When To Push Yourself And When To Back Off

[LF1]

Hi All. I’m wondering if any of you have any thoughts on how to decide when you should push yourself through something difficult and when it’s appropriate to give yourself a break.

Even by my lowly standards, I haven’t been functioning very well for the last 12 months or so. I’ve started to get my feet back under me in the last month or two (though it’s been very gradual and it’s not overly solid). I still have a bunch of things I need to take steps to work on but I also have a commitment coming up that I’ve been freaking out about. Recently, I’ve worked out that I can get out of it, at least temporarily as I’d have to do it again in about 4-5 months time, but there aren’t any major consequences for putting it off now.

I really, really want to put it off - my stress levels dropped ridiculously as soon as I realised I could but I also feel really guilty about that. I feel like it’s the lazy option, the easy option, that I should be able to make myself do it now, that I should demand more of myself etc. If I push myself though, I just don’t think it’s going to end well. My symptoms have been spiking just thinking about it. I know it’s something I should do and have to do going forward, but to do it now feels like going from 0-100 in one step.

I feel like I’m trying to rationalise putting off the commitment and I can. I mean, I can come up with a lot of reasons for why it’s probably a good decision for where I’m at right now. Yet still, I can’t shake the guilty feeling. I don’t want to do it and I know I don’t want to do it, so how can I trust that I’d be making the decision not to do it for good reasons? What if I’m just giving myself an out because it’s easier now? I don’t know, I feel like a terrible decision maker on the best of days. Any advice on how to navigate decisions around how hard to push yourself?

 

[joeylittle]

What are the consequences for pulling out of it later - as in, could you start trying to ready yourself for it, with the caveat that if you aren't ready you just aren't ready, and you'll defer?

Or: if you decide to do it later, how do you motivate starting to get ready for it now, so you have a nice long period to prepare at your own pace?

(I ask myself these questions, to figure out if I'm avoiding/procrastinating out of fear, or if I'm actually making a productive decision about my workload)

 

[The Albatross]

I think that I'd pause to consider that procrastination has become a behavior. Kinda what you're describing is the Procrastination Doom Loop - That is what "putting things off" really is right? You're stress levels drop because you consciously decide to procrastinate?

"In the last few years, however, scientists have begun to think that procrastination might have less to do with time than emotion. Procrastination "really has nothing to do with time-management,” Joseph Ferrari, a professor of psychology at DePaul University, told Psychological Science. “To tell the chronic procrastinator to just do it would be like saying to a clinically depressed person, cheer up.”

Instead, Ferrari and others think procrastination happens for two basic reasons: (1) We delay action because we feel like we're in the wrong mood to complete a task, and (2) We assume that our mood will change in the near future. See if you recognize any of these excuses...

• If I take a nap now, I’ll have more focus later.
• If I eat this cake now, that’ll be my cheat for the month, and I’ll have more willpower.
• If I send a few Tweets now, my fingers will be used to typing sentences, which will make this article easier to write.
• If I watch TV now, I’ll feel relaxed and more likely to call the doctor’s office tomorrow morning.

This approach isn’t merely self-defeating. It also creates a procrastination doom loop. Putting off an important task makes us feel anxious, guilty, and even ashamed, Eric Jaffe wrote. Anxiety, guilt, and shame make us less likely to have the emotional and cognitive energy to be productive. That makes us even less likely to begin the task, in the first place. Which makes us feel guilty. Which makes us less productive. And around we go."
Article The Procrastination Doom Loop and How to Break It (delaying hard work is all about your mood) by Derek Thompson Aug 2014 (in case the link disappears) link:http://www.theatlantic.com/business...crastination-loop-and-how-to-break-it/379142/


Sounds to me like you've been making decisions... and the decisions you've have become a habit/behavior. How 'bout doing a goal/challenge starting with small manageable things to break the procrastination habit and get you some confidence and test your management tools?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I’m wondering if any of you have any thoughts on how to decide when you should push yourself through something difficult and when it’s appropriate to give yourself a break.

