Need Help With Domestic Violence

[saoirserylyn]

Last night, I came home at 2am after a long day of traveling (airports, etc) and my boyfriend bad parked in front of the garage. I came upstairs and and asked kindly if he could please move his truck, so that I could park my car. I had work at 6am this morning and needed to move fast to get some sleep last night. He said no and went to lay on the couch. I followed him into the living room, sat down on the end of the couch and asked again. Before I even knew what was going on he kicked me very forcefully off the the couch, I fell backwards off the couch. I got up freaking out and crying. He went back to the bedroom and I followed again (dumb idea, but I was scared and not thinking). He ran at me, grabbed both my arms (leaving long scratch marks) and pushed me out of the room. He then tried kicking me in the face. When I turned around to leave, he kicked me the hardest in my lower back sending me tumbling over and injuring my arm (not sure if it's broken, but it is badly bruised and can't touch or bend it).

I don't know where any of this came from. I am a ptsd sufferer. I was kidnapped, raped and tortured two years ago. My current boyfriend has never been abusive toward me, we've had our fights. One time the police were called and he lied to them saying I scratched him (I've never touched him). I'm scared to call the police again because he will self mutilate and try an get me trouble. He's told the police that my ptsd makes me violent (It does make me feel crazy sometimes, like screaming and yelling, but I've never hurt anyone).

I just don't know what to do. I can't leave because I have no family here and no where else to go. His family lives in this city, but he refuses to leave our apartment (we are both on the lease). I want him out, I want him off the lease. What do I do? Should I photograph the wounds and bruises he left last night or is it too late? I don't want him to know I want to get the police involved, he'll hurt me if I do. I'm scared and don't know how to handle this.

 

[joeylittle]

It's not too late. I'm sorry to hear you went through such a terrifying experience.

You can go to the police, and probably that would be best. A restraining order may actually get him out of the apartment.

Is there anyone you trust who can come help you? And where are you now?

 

[somerandomguy]

If it's possible to go ANYPLACE else, please leave ASAP. Don't wait, just do it.

 

[saoirserylyn]

I have no where to go, the area I live in doesn't have a shelter or anything. I'm kind of in the middle of no where. My closest family is 3 hours away, but I need to keep my job. It's the first full time job I've been able to keep and the only thing that keeps me from losing my mind. And my therapist is nearby.

 

[rightkindofme]

I've lived in my car because it is better than being treated like that.

I'm really sorry. If you won't go to the police there probably isn't much help you can get.

 

[Eleanor]

You need to go to the police and have them get him out of the house. He committed a crime. The very best thing you can do is to press charges. You also need to go to the hospital to see if your arm is broken. Is there a women's shelter in your area? Or an abused women's network? You need some support.

You need to take care of yourself and get out of that situation (whether it means you leaving or him leaving, you guys can't be together) ASAP. Once abuse like this starts, it doesn't stop.

If you can afford the apartment by yourself, if you file charges and get a restraining order against him you can get him out and off the lease. You will need some help with this from the police and legal aid. If you can't afford the apartment by yourself you need to immediately start looking for someplace else to live. Worst case put your stuff in storage and go back to your family. It is not worth risking your life for a job. And given the severity of the violence that is the risk here.

GET OUT AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND POLICE. Don't tell him where you are going, just go. Ask someone at the hospital to photograph the injuries.

 

[saoirserylyn]

I called and talked to my mother, she said to give him today to get out peacefully. If not, she's going to come up here tomorrow to take me to the hospital and to file charges while he's at work, so he doesn't have to know. She's scared for me to go through with it if no one is here. He's twice my size and I don't trust what he'd do if I went to the police.

 

[saoirserylyn]

I'm also scared that he'll use my ptsd against me to make me look like a violent monster like he has in the past. Last time I called the cops, the cops kicked me out of my apartment because my boyfriend cut himself in the bathroom and told the cops I had a "ptsd rage" and attacked him. The cops even threatened to throw me in jail. I'm just scared he'll turn everything around on me and because I have a history of going to therapy - I have problems and they'll believe him over me. It's happened before. He even texted me today saying that I "probably broke my own arm." He texted saying "you've tried committing suicide before, so that shows you could've broken your own arm."

 

[Deleted member 1860]

WOOHOO! (For your mom helping you and such.) Yes, photograph your injuries now so you have that evidence. Write down what he did, where he hurt you, and a description of your injuries.

Please keep us updated so we can know you are ok. I am glad you are not just sweeping this under the rug as abusers only get worse. Next time you may not live to see the light of day.

 

[WildMermaid]

Also be very careful about signing into websites. Delete your browser history, and make sure your email is locked down tight. Never leave a site logged in and memorize your passwords. Get out dear, get out while you still have a chance. Please. Every single person here is giving solid and valuable advice. Sometimes shelters will come to pick you up if you meet them at a public location. You need Police, Hospital, or involvement from a shelter. Your boyfriend is using your victimization against you and the next time you may not get by with a potentially broken arm. Get out of there, nothing you have there is worth this abuse. Have you had therapy for the other events? Now is the time to change your course and get yourself somewhere safe. He will not change. Do not believe for a second that this will be an isolated incident. Please go now. Please survive.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I say go to the hospital and let them see your injuries. Those doctors know their stuff. They know a battered woman. They will document all of your injuries.....ALL of them. Its NOT easy to hurt yourself in your lower back, so definitely get all that stuff documented by MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS! And if there is bruising, they can take pictures of it all as evidence. Yes, you have PTSD, but hurting yourself to that extent? NOPE, don't let him pin this on you! I would even tell the doctors and police that he has done this to you before, but last time he cut himself so that he looked like the victim in it all. Yep, get it ALL out in the open.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Oh, and it might be best to just go.....if you confront him at home, you are giving him the opportunity to cut himself again, then call the cops on you. He is twice your size, get out ASAP.