My Uncle Is Still In Denial That I Am Mentally Disabled And Cannot Do Most Things.

[sun seeker]

It sounds like your uncle believes in you, and cares for you very much.

It does?

This comment startled me so much at first I thought you were being sarcastic, but then I realized (I think) you are serious. It just goes to show how different people can interpret the same words in entirely different ways, especially in writing. That wasn't what I got from the post at all.

Which leads me to ask: @Kristina25, since none of us actually know your uncle and you do, what do you feel his intention was, and if you aren't sure, can you ask him?

I do get the need to be heard, especially by your family. Are you in therapy? A therapist might be able to hear you better than your family can.

 

[Kristina25]

However, lots of people do meaningful things with their lives even though they have PTSD. Why is volunteering off the table?

Because I have Fibromyalgia and possibly Lupus and can not possibly be expected to volunteer when I am half asleep at the place I could choose to volunteer at.

 

[joeylittle]

Because it's driving me crazy, I did some learning about the term "Serious Mental Illness" (SMI)

The term is considered a legal/federal designation in the US. The law defines the following conditions as a serious mental illness:

• Schizophrenia
• Paranoid and other psychotic disorders
• Bipolar disorders (hypomanic, manic, depressive, and mixed)
• Major depressive disorders (single episode or recurrent)
• Schizoaffective disorders (bipolar or depressive)
• Pervasive developmental disorders
• Obsessive-compulsive disorders
• Depression in childhood and adolescence
• Panic disorder
• Post traumatic stress disorders (acute, chronic, or with delayed onset)
• Bulimia Nervosa 307.51
• Anorexia Nervosa 307.1

(taken from Link Removed)

And this article does a great job of explaining where and why the term came about in the first place, what its usefulness was, and where it is heading.

Where did the term “SMI” come from? In the 1992 ADAMHA Reorganization Act (P.L. 102-321), Congress directed the Secretary of Health and Human Services to develop a federal definition of SMI to aid in the estimation of SMI incidence and prevalence rates in states that were applying for grant funds to support mental health services.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/about/director/2013/getting-serious-about-mental-illnesses.shtml
Click on the link to read more.

As far as whether or not your uncle is right, I do think you are underestimating the capabilities of people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It does take work, but it is proven to be a manageable condition.

One of the most harmful misconceptions about BPD is that it is a life sentence—that people with BPD will struggle with the disorder for their entire lives, and that little can be done about it...First and foremost, studies have found that rates of recovery from BPD are much higher than previously thought. In one of the longest studies on BPD...86% of people with BPD stopped meeting criteria for BPD for at least four years, and 50% of people recovered completely (as shown by no longer meeting BPD criteria and having good social and work functioning)

http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/visions...disorder-vol7/borderline-personality-disorder

So, yes, your uncle is jumping right to "pick yourself up by the bootstraps and it will be ok", which isn't really accurate. But have you looked into finding a DBT program near you? DBT is the recognized treatment for Borderline, and it has a ton of evidence backing it up.

 

[Kristina25]

since none of us actually know your uncle and you do, what do you feel his intention was, and if you aren't sure, can you ask him?

I do get the need to be heard, especially by your family. Are you in therapy? A therapist might be able to hear you better than your family can.

My uncle is meaning to be mean to me just like all my other family members are. He says he loves me, but I know he doesn't. And I am on the road to getting a Therapist. Just left a message for my case manager about it today.

 

[Justmehere]

Doctors are required by medical ethics and law to properly list all diagnoses given. A diagnosis is listed in your file for many reasons, not just for prescribing medications, but for proper treatment, recording of an accurate medical history, insurance coverage purposes, and many other reasons.

It is very serious that your doctor is intentionally not putting a legitimate diagnosis in the file, into your medical record. It might be worth considering findIng a new doctor who is not so dangerously lazy, or perhaps you and the doctor need to talk more about why he is not listing the diagnosis in your official medical records.

Getting diagnosis listed accurately is key for anyone understanding your condition and struggle more accurately. Especially for any therapist or doctor you see for any illness in the future.

It's great that you took the step to call your case manager about a therapist. I hope they get back to you soon about more options!

