Recent content by Paranoid-BedBug

Could you explain your experience of a hangover from deep numbing? I'm not sure I know if I've had the same experience.

You work on it in tiny steps. It doesn't matter what kind of intimacy we're discussing. If it's too much, take a step back. Go to a lesser step. Keep stepping back until it's no big deal. For example: sex. Want to get there? Can't? Feeling all the bad feelings? Step back. Grope in the...

I'd assume anyone scoffing at another person's life experiences and judging their trauma as being 'not bad enough' is dealing with resentment at not being taken seriously for their own experiences. This isn't the Trauma Olympics. We don't get medals or certificates for suffering 'enough' to...

I haven't kept a diary in decades. When I kept one as a child, my mother would find it, read it, rip out pages, and punish me for what I said. She was an incredibly skilled pathological liar. And she told such vivid stories. I didn't realize her process until I was an adult. She would...

I deeply appreciate this perspective. I've been feeling shamed for my distrust of certain demographics, particularly cis-men, therapists, doctors, religious practitioners, dogs, and police. My last therapist said my paranoia was irrational, and suggested I have scizo-affective disorder...

I'm not doing well... which is nothing new. I'm an introvert. People drain me of energy, thanks to hypervigilance. But I'm very charismatic in person and a good conversationalist. I like talking to people and can form friendships fairly easily. I'm a respectful and successful flirt and am...

I'm in my 40's. I've been no contact with both parents and all blood relatives, except for one sister, for about a decade. It was a very good decision and I wish I'd done it sooner.

I can't get high. I think my dopamine system is utterly broken, thanks to childhood abuse and anhedonia in general. Is it genetic? I have no frame of reference. I get no pain relief with narcotics, thankfully, because I'd probably be an addict if I could. I get sharp, painful emotional...

Thanks to CSA, my sexuality was awakened very early. I had no access to the internet or tv. I had access to a public library once a month and a few movies. I developed a taste for a very uncommon 'type' of person. Fortunately for me, they are rare, but when I do meet one with a compatible...

I've got CPTSD from CSA from parents and their 'friends' starting with my mother at infancy. Father was a doctor. Mother had a masters in child psychology. She worked as a psycho-social rehab specialist with sex offenders in prison. (The irony is not lost on me.) My mother triangulated with the...

Oh I'm at the 'why do I bother?!' point in my life. I'm struggling not to sink back into it for another major depressive episode. Last time I went into a depressive episode, my muscles atrophied so I made 'crunching' noises in my muscles when I walked, I needed five root canals, 12 new...

Ugh. I'm so happy that ketamine works for some people. I tried the infusions when they first came out, and it was very unpleasant and exhausting. I assume it's a genetic issue on my end, and some people get that magical relief and others don't. Which is how most psych treatments work, so I've...

Yeah, I've gotten this from doctors. My father was one of those assholes. He loved to shit-talk patients for being 'illegals looking for handouts' and 'bimbos bitching for drugs' and 'junkies milking the system' And so on and so forth. There are unkind assholes in every profession. It's easy...

I have a lot of trauma around therapists and doctors. My father was a doctor who lost his medical license for sexually assaulting nurses and performing elective surgery on patients there for unrelated surgery. My mother was a child psychologist who worked with sex offenders in prison. They...

I'm a cis-woman in my mid 40s. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD, depression, DID, anxiety, anhedonia, and whatever label felt right at the time. I try to get therapy or medical treatment for my symptoms every few years, but I'm so triggered by the medical community that I drop out very quickly...