Feeling Safe In The Office

[ButterflyBean]

Hi everyone,

I don't post much, but I do read threads multiple times a day. For those who don't know or remember, my PTSD stems from many medical procedures as a result of my disability. Lately, I have noticed several posts about establishing a sense of safety in the therapeutic relationship or topics of a similar nature.

I've been in therapy quite a long time; however, I was not diagnosed with PTSD until about 18 months ago. I started EMDR around that time and have found the method extremely helpful in terms of experiencing my feelings. Currently, I do EMDR roughly once a month and have regular sessions with a different provider on a weekly basis. During these sessions, I process whatever comes up during EMDR. The set up has worked extremely well for me, and I usually have double sessions in addition to EMDR.

My therapist and I have recently discovered that for me, feeling unsafe means I am experiencing several emotions at once, which can sometimes be hard to identify. I have great difficulty expressing my emotions in therapy due to past experiences of being told it was not okay or safe to express them. Additionally, I have been told "everything is going to be okay/fine", or something similar by many medical professionals throughout the years. I had an extremely difficult therapy session recently, and my therapist provided reassurance with something similar to the above. It was at the end of the session, so I could not explain why her words were so triggering to me, although we did discuss it the next week. She understands the reasoning; however, I told her that I have a general need for reassurance, but I don't exactly know what she could say or do that wouldn't upset me. I was also triggered when she asked me to comfort myself by giving myself a hug without using words. We discussed my reaction to her request at the next session. The majority of these discoveries and discussions have come out of my desire to do inner child work and a not so good experience with DBT. I won't go into details, but let's say that the therapist and I did not click well, and the idea of going to a skills and/or group is putting to much pressure on me at this point.

I know in my heart that I trust my therapist as much as I can for where I am at the present time. So, this thread is not meant to be about how to build safety in our relationship as much as it is about feeling safe in her office. Safe enough to express my emotions; there have been many times I have wanted to cry but have stopped myself in one way or another. In fact, I was able to verbalize that I needed to cry at the end of our session yesterday. All this being said, my question is, are there things your therapist says or does that allow you to feel safe enough to express your emotions and let go? In other words, is there something that could replace the line "everything is going to be okay…?"

I had EMDR today and a double session next week. I really want to release some feelings next week because I am at my breaking point. Having a good, hard cry would relieve some pressure I'm sure, but I am not sure how to ask for/get what I need. Any thoughts or suggestions of support would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Jane.l]

My T sometimes used to say- 'right here, right now you are safe' - I find that reassuring - can't offer much because I don't express myself emotionally in therapy or out of it really. Good to hear you are finding EMDR helpful, I didn't but I think maybe it was a timing issue, I might try again in the future.

 

[Born to Run]

When I encounter the inability to go further into releasing certain emotions, while they are so close beneath the surface, my therapist comes and sits next to me and gives support in way of a hand on my back, or shoulder, as these are the body parts sensitive to receiving support. This always works. I do somatic experiencing, so light touch is normal. If it would need to be in words, he would say like 'let's go through this together' or 'I am here to support you'. The phrase 'everything will be ok' would be really a no go for me. It does not mean very much.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I, too, get mad when other my therapist says that "everything is going to be okay". I do not allow her to use the word safe- even the safe in this moment. I won't let anyone tell me I am safe because I don't believe in safety in any sense. I do allow the word okay at times in place of safe. My therapist will usually reassure me that "we will get through this. I can't say it will be easy, but we will get through this." or some similar message. She also reassures me that she is right there with me and will continue to be supporting me. She sometimes does the light touch on the back or head to help with emotions.

I went to a prayer time at church on Thursday, after therapy. My church has set up two prayer rooms for people to use during Lent. Last week they had also turned part of the sanctuary floor into a labyrinth. Anyway, this week was about praying/meditating on a specific passage or specific image. I tried the passages, but they were actually quite triggering (there were some suggested ones). Anyway, I decided to switch to looking at a picture so I grabbed this book that had a beautiful cover and was about hope. There were wonderful photographs in the book. I meditated on a picture of a young child sadly looking out a window covered in raindrops. When I walked away I came up with this new "safety" statement for myself: Hope is always there. You may not feel safe, but there is hope.

I don't know if any of that helps, but I wish you the best in your journey towards figuring out how to release these emotions.

 

[StarChild]

there have been many times I have wanted to cry but have stopped myself in one way or another.

Could you elaborate more, why you stopped yourself or blocked yourself from crying? What was / is it, that hinders you?

I was able to verbalize that I needed to cry at the end of our session yesterday. All this being said, my question is, are there things your therapist says or does that allow you to feel safe enough to express your emotions and let go?

...Okay, by reading this a second and a third time, my questions to you @HollyBeans27 would be: Does it have to be a cry in her office / in her presence? Is there some kind of (unconscious / hidden) expectation you have towards her; Such as to fulfil / perform a comforter role towards you? Or why would a good cry at your own place / home not be the same, as to cry during a session with her? Because the release of your emotions would be the same... So why do you lay such pressure on you to be able to cry in front of your therapist? As you wrote clearly:

Having a good, hard cry would relieve some pressure I'm sure, but I am not sure how to ask for/get what I need.

What is it that you need / expect to get from her? I do sense kind of an expectation from your side. Would you want her to comfort you as if she would be your mother?

You don't have to verbally answer me. But maybe to contemplate about these questions would be worth a try? And know, that you won't be judged. I just want to better understand your feelings and needs.

 

[ButterflyBean]

@TreeHugger I don't feel comfortable answering your questions individually because I feel they address personal issues, but I will say that I suffer from abandonment issues. I have difficulty trusting people and feeling safe expressing my emotions because I was always told that I couldn't. Thank you for taking the time to respond, and I will consider your questions for future discussion topics in therapy. The goal of this post was to find out how other people feel safe with their therapists

 

[Born to Run]

I had EMDR today and a double session next week. I really want to release some feelings next week because I am at my breaking point. Having a good, hard cry would relieve some pressure I'm sure, but I am not sure how to ask for/get what I need.

If you would like to share, how did the session go? Could you find a way to feel safe enough to release pressure? I hope you could. Take care.