When To Return To Work

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I know that I am the only one who can answer this question, but I welcome any thoughts or advice to help me on that decision-making journey. I have been out for almost two months and most of that time I have been in a partial hospitalization program (PHP). Things were going well and I had a meeting with my principal just before Christmas break. I asked for an additional week off and explained my reasoning. I was pretty good at stating what I needed to at that meeting. However, there have recently been medication snafus in which I have experienced rare side effects to a medication. I am not on a new medication, but am scared of how I am going to react to it. I've had a few bad experiences in figuring out the right medications.

I am set to graduate the PHP this Friday and return to work on Monday. I am freaking out. I know part of it is the change and the scariness of going back to work, which is normal and won't change no matter when I go back. But I feel so unsettled about the medication issues, that I am falling apart again in a way that I know I am not ready to go back. I realize that can change by the end of the week, but I am trying to decide whether to ask for an additional week off. That's what I want to do.

But weighing on my mind is that my students and their parents are expecting me to return on Monday. If I were dealing with a physical ailment and told them I had a set back in my recovery, they would probably be supportive. But even though I didn't tell them, the parents have pretty much guessed that I am out for mental health reasons and so I have gotten no support from them, only the constant nagging as to when I will be back to teaching. I also don't want to seem like I've regressed and am unable to do my job. I still feel I will be able to, I am just not feeling stable enough at this moment.

So any thoughts are welcome- words of encouragement, opinions, anything to help me through this. Thanks in advance.

 

[Casey_03]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear that you've found yourself in this situation. I think it is obvious from what you've written that deep down you know you should wait another week, but I agree that part of this fear of going back on Monday may just be anxiety. If you do wait another week, is that enough time for any issues with the medication to be completely resolved? Will that week really change things? If so, then I say definitely take an additional week and don't worry about what people will think -- it would be far worse if you returned only to have things blow up in your face and have to take off again. If, however, this week won't really resolve things with the medication, then it might do you good and relieve some of the anxiety to go back on Monday. I know it's a tough decision, so try to follow your instincts -- but keep in mind that your anxiety may be masquerading as your instincts in this case. It also wouldn't hurt to consult your doctor who prescribed the medication, if that is possible in this case. At the end of the day, you know yourself better than anyone else, and if alarm bells are going off, you should heed their advice. Hope this helps somewhat.

 

[shimmerz]

That's what I want to do.

I have learned to follow my inner voice, no matter what. My heart knows better than my head many times. That is just me.

so I have gotten no support from them

My rule of thumb? If someone isn't by my bedside and helping me put the pieces back together if I make a poor decision, then they don't factor into the decision I make.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

it also wouldn't hurt to consult your doctor who prescribed the medication, if that is possible in this case.

I've been working almost daily with the prescriber to work through the issues.

Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate them.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

My rule of thumb? If someone isn't by my bedside and helping me put the pieces back together if I make a poor decision, then they don't factor into the decision I make.

Yes, but in this case I feel the parents have so much factor into whether I get to keep my job even though that's not technically true. But I keep telling myself maybe it's time for a change and to look for a job elsewhere.

I have been working hard to trust my inner voice because it has proven to be true, but it's still an issue. Thanks for supporting that.

 

[shimmerz]

even though that's not technically true

Hey @JEKBreatheandBelieve if that is not true then why would you need to get a new job? Sorry, just trying to figure out what is belief and what is reality here. Just ignore if it is too much digging k?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@shimmerz - I work in a small community so though the parents aren't directly involved in the process of hiring and firing, they are very vocal. Last year parents requested not to have their child in my class because of absences and it was no where like this year. Also, I know the politics of schools, if they don't want you there any more (which is so far not the feeling I am getting within the system), they will find ways to squeeze you out. I also feel that if I can't stop myself from worrying about what the parents are thinking (and I am working really hard to block those thoughts these days, but it's proving really hard), then I may never feel truly comfortable there. I love my job and my school, but I have had very little support and I am not buying the excuse of "people just don't know what to do when it's a mental health issue"- it's not that hard to send a card or a warm thought. Anyway, that's enough ranting about that. I don't want to lead myself too much down that road because it gets me really worked up.