This is also very hard for me; I want to push myself and evern harder if I cant quite get something or do something or get to where I want to be.

To answer that in my world, its when Im overwhlemed, my body tells me when its too much mentally by an insane amount of physical stuff but even without that, if you feel very overwhelmed then its time to back off and give yourself a break.

Oh the flip side, if you have gained momentem and not overwhlemed and can push through, do so.

Its a marathon, not a sprint and as long as you are moving fowarding, even slowly crawling, then it progress. If you are stuck, as long as you are take steps to unstick yourself, its progress.

Dont be so hard on yourself. I know thats hard, or it is for me, but its ok to back off something if its mentally and/or physically too much! :hug:

Edited to add: Ive learned to make small, achiveable goals for myself; not huge unachieveable ones and I mentally or physically celebrate when i hit a goal and then make another, hit it, make another!

 

[LF1]

What are the consequences for pulling out of it later

I can pull out any time in the next few weeks without consequence, beyond that if I pull out I would likely be excluded from continuing my uni course (at least for the next 12 months) as you can't fail 2 semesters in a row. I failed the one subject I was enrolled in last semester through non-attendance. If I look back I probably should have taken the semester off but I can't really justify this decision with that logic, as the circumstances were largely different. If I did pull out of the subject I'm worrying about I would still be studying 1 subject this semester, and if I put in the work I'm confident I'd pass it. I'm studying mainly for interest and because it was a step back into the world and away from isolation, so there's no "major" consequence if I was excluded, other than that I would like to make steps forward not backwards, and I would like to keep studying.

If I don't pull out than I'd have to pass both subjects. The problem I have with the second subject is in a few weeks I'd have to attend and participate in a 60-70 minute negotiation in front of the class with a couple of other students (and it's worth 40% of the grade). Now considering I've hardly left my apartment and hardly had a conversation beyond "hello" and "thank you" in months, I just don't see that going well. If I'm honest, I doubt I'd actually turn up to it - I know I couldn't if it was tomorrow. It's my fault for isolating and not getting myself prepared but this is where I am.

how do you motivate starting to get ready for it now

How 'bout doing a goal/challenge starting with small manageable things to break the procrastination

Whether I try and continue with it now or whether I put it off to do again in a few months, I've already made an appointment with a doctor for this week to try and organise some support around everything - life, coping, PTSD etc, not just specifically this - probably least specifically this if I'm honest.

I also need to make walking a non-negotiable part of my day. When things were going kind of ok, a walk along a river close to my place has been pretty important I think. At worst the exercise seems to keep the depression in check and it gets me out of my apartment so I don't get stuck (kind of like I am now). Plus it's probably the only place outside my little solitary apartment that I actually feel relatively safe and calm - though I suspect there may be some extra anxiety the first few times I go back to it.

Those things, are kind of more life-related steps rather than related to this specific challenge I guess but I still think they're relevant and helpful. In terms of this specific challenge, which more broadly is related to attendance, communication and participation requirements in the course, rather than just this specific subject - I could treat the one subject I'd still be doing as a test run of sorts. I do have an optional session I could attend in a few weeks (it's the same day as the negotiation would be so I couldn't do both). There'd be no assessment and no having to stand up in front of a bunch of people but I'd still have to work to make myself get there and be around people - communicate, participate to a smaller extent etc - it'd just be bit more low key than jumping into the deep end right now. I guess my problem with continuing to push myself to do this subject now is that I feel I have very little margin for error.

@TheAlbatross Thank you for all that information and much of what you write about is exactly what I fear and question whether I'm doing. The idea that procrastination has much less to do with time than it does emotion largely rings true to me. I've "umm-ed and ahh-ed" about including this because part of me wonders if I'm still looking for an excuse to be ok with dropping this commitment for now... and as I haven't really started action on this yet it's really only words but I wonder if more time would be helpful here. Now granted, no time will be enough time (especially if I choose to do nothing) but if I want to do do exposure exercises to help get from "hardly leaving the apartment and not talking to anyone" to "going and speaking for 60-70mins in front of people" less than 3 weeks seems very quick... grrr, I don't know.

