The Unhoused Mind - C-trauma And The Sense Of Never Belonging

[missbliss]

As someone who is in their 50's now and at a crossroads where to turn, I've been literally without a place to call home my entire life. Beginning to put the pieces together when I came across the phrase the *unhoused mind* when discussing homelessness and PD's. What I've been attempting to do in my long years of searching is to find roots within the problem and address those. And I'm wondering if there are any resources, books, healing modalities that address the specifics of *belonging* and *home* in a person with early developmental trauma. How this is accomplished and if it's ever been accomplished other than *placement* in a shelter or therapeutic living environment. The goal is to re-create the basic belief system about *home* and *belonging*. So I'm open to hearing your suggestions (positive, please) and am ruling out from the get-go EFT, TAT and the like for this type of reprogramming.

Thanks in advance.

Miss Bliss

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi, I don't have any suggestions for you, but wish you luck on your search. Welcome to the forum!

 

[missbliss]

Thank you

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm really not sure either but welcome to you.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I am quite too young to have life experience needed to give you advice, but still, take my warm welcome and hugs.

 

[missbliss]

Homeless and complex trauma - or PTSD seem to go together in a lot of us, as home is the foundation, the place of the heart that was shattered. It's such an important concept in healing the psyche - I'm just lacking the words and ways on how to go about a search on this. Studies don't cut it because they come from a dry, demographic standpoint, it's the reconnecting, trans formative process I'm looking for - where home is transformed from a hell hole to a place of love and safety - and it's not only a home - but Home.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I am currently living in a bad home situation, so if any advice you can give, tell me how to deal with bad experience of everyday life (parents making me feel bad about everything). And some rarer stuff (door has a hole, been like that for a while, and I just lie to people my little brother did it.

 

[Tinyflame]

@missbliss , your post above eloquently expresses something my heart struggles with.

Dear @otakujome , ideally physically get away, if not permanently at least for reprieves. If nothing else, at least with activities & thoughts & distractions true to you. Realize it's them. Learn & practice emotional detachment. Get support, IRL +/or support groups & here at the forum. Hugs to you, xox.

 

[missbliss]

I think the first home, the womb laid down the blueprint for later problems in finding my place in the world. Not being welcomed in the world, not fitting in, not having a sense of belonging - that's all tied in to this state of homelessness. That was a state of pre-language, you can't put what happened in the womb into words - only feelings. The fetus only knows love or fear. That fear is then associated with the *home* and all that entails - and will then replicate throughout life in drama, insecurity, fear-related living situations, domestic violence and more. Until that spell/curse/code is broken.

Please forgive me for free-associating like this - maybe something will be said, someone will comment - and things will become clearer. I just know I cannot continue like this - moving from place to place.

Home is where the heart is. What if you don't know where your heart is?

 

[Tinyflame]

Maybe the heart is the part that has to figure it out?

 

[Justmehere]

Maybe looking into how attachment wounds from childhood get healed through adult relationships might help? Perhaps the way people develop earned secure attachment might help? I never felt at home anywhere, even though I was never homeless, until I started to shift my attachment pattern from disorganized to a slightly more secure attachment (it's still a work in progress). What gets wounded in relationship often gets healed in relationship. Kids with secure attachment tend to grow up into adults who can travel the world and yet always hold a sense of belonging somewhere.

 

[Friday]

I've spent a bit of time homeless / have to fight against going back there intentionally whenever things are rough (It's my least favorite way to live, but is still on my favorites list)... But I come from a warm and loving home. My PTSD came later, as an adult. Homelessness is, soothing is the wrong word, but similar. Grounding. Gets rid of all the noise. The stresses of modern living aren't something I do easily. Or well. (paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, bills, and appearances, and being easy to find -aim not keen on defensible positions, I'd rather be a ghost-, room after room for sitting, sitting, sitting, and buying yet another waffle maker, and mealtimes, and memberships, mail... The list goes on and on...and on and on). Meanwhile the stresses of homelessness dovetail neatly into my skill set.

I've lived a lot of different ways over the years.. Houses, flats, boats, hotels, cars, rough. Fixed addresses or always on the move. With people and without. People, at least the people I'm mostly around, seem to have this fixed idea of what "home" is. Be it apartments or houses. I'm coming to believe that's never something I'm going to be entirely comfortable with. I'm currently trying to experiment with merging the best of both worlds. There are a couple different avenues I can take with it. Not quite ready to go boat-people... Staying land based for the time being. It may not look like most people's ideas of home, but most people aren't living there. I am. Or will be. Working on scrapping everyone else's notions, and "simply" figuring out what I want/need. That's been the hardest part. And I'm sure will take some tweaking. Shrug. What doesn't?

When I was homeless... I avoided help like the plague. There's tons of it out there, but even just a cursory exam showed it to be offering things I didn't want in my life. Worse, expecting me to be happy about things I don't want. No thanks! Someone else who desperately wants what I hate is more than welcome to it :)

Anyhow... My suggestion would be to scrap whatever world views define home in your mind, and to sort out what you actually want in your life, and how you want it to look. Might look normal, might not. But it would be yours.