the second possibility has thrown you. Take he opportunity to put yourself first, in an ideal world what would suit you most right now and work towards that?

 

[Casper1018]

I agree with @Solara. I have followed your posts and you seem to have been really struggling for a long time balancing work with your symptoms. I have taken a leave of absence from work - twice, and it was the best thing I ever did for me. I realized I was hurting myself, my co-workers, and my patients by not being there 100% for my job. I went inpatient both times to jump start my healing then followed that with intensive outpatient therapy 3 times/week. I was off work 6 weeks both times, and came back in a much better place. I was single at the time so it was an incredible strain on me financially, but definitely well worth it. It is a tough decision, I know, but one well worth seriously weighing the pros and cons of.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Thanks to everyone who has responded so far. It's given me a lot to think about and consider.

 

[Notsowild]

I agree with@Casper 1018...you need to take time off to look after yourself. I had a three month stress leave and it was wonderful with helping calm my symptoms. Financially it wasn't so good. It put me behind on a lot of bills. But your health is more important right now.

 

[lil_fighter]

Take time off to heal and get stronger, it is good that you are thinking ahead and you are managing your feelings. I think you are being professional and considerate by telling your boss in advance. She hasn't really got the right to be advising you because obviously she would prefer that you go in. She is being 'selfish' in a sense because her priority is her business and rightly so but at the same time from your angle, you need to be equally 'selfish' and have some you time. In the log run it is better for your employer even if they don't see it that way now. If you take time to get stonger and feel better in the long run you will be a healthier, more focused employee which is good for everyone all round.

I am always beating myself up over things like this and this week I have taken time off, I don't normally and I have felt guilty for doing it although I have been having awful migraine, flashbacks and severe anxiety. It has taken me over three days to finally calm down and realise that, life goes on, the workplace can wait, I need to be kind to myself and be sensible. You should also take that advice, don't worry and be assertive about the time off that you need. Your employer should have no influence on your decision. She is looking at this from a totally different angle.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I went to school every day this week and did okay at school. Today was a staff development day so there were no students. I asked my principal if I could leave early because we'd talked about this as a possible compromise. She agreed so I get a little down time before I have to go off with my family to see my in-laws. I will need some extra strength for that as my mother-in-law's health has greatly declined recently. My therapist is away on vacation this week, but when she comes back next Thursday I think one of our first things will be to look at where I am and what is the best way to reach the next goals. I am thinking that I will need time off, but I want it to be useful and productive time off. So I guess until there's a plan, I am going to take one day at a time and keep working. At least it's only a 4 day week next week.