Sorry that's so long. I'm trying to look at this and your questions and thoughts objectively and not just to try and justify what I know I want to do because it feels easier etc, not sure if I'm succeeding.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@joeylittle i love live love those questions! I dont tend to procrastinate, I tend to try to do too much but when depressed I do so those are awesome questions Im gonna start asking myself!

@The Albatross that aticle is awesome! And thats very true! How much I learn from others here is amazing! Proscrstination is def done by me when depressed or my mental state just cant seem to handle it.

What I do is just push past it and tell myself "I can rest when its done", push myself to do it and give myself the rest after...or my body forces me due to pain. But thats how I conquer depression procrastination.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

When things were going kind of ok, a walk along a river close to my place has been pretty important I think.

I think so too and I think it may be more inportant than you realize.

Im also self isolated and the more I isolate, the more depressed I get and the higher my anxiety goes. Thats the very reason I said absolutely not about working from home, my job is the only non-isolating thing I do and its rather important.

I think the more you get yourself out of the house, push past the fear and anxiety, I know thats hard but the more you do it the lesser depressed you will feel and the lesser scary the getting up in front of people will become.

Try to go to a small park if you can, try to say hi to a few people. Ease your way into getting exposure to people and in a few months it wont be as bad.

And i like the trial one, the one that isnt so bad. Sort of like prepares you and helps you for the real thing.

Good luck hun, I understand, I also have a massive fear of people and speaking in front of them, i just wouldnt be able to unless i did so exposure stuff first. :hug: to ya if you except!

 

[LF1]

in my world, its when Im overwhlemed

I'm not feeling so overwhelmed now but it's hard to tell whether that's because I broke down and let some of it out, or whether I found a way around if I want it (even temporarily) something I've been worrying about.

I don't normally do emotions but last night I totally broke down, the upshot though was that it scared me enough that I made a doctors appointment to try and... I don't even know what... maybe get some support to deal with some things... I don't know exactly, but I've got a few days to get a bit clearer on that and work out how to explain things. I can just feel myself slipping further and I need to stop it. It really shouldn't be this uni thing that's tipped me over the edge - but maybe it's that stress cup theory I've seen somewhere on here (I should probably go find and read about that again).

Thanks for the hugs, a real life hug would scare the hell out me about now (and anytime if I'm honest), but virtual seems ok.

 

[glass half full]

I think that I'd pause to consider that procrastination has become a behavior. Kinda what you're d...

WOW! I see myself all over that excerpt and I'm not a sufferer- well, not of PTSD anyway. Frankly, I never feel better after procrastinating even though I think I will. That doom- loop description is on the money. And to think I almost didnt read this thread. Thank you Albatross!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

but maybe it's that stress cup theory I've seen somewhere on here (I should probably go find and read about that again).

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/

 

[Sandstone]

To me, it is about the allocation of scarce resources. If you do this, will you be unable to do other things? Which will add most to your recovery?

 

[Friday]

For myself... When to push and when to pause... Are a bit of an art form.

One of my tricks there is to look at the "worst case". (Plan for the worst, hope for the best). It's the whole "one of us always lies, and one of us always tells the truth" riddle. When I can't figure out where I'm coming from? If I'm f*cking off and being lazy, or if I'm noticing the early warning signs of slipping sideways? Look at the consequences of being wrong.

Worst Case (motivation) : You're totally f*cking off. There is absolutely no need to take the quarter off, you're just being lazy. All you're doing is procrastinating. What are the consequences of that? 4 months behind.

Worst Case (results) : You were dead right that this was too much for you (not lazy, f*cking off, or procrastinating), but went ahead and did it anyway and failed 1 or both classes. What are the consequences of that? 12 months behind.

So worst case scenarios (you take the time off, when you don't really need to... Or don't take the time off when you do) = 4 months vs 12 months. That's a no-brainer. Take the time off now

(To be continued.)

Just to be super clear here, though, I'm not telling you to take the semester off. Just that this is PART of the tricks I use to check myself when I can't trust my own judgment.