Bad Night

[Leah Morgan]

I'm a self harmer of old. Last night I had awful emotional flash backs. I got drunk drove my car really stupid but wanted to get home. I got home and felt so alone. My family are all away as are my friends. I tried to unsuccessfully to end it I even went up the road and not across the street I got down to the fat layer but couldn't find the artery yet another thing I messed up. I wish I was not alone. That the flash backs and nightmares would go away and that I could be happy again. I am now going to have to avoid loved ones and cover up so as to not upset anyone. I'm such a fool

 

[hodge]

Oh, Leah, it sounds like a very bad night, indeed. I'm glad you didn't find the artery. You are not alone here. And you are not a fool. You have PTSD, which is very difficult to deal with. I also have so much trouble dealing with the flashbacks and nightmares. Are you in therapy? Have you tried Prazosin for the nightmares?

 

[Fadeaway]

My meds are kicking in so I don't have the capacity for words to truly express how I feel about your post so I'll send you this:hug:.

 

[Leah Morgan]

I'm not in therapy the primary and secondary mental health team can't decide who is responsible for me I'm in limbo now just drugged to the eye balls. If its secondary phase I have to wait 18months

 

[digger]

Sorry things are so rough for you right now. Your last few posts have sounded worryingly like they come from a place of crisis and that you need much more support than you're getting.

If its secondary phase I have to wait 18months

Are there any other options available to you in the meantime? Have you approached any charities, or is seeing someone privately an option for you? I know you shouldn't have to, but it sounds like you need help from someone now rather than eighteen months down the line.
If you've harmed yourself as badly as it sounds like you have and are endangering yourself and others drunk driving, I would seriously be considering taking myself to A+E now I think.

 

[hodge]

Oh, I'm so sorry. The UK does not seem to have a good system for mental health care. I think Digger has some good suggestions for you, since also in the UK. Please try to find some help. And please don't drink on top of all your meds.

 

[Whisperer Wind]

I'm thinking of you and hoping you feel some relief from the pain. The guilt we put on ourselves is the worst part. I'm glad you were unsuccessful. That is a permanent decision a decision with no hope. I wish I could give you a real big hug. We are here for you my friend.

 

[Leah Morgan]

Sorry things are so rough for you right now. Your last few posts have sounded worryingly like they come f...

I tried the nric rape and incest charity but they have a huge waiting list

 

[Deleted member 29920]

The uk mental health nhs sucks, is there anyone else who can help you? I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this alone, what about a community psychiatric nurse or a&e? :hug: if not, we are here for you, will listen and help if we can, a lot of great people on here :hug:

 

[digger]

what about a community psychiatric nurse or a&e?

If you think you are going to struggle to get through the rest of the weekend without support and without harming yourself, then contacting out of hours doc or A+E may be your best option for immediate help. I'm not too sure of your situation but it sounds like you've already been referred to a psych team? Do they have number for if you are in crisis?
NHS can really suck - it sounds like you might be in a similar position I was in, waiting for therapy, but then getting refused help from my GP in the waiting period because they had referred me on and so I wasn't their problem! I ended up going the private route because waiting without help any longer would have ended up with me either dead or needing to be sectioned - I appreciate that I was lucky to be in the position where arranging my own therapy was an option for me and that that isn't an option that everyone can access.
I wonder if it would be worth you speaking to someone at MIND and asking if they have any suggestions for how to access more immediate care in your area? http://www.mind.org.uk/

 

[Leah Morgan]

I am currently lying on the bathroom floor my stomach is very upset and I'm passing blood. I think it's probably anxiety related. I'm going to sleep on the bathroom floor for a while I have my pillow here. I will call the out of hours go if I get desperate again. But for now I think I just need to rest I got no sleep last night due to a terrible thunderstorms which scared me half to death. Thank you for all your support you guys really help see the woods through the trees. I will take advice and call out of hours if I feel bad again. Night night or afternoon afternoon. I hope you will forgive me for not commenting on posts but I will try later.

 

[ButterflyBean]

I don't want to scare you, but passing blood means your body is shutting down. You need to go to A&E immediately! I'm also sorry you are feeling so bad! I hope yous immediately! I'm also sorry you were feeling so bad! I hope you are safe, lots of hugs!