 

[sun seeker]

He says he loves me, but I know he doesn't.

In that case, hard as it is - and believe me, I know how hard it is - you need to stop seeking his understanding and approval. You'll just get hurt again and again. I'm sorry it's that way, I know how much it hurts.

And I am on the road to getting a Therapist.

Wonderful! Best of luck, hope you find a good one.

 

[Kristina25]

post: 809077, member: 25135"]As far as whether or not your uncle is right, I do think you are underestimating the capabilities of people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It does take work, but it is proven to be a manageable condition.

Um you also failed to explain how exactly Bipolar Type 2 can go away. Or PTSD or Social Anxiety Disorder. And yes all that is proof enough that I cannot function properly. Let alone work or do anything else. You don't even know me or how bad my Mental Illness is so don't even try to make judgements.

So, yes, your uncle is jumping right to "pick yourself up by the bootstraps and it will be ok", which isn't really accurate. But have you looked into finding a DBT program near you? DBT is the recognized treatment for Borderline, and it has a ton of evidence backing it up.

I tried DBT for 1 day. Couldn't handle it. It made me stressed out and I couldn't do it.

 

[sun seeker]

You don't even know me or how bad my Mental Illness is so don't even try to make judgements.

I think she was actually trying to be encouraging. I don't see any judgement in her post.

I'm hearing a very very strong need to have people hear how bad it is. I wonder whether people's efforts to give you tools are being translated in your mind into "DANGER - more people who don't get it." Is this a trigger for you?

The thing is, your family might not get it, but here, we do. We might not get every nuance, but we wouldn't be here if we weren't seriously affected by trauma. You can relax and trust that. You don't have to justify yourself here.

 

[Friday]

It does?
This comment startled me so much at first I thought you were being sarcastic, but then I realized (I think) you are serious. It just goes to show how different people can interpret the same words in entirely different ways, especially in writing. That wasn't what I got from the post at all..

Yeah... <grin> Not sarcastic! Here's how I parsed it: (if only for academic interest)

For one; he actually pays attention & can list off several varied interests (medical, spiritual, hobby, etc.), even though he doesn't agree with them.

Two; he lists out 4 very different options/life paths (school, work, volunteering, helping others... Which is cool, most people don't actually consider that a valid path),

Three; He's gruff and to the point, but he's only ever disparaging of other 'silly things & bullshit' she's choosing to spend her time on / not ever disparages her, herself (you're wasting your time, versus you're a waste of time). When someone is worried for someone they care for, listing out the mistakes they believe they're making is difficult, but also very different from attacking the person (or you're drinking too much vs you're just a worthless drunk = criticism vs personal attack)

Four: "It's up to you to do it, no one else can do it for you"... Is a double shot of belief. To begin with, that he believes she can do it, and second that she can understand what he's saying/grok it.

Fifth & probably most; he assigns her her own agency. Her choices. He may not agree with them, but he fully gives her the right to make them, and he loves her so he's not going to cut her out of his life because she's making choices he wouldn't, and doesn't agree with. Not gonna lie and say he supports them, but he supports her. Whatever her choices, he still loves her.

1&5 together = While most people who don't actually love someone won't pay attention enough to the person to know varied interests, controlling & abusive people do, in order to control them or as ammunition to mock them. But controlling gets tossed out of the arena, because he not only lists out pretty much every possible life path out there (school, work, volunteer, help others... If that includes being a stay at home parent, that really is about the sum total), but then backs up and says whatever she wants to do is her decision, and he'll love her regardless including what she's doing right now, although it makes him sad.

 

[joeylittle]

Um you also failed to explain how exactly Bipolar Type 2 can go away. Or PTSD or Social Anxiety Disorder. And yes all that is proof enough that I cannot function properly. Let alone work or do anything else. You don't even know me or how bad my Mental Illness is so don't even try to make judgements.

I'm sorry, I don't mean at all to be making judgements. I was focusing on the Borderline because it is the most challenging to treat and manage, in my opinion, in general. But of course you are right, I don't know your situation, and I do not mean to be judging.

