A Really Stupid Thing I Did

[Ehip]

I was raped when I was 15. It was during the summer school break.

When I went back to school, a assignment was set on "What I did this Summer", by a male teacher

I wrote about the rape, very briefly, as part of it.

The writing was passed to a female teacher. She spoke to me about it, and told me it had not happened.

How can I ever tell a therapist I asked for help in such a stupid, self-promoting way. But if I don't, how can tell the truth about what happened?

 

[Dufona]

I see more alerting that the teacher simply negated it, reminds me of the theraphis that kicked me out when I didn't agree with him about a thing.

It's only natural you asked for help, don't eat yourself over the way you did it. It's okay.

You shouldn't feel guilty, just talk about it with your theraphist, if he/she is good, she won't judge you nor make you feel bad about it, I see nothing wrong with the way you asked for help, but with the way teacher reacted.

Well, good luck and :hug:s if you accept!

 

[Udu]

I fail to see how that's a stupid self promoting way? You were reaching out for help only to get bitch-slapped by the same people who were supposed to help you. I am guessing you're not in the USA? Sorry, not trying to give your identity away or anything. Truthfully, I'd like to smack that female teacher for telling you that your abuse did not happen!

I did the same thing when I was 15, but my essay was about a child who was in a perfect looking family but there was lots of abuse going on behind closed doors. It was the first time I reached out for help. Unfortunately it was seen as nothing more than creative writing. I don't blame the teacher for not seeing it. (She was very young, in her first year of teaching.)

 

[Fimep]

First, what you did wasn't stupid, not at all. You reached out for help and there's absolutely nothing stupid about that. What is stupid is the response you got. Now that's truly stupid.

It almost seems, maybe, that the male teacher did what he thought was right. It's possible. But the female teacher really f*d up.

I'm sorry you had to deal with a double trauma: rape, and then being ignored when you reported it.

I'm absolutely positive that you can tell your therapist exactly what you just told us. I think its really important that you do exactly that on your next session.

 

[Ezuk]

You're human @ehip. We all are (well, most of us). I, personally, wouldn't have ever considered what you did stupid. Your therapist should certainly not.

Be honest with your therapist and yourself.

Just two cents from a very flawed fellow human.

Peace.

 

[Ehip]

I'm not seeing a therapist now, but planning to start soon, and this is on my mind as an example of why I don't like to ask or expose myself. It is just one time I was not believed. There have been others. I'm afraid of not being believed whenI start therapy. I'm afraid of asking wrong, yet again

am guessing you're not in the USA?

Why?

But the female teacher really f*d up.

But I was already considered odd. In fairness, I was odd. I was abused as a child.

 

[Gumef]

A therapists job isn't really to believe you. From my experience they don't question the validity of your perceptions, but rather, help you cope with and understand those perceptions.

If a therapist tells you you're just making this all up, find a new one.

 

[Irume]

I often sent my teachers letters when I was being abused. They ignored them until the head teacher took me aside and told me to stop sending them because I was 'distressing' them.

The reactions of my teachers and your's makes no sense. It is normal to want to reach out and it is scary to talk directly so writing is one way to do that. Really they should be trained to look for signs of abuse and not dismiss it so readily.

My therapist told me it was unacceptable for my teachers to it ignore my cries for help, just as it is unacceptable for her to ignore yours. Rape and child abuse are things that as a culture people don't like to face up to, part of the reason it is hushed up is because authority figures are scar

 

[Idudo]

(Sorry screwed that post up)

Authority figures are scared of it. But that is no excuse it is a teachers job to help you. It isn't an attention seeking or bad way to write it.

*hugs*

 

[Jejoc]

When you go searching for a therapist, make phone contact first, and you can ask them point blank if they would believe you if you told them about your abuse. Tell them of your concern. More than likely, they'll say "of course" and if they don't, hang up and don't look back. If you wanted to fart into the mouthpiece before slamming it down, all the better.

Remember, therapists work for you. They are essentially a contractor reporting to you. They aren't your superior; they aren't better than you. They have certain expertise that you lack and they have the ability to see things you may not be able to perceive accurately.

 

[Ehip]

Really they should be trained to look for signs of abuse and not dismiss it so readily.

Maybe they are now - this was many years ago

attention seeking

That's the phrase. I'm so determinedly not attention seeking now that I don't tell when I'm in the pits, have taken pills, believe I have no right to exist.

until the head teacher took me aside and told me to stop sending them because I was 'distressing' them.

That is terrible. You deserved more.How come I can see that as appalling when it is done to you, but see myself as blame worthy?

 

[Ipu]

That's the phrase. I'm so determinedly not attention seeking now that I don't tell when I'm in the pits, have taken pills, believe I have no right to exist.

That is terrible. You deserved more.How come I can see that as appalling when it is done to you, but see myself as blame worthy?

I could have written the same thing myself a little while ago. Feeling attention seeking is one of my main problems - it cripples me. It is a vicious and dangerous cycle that I think comes about because we have such low self worth. The fact is everyone deserves attention and care, but the term 'attention seeking' is so judgemental. There is nothing wrong with needing help and asking for care or compassion. It's a difficult thing to believe I know and something I'm still working on.

A lot of people I know wih mental health problems can be so empathic with others yet struggle to be so to themselves. Especially those with abuse histories. Abuse erodes your self worth makes you feel less than human, so it makes sense that we struggle to be kind to extend that same kindness to ourselves.

But your feelings towards yourself do not reflect reality. Know that the feelings you have about what I went through should also be applied to yourself. You probably know that logically, but until you can feel it we are holding the care for you.