 

[shimmerz]

Jeez, that is a tough go @JEKBreatheandBelieve . That on top of the issues you are facing in getting better. See, black and white, which was the format of my original answer really doesn't cut it most times. Sorry to have thrown that type of response at you. It is obvious that there are lots of conflicting ideas, thoughts and feelings around this for you. I don't have many ideas for you and I am sorry for that but I want you to know that I am sending the good vibes back to you that you are sending to me. Keep trying to keep that fear at bay and know that you are treasured here. :hug:

 

[Seasounds]

Given your situation, and the thread contributions so far,

1. It does seem very reasonable that you get your meds stabilized before going back to work, and followed closely, the first few weeks. Can you set up follow-up phone or in-person appointments, after you get out-where you could be in touch every other day?

2. Can someone be an advocate for you at work? Any relationships with any other teachers, administrators?

3. Can someone, a friend, be your steady bridge, to transition from the hospital to home?

4. In weighing you past an present experiences with the school, what would work best in your favor? Going back sooner, with some med insecurities, or going back with less med insecurities?

 

[scout86]

Although the parents probably want you back (which is a GOOD thing, because it means they appreciate you as a teacher) I doubt they want you back if you're going to be struggling with adverse reactions to medications. Of course, they don't KNOW what you're struggling with, for the most part, right?

I also feel that if I can't stop myself from worrying about what the parents are thinking (and I am working really hard to block those thoughts these days, but it's proving really hard), then I may never feel truly comfortable there.

The problem with "worrying" is that it doesn't do anything other than stress YOU out. How about you try to find out what the parents are thinking? Want to bet they aren't all thinking the same things? They have their kids to think of, they have a legitimate stake in the situation, how about you all get together and talk about this? You still think you can do the job and so do your bosses. Tell them that, face to face. There's nothing shameful about what you're going through. You've been very brave, you're doing the best you can. This is no different from their kids; teacher having a physical disease like cancer.

"Blocking" thoughts has never worked for me, I don't know about you. Confronting them, taking them apart, figuring out what they're made of, deciding how accurate they are, basing them on more up to date, accurate information, that kind of thing seems to work better for me.

As far as "people don't know what to do with a ,mental health issue", I think it's true. I honestly never would have thought of sending someone a get well card, if they were hospitalized for a mental health problem. Just wouldn't have! I guess I'd assume they had better things to do than read cards? Never would have crossed my mind. And, when people don't know what's going on, when there's an element of secrecy, I think sometimes they think the appropriate thing to do is play along and pretend they don't notice. ("What do you MEAN the Emperor isn't wearing any clothes?????") In some places, "pretending you didn't notice" is considered polite. It might not be very supportive, which is too bad. But, sometimes people really don't know what to do and they will tend to take their cues from the "sick person".

As to your actual question, I think you should have all your ducks in a row before you go back. Worrying about having the medication under control adds another level of difficulty that no one needs, including you. I would imagine that everyone who leaves that program to return to work has concerns that are similar to yours, so the staff has a lot of experience with what a "normal" level of anxiety is. What do they say about how you're feeling? I think feeling that you're as prepared as you can be is the best way to go. As my T likes to say, "I want you to get through this as fast as you can, but not faster."

Take care & keep up the good work JEK!

 

[Hope4future]

Is there anyway you could go back part-time for that first week? That might be a way to ease the transition for everyone. You get a chance to get your head back into the classroom without the full time load. The kids get a chance to say goodbye to the sub and hello again to you.
I know this might not work depending on your teaching assignment. I transitioned back to the classroom this way after my maternity leave, and it eased my anxiety by allowing me to get back to work, but created some extra space to adjust to the change. Just a thought.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If you're in partial hospitalization now then I'd say its near certainty that you're jumping the gun by going back to work on Monday. That is, you're going from a full day program to maybe once a week therapy and a full time job on top of that? Yep, too much. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the time to adjust to being away from 8 hour a day support.