I can tell you what I know from personal experience. I know a number of people with type 2 bipolar disorder, and they manage it very well with medication. My brother is the one I know best - and it took him the longest. He didn't become willing to commit to a med regimen until recently, in his early 30s. But he's doing great now. His bipolar is extremely severe, and there is a trade-off; his meds are strong, and he doesn't always like how they feel. But he does like being able to hold a job and go to junior college. He also has a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder, and he manages that through a combination of medication and CBT.

I went through a period when I was unable to work because of a major depressive episode, and I still can't work to my full capabilities. The combination of my PTSD symptoms and the depression, which is still active, causes me to miss work more than I'd like. I'm really lucky I have a job that I can manage around my symptoms, I know everyone can't do that.

I guess what I'm challenging in what you've written is what sounds like an assumption that none of these pieces can ever shift. For example, the first time I tried DBT it really was upsetting. The second time, a few years later, it was the most perfect, helpful thing. And then when I tried to expand on it, I found that the structure for that wasn't helpful for me. Our illnesses are moving targets. Right now you are in a place where you need to be on disability, and maybe that will be forever, and that's not a thing to be ashamed of. But you can still find ways to make your life more livable through continuing to explore therapy and medication.

It's worth considering, at any rate.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Kristina25: what you have told about your uncle's comments, it sounds as if he doesn't understand the word mental illness. What he said was a bit too harsh to say to someone who is struggling with saddness. Him blocking you was unnecessary.

Anyway apart from your uncle's comments, I would like to tell you that you really need to work on your issues. No one has said that it's going to be easy to deal with the struggles of depression or ptsd or any other illnesses you have.

Yes, I may sound mean or rude but you have to help yourself before you expect it from anyone. I am only saying that from personal experience and being an expert with depression for the last 12 years. I also refused to get therapy when I was first diagnosed with depression because I was not allowed to "tell family secrets ". I kept everything bottled inside for 10 years and then opened the lid to and was attracting all sorts of predators. It wasn't until last year when I decided to go for long term therapy because a magic pill (antidepressants ) doesn't do the magic itself unless you seek additional help.

Don't waste time thinking that no one can help you unless they perfectly cure you. There is no perfect cure for anything but techniques in place to help you cope with your symptoms better. I wasted so many years being on antidepressants with a hope thinking that thesr magic pills will cure me but they didn't. It is best to get medication along with therapy to cope better.

I am not saying that i am perfect but i am actually better than I was last year around this time. I'm sorry for writing too much but I wanted to share this. I hope this helped and my best wishes are with you.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I think your uncle is actually trying to help, he is not a mental health expert he is an ordinary guy who sees you stuck in this terrible disease and he is wording it in the only way he knows how. I'm afraid it is very hard, but if you just sit back and let the diagnosis mean you are incapable of doing anything then that is what will happen.

Your diagnosis do not mean you are incapable of working or studying. BUT it is extremely hard to push through and you need support from a good therapist who will tell you the right things. Not that you are incapable of doing anything because you have this diagnosis but that you CAN do anything you want if you put your mind to it. It will be tough, but it is not impossible. You need support to push you into doing it. There is no reason why you can't work and do things, may be part time, maybe voluntary. But when you start to try you will find you can do these things.

My sister was borderline personality, she did nothing with her life, she refused to do any care or management of herself and wanted everyone to do it for her. She stayed with my abusive mother because my mother would clean and cook and give her money and she did not have to work or do a thing. She then hooked onto abusive boyfriends because they would look after her and she didn't have to work. She was like a baby, she could not look after herself because she never learned. She ended up dead.

My sister needed people around her who would have encouraged her to become independent and not reliant on abusers. She didn't, she died of suicide after another one of her abusive boyfriends dumped her.

You are young, you can stay at home and do nothing for the moment, but as you get older, that will get more and more difficult as you become dependent on aging parents (who you mention your family are not supportive anyway) and a mental health system and welfare state that will lead you to poverty and less and less self-esteem.

You are young, it is much easier to get the support and help at your age. You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it.

Anyone who is telling you that your diagnosis means you are not capable of being productive in some way in life is wrong and it is abuse. Your uncle may be approaching it in the wrong way but he is right, you can and should be encouraged to try to get off that computer and live your life. You are young it goes quickly, take advantage of your youth, it is a gift that does not last.