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Sufferer A Letter I Sent To To My Treatment Coordinator At The Va

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Army Doc

Bronze Member
Subject: Confused

Mrs. DeVine,

I am writing you today to express my concerns regarding our last phone conversation. As you know I presented in the Emergency room with suicidal ideation, acute symptoms of poly substance abuse and elevated blood pressure/BPM. I was consequently admitted into the hospital for further observation. During this time you conducted a standard mental health assessment. I repeatedly expressed my concerns regarding the escalating effects PTSD was having on myself and my loved ones. I also explained to you the deteriating cognizant symptoms I am suffering from, ie. memory loss, confusion rage etc. You gave me your VA business card and told me to contact you and you would find an inpatient program to address these ongoing, destructive symptoms. Today I called you filled with hope that perhaps there is a place for me, and others like me, to be healed. From day one in Basic Training a Warrior is taught to never show weakness, to never falter, to fulfill your mission. To ask for help, we are taught, is weakness. I am a decorated Combat Veteran, a Warrior. I reached out to you and asked for help. I hope one day you understand that people like me destroy everyone they love, we break everything that is beautiful and rage eats us from the inside. Imagine my confusion, during our phone conversation, that I realized that you GOOGLED PTSD programs. That was the extent of help you are willing to give me. You asked me if I had a pen so you could give me a phone number for a program you found on GOOGLE. No I dont have a pen handy, I thought that was your job. Right now Im weeping, and dont get confused, Im not weeping for me. Im dead inside, my soul is broken. Im weeping for all the people Ive hurt who used to love me. And poor James who hung himself in a lonely, shitty room. Just another dead Marine. Was it because he couldnt find a pen?

DOC
 
I just "liked" that, because I don't have a better option. I don't actually like your situation at all! Don't know quite what else to say, other than welcome to the forum and hang in there. Seems pretty inadequate!

You did the right thing by reaching out. My therapist told me once that the thing to do is keep trying until something works. I don't know that he really knows how hard that is. Great idea though.
 
Both love is not helping you in every way possible. You are a valuable and special person. PTSD is no walk in the park from anyone's perspective and I hope that your family is supportive. We are here. Sometimes we're clumsy or even insensitive but talking with a group experiencing many of the same problems is a wonderful tool to help with recovery.
Sincerely
 
Welcome to the Forum Army Doc. This is a great place with lots of amazing and wise people, who are, it sounds like, a lot like you. Give that you said you and your family and loved ones have also suffered from your injury you might want to point them here too - it is a good place for supporters as well. I know my marriage would have long since been over if I hadn't found the Forum three (four?) years ago. And I think we are going to be ok.

I clicked "like" on your initial post but of course I don't like that you had to write that letter at all. On any level. I will tell you it would break my heart if I were Mrs. Devine. And as an Army mom-in-law and citizen generally I am incensed and appalled at the .... level of disregard for the seriousness of PTSD in vets. That said, it seems the Universe has called you to be a Warrior on behalf of PTSD treatment.

People get better from PTSD. They do. You can too. Learn all you can. Help is A Lot easier to find some places than others.
 
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