Black And White Thinking

[shimmerz]

When I hit on a touchy subject, one that I haven't work through entirely, I find myself (no, actually, it is pointed out to me by the generous posters on this board) that it is black/white thinking. I used to do it more (it used to set the frame for my life (she's bad, he's good - I must die/I must be happy - I am good/I am horrible etc etc), but as I heal I find that there is much more 'greyness' in my thought patterns. Except when there isn't. I don't usually catch it, you guys do. When it is pointed out to me, I know I have some serious work to do.

I feel like my black/white stuff is about feeling trapped. I can't see any other answer somehow unless it is pointed out to me ... then I go 'Duhhhhh! Why didn't I see that!' It feels like it is a cognitive thing. Like, if various options are presented to me then I am open to them and can sort them out or at least expand into something besides black/white.

Have any of you worked on B/W? If so, what strategies did you use? Do you generally need someone to point out the error of your thinking patterns? Any other thoughts?

 

[ms spock]

I have black and white thinking and it has been pointed out to me. I also have the other 9 distorted cognitions from the David Burns book "Feeling Good". It has some good strategies for unpacking this type of distorted cognitions.

 

[Senecia]

I know it all too well. I have a "negative thinking traps" list next to my mirror to remind me to get out of that B/W.
In college when I really started to crumble, my work wasnt getting as done as it should have been. I wasn't doing as well as the others, and I kept thinking that, well, if I don't have the work, why even show up? Or I would think it's too late, and never start on an assignment. My fiancé loves to remind me that a 50% always averages better than a 0. It helped more than anything I told myself... I could never catch it. Only he and my T point it out.

 

[illusionist]

I used to do black and white thinking, but stepped back and realised that I was only doing it when it came to myself. I could see that when it came to my kids it somehow didn't happen....or with other people I could plainly see their black and white thinking. I realised that If I was capable of thinking normally for others, I must be able to do it for myself. So I would start thinking that I was thinking for someone else...took a long time to get to where it came natural to me to think for myself, so to speak, but it worked. It took a lot of STOP moments, where I would have to force the black and white thinking out my head and replace it with normal.

I think making myself aware that I was thinking that way was the biggest hurdle...and to stop it before the emotions of the black thinking set in heavily.

 

[Sandstone]

I think making myself aware that I was thinking that way was the biggest hurdle...and to stop it before the emotions of the black thinking set in heavily.

Can you say more about how you did those two things?

I seem to fluctuate between back and white and 500 shades of grey thinking. Often I can see so many alternatives that I'm frozen into indecision. I think both options are (probably) bad and are opposite sides of a coin

 

[illusionist]

I continually questioned my thinking basically...made myself aware of my thoughts....instead of just letting them flow into the total negativity or total positivity, I learned to stop it at first instance.

So.....Say for instance a job interview is coming up. My mind would automatically think " you won't get it" if I allowed that thought to stick, the negativity would spiral very quickly. I would shout STOP the second I had my very first thought and replace it with something logical like " let's try my best"...replacing it with a question for instance " well why can't I get it?" would only spiral me into all sorts of questions which was useless. Saying let's try my best made me focus on doing positive things to give myself a better chance....I would then do positive things such as reading up on the company, getting a haircut to keep the thought going.

I will say though, when I'm in the depth of my symptoms it is very hard to do.

 

[scout86]

Have any of you worked on B/W? If so, what strategies did you use? Do you generally need someone to point out the error of your thinking patterns? Any other thoughts?

I look at it as a cognitive thing too.

Since it was first pointed out to me as a "blue/not blue" thing, I decided the way to deal with it was to look for "colors" and to learn to attach names to colors because that what makes them something other than "not blue". And during all this, I learned that there are some groups that can actually detect colors that the average person can't, apparently because they have NAMES for them. So I guess my T is right, "words matter".

Anyway, now and then it helps to have someone who knows what's going on point out the fact that I missed something (again). I'm sure that could be done in ways that are annoying, but, in general, I'll accept the help. The other thing I've done, is turned it into a game or contest with myself to come up with "How many other ways I can find to look at this?" And I make a point of doing that a LOT with a lot of small as well as big, things. Because I kind of think of it as a habit and to overcome a habit you don't want, you need to create a different habit that you DO want. I seriously come up with ideas to "practice" on while I'm doing things like driving down the road. "That idiot just cut me off!" "Yes, and what other possibilities are there beside the person being an idiot?" "What other reactions could you have besides wanting to choke them?" I don't feel compelled to be reasonable. They might, after all, have cut me off because they were too busy looking at a vision of the after life to notice I was there. :D

And, I can definitely see where it's possible to have a problem going to the other extreme. In that case, you have a different challenge and need a different solution. Could be a kind of similar solution though. "Fine, there are a billion possibilities. What's actually relevant?" It all comes down to a way of thinking and we can learn to adjust that. Not over night, not without effort, but I think it's possible. The first step is noticing what's going on in your head and learning to accurately compare that to what's going on in the rest of the world.

 

[shimmerz]

I actually attach to the blue/not blue and assigning different colours more Scout. Thank you for this. I like the idea of labels and language that you put forth. I wonder if I looked for a 'Chocolate Vanilla' option rather than white if that would be a good start? Then I work my way into the 'Precious Pink' hues. :laugh:

 

[scout86]

@shimmerz , that's actually kind of the way I ask myself the question. Although, rather than looking for something like "Chocolate Vanilla", personally, I look around and ask "What else is here that I haven't noticed yet? Oh, what's THAT?" and then come up with a name. WOW! There are LOTS of ways to do even THIS! (And yes, I just now noticed that. LOL)

 

[holdenmonty]

I use to/still do tend to use a lot of black and white thinking but one day I in therapy realized that my black and white thinking especially when it came to myself was only destroying me and making everything worse. I still have a tough time with the gray. It's not easy but is a slow work in progress. I tend to say that I'm learning to embrace the gray. I have gotten a lot better with embracing the gray when it comes to my view of myself and my family but black and white thinking kept me alive and safe so it's gonna take a lot of work but I think I will always have some black and white thinking.

 

[Friday]

Ha! I love the blue/not blue thing :D @scout. That's awesome.

 

[jaccat]

My trouble is not so much recognising the thinking, but being compassionate to myself when I do. I've a nasty habit of calling myself out on such things in a way that is as destructive as the thought was in the first place. I'm still working on being conpassionate with myself.