Narcism?

[iwannadeletethis]

how do I know if I'm a narsastist? I talk a lot about my issues because they're overwhelming. But I will also over diagnose myself. Help?

 

[scout86]

The first sign that you're probably not a narcissist, is if you're worried you might be one.

 

[Justmehere]

Narcissists are not just self focused it excessively focused on their own issues. They are cocky, they have a lot of self admiration, they see it as it must be their way or, well there really is no other way because they don't think of others and have little empathy. Narcissists would diagnose themselves as perfect.

It believed that narcissists actually are extremely insecure people, but they are the last to realize they might have a problem. They almost never go to therapy. They think everyone else needs therapy. Not them.

If you tend to over diagnose yourself with various medical and mental health symptoms, that might be a sign of other end of the spectrum: seeing yourself as overly broken.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Huh. @Justmehere .. Would that just bring me back to narsiscm though? Maybe I'm paranoid. I feel like I can think like you just described. But I also over check myself. But I think too deeply. I would love therapy, but I can afford it.

 

[scout86]

There's a big difference between being self involved and being a true narcissist. There's a difference between being self confident and being a narcissist too. Narcissists aren't just a little annoying. It's an actual pathology. They rarely seek therapy, because they don't think they need it. They can be very charismatic and charming. If they DO do therapy, they will try to convince the therapist that they are the super star they think they are. Or the victim they think they are, in some cases. They aren't going to listen and learn like most people. The main thing is, they don't WORRY about being narcissists. The fact that you're worried about it pretty much guarantees that you're not.

 

[Friday]

1) Don't diagnose yourself. With anything. Ever.

2) Everyone has narcissistic traits.... Aaaaand every single other disorder in the DSM. What makes a thing pathological, an actual disorder, is a combination of both the entire constellation of symptoms and the severity.

- Self confidence.
- Desire for admiration
- Lacking empathy

Are just 3 narcissistic traits that most of us probably possess or want to possess. Being self confident, or working towards self confidence doesn't make one have NPD. Wanting to be admired, whether it's 1:1 with a spouse admiring you, or 1:XYZ with your employees respecting you, or your superiors, et . Whatever the scale, most people don't want to be despised or disrespected by either the people we care about most, or those who depend on us, or those we look up to, etc. <chuckling> I added that last one because it could so easily be seen as a bad thing, instead of a neutral or necessary thing. Do you want your surgeon rolling around on the ground screaming in pain & horror when they're trying to save your life? Nope. Professional distance is a necessary thing in order to help people. Same token, a lack of empathy is what allows us to make laws, to decide that ABC is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. To be fair and just laws, we do need empathy. There's a balance.

It's that balance that keeps things from being pathological. The imbalance is what may send things into the disorder realm. Where it lands in the disorder realm depends on severity, duration, and associated symptoms.

Imbalance happens for a lot of reasons. Some are totally justifiable (someone with the stomach flu is going to be incredibly selfish & self focused, and that's as it should be!), others are expected but not justifiable. PTSD tends to make one very selfish & self centered. Explains things, but doesn't justify them. I need to take steps to make sure that taking care of myself isn't hurting those around me. Others are neither explainable or justified. The wedding is about the bride and groom, not about the 3rd cousin who is standing on the table shouting at people to stop ignoring them ;)

 

[iwannadeletethis]

@scout86 i could see that. I attract narcissists so hard core. Thanks for the input!! I appreciate the help!!

@FridayJones thanks so much for your input!! I think I got a little paranoid. I attract narsasistic personalities.. And I can be overly empathetic.

 

[Saint Nik]

@Skitzii I hope this helps. I was brought up with a narcissistic mother. I became worried I was going to turn out like her. When I had my traumatic event and soon after that, I was diagnosed with PTSD. Soon I was in therapy and I asked my therapist can this actually be narcissism because I keep talking about myself all the time, how I feel, my symptoms and don't seem to pay much attention to anyone else and felt it was selfish of me! She said " Narcissism is very difficult to diagnose, because narcissistic people do not know they are narcissistic, they just think or believe they are very special and the whole world is selfish towards them - if things do not go the way they would like - and they struggle to maintain relationships!" She pointed out I can have healthy relationships (not just with partners, with friends and family too!)
So, that made me realise that I wasn't narcissistic. . .but the new worry came - I started to worry I was a hypochondriac, as I was never away from doctor's and hospitals. I always felt they misdiagnosed me and just refused to believe anxiety and panic could put me in so much pain!
So, to answer your question, I think PTSD and anxiety are disorders that just make us question ourselves and bring so much doubt - that isn't narcissism. Also, it isn't even hypochondria - as that is a disorder of enjoying medical attention and making up illnesses to get it. I would rather be symptom free and start living my life than surviving it.

It's tough what we're going through, eh? I hope you find peace :hug:

 

[iwannadeletethis]

@Saint Nik how would you say that's effected friendships and romantic relationships? If you don't mind me asking. Your experience sounds very similar to mine.

 

[Saint Nik]

@Skitzii Depends on how far back you are asking. Before the trauma or after? When my mum died? Before my mum's death? But if you are talking about now, then yeah. . all my relationships have been greatly affected with both sexes - friends and partners! I would say they have been affected a great deal and I know it's down to my past and part of the trauma!
I think the only problem with me is I have this ability to care, show empathy and am probably too forgiven at times and narcissists seek my type out because they love to drain the hell out of me because I wont kick up a fuss about it.

Within this year though, I am becoming increasingly aware of watching out for certain types of people, especially narcissists, I can spot them a mile away, thought it worries me, because I always think with that saying, - " what you see in others you hate is what you are denying in yourself."
I don't know if this is true. I would hate to be a narcissistic; a selfish person who would trample on people's feelings without a care at all.
I've found a few relationships in my circle have became stronger and closer purely with being as honest as I can be, no holding back from the ugly truth any more! I now set this new standard for myself. I will only let someone treat me the way I feel is good for both of us, that it's working for both of us and when it doesn't, and they treat me like shit, lie, cheat, make me worry for no reason, or even make me question myself, hurt me, disrespect me in any way, I show them them that isn't acceptable, by walking away and staying away. . .sadly that has been a lot of people in my life over the years!
:tdown:

 

[sun seeker]

And I can be overly empathetic.

Again, a guarantee that the answer is a firm NO. Narcissists are very low on the scale of empathy.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

@Saint Nik I don't believe in that saying at all! I could hate what a serial killer does and never hurt a fly.
I've had to detach myself from tons of people too. That's why I asked. It's hard out there for the empathetic.