How do you cope with intimacy when you don’t want to be intimate?

[LucyLou]

How do you deal with intimacy in a relationship, when it's literally the last thing you'd like. I honestly couldn't think of anything worse. I know it's an important part of a relationship, so I kind of want to work on it. Just don't know how

 

[parrotthepolly]

Do you mean emotional, physical or sexual intimacy? No the last two are not the same despite a few common similarities.

Any kind can be tied to trust in my opinion so unless you keep your guard down a little, it doesn't feel comfortable at all.

 

[Paranoid-BedBug]

You work on it in tiny steps.

It doesn't matter what kind of intimacy we're discussing.

If it's too much, take a step back. Go to a lesser step. Keep stepping back until it's no big deal.

For example: sex.

Want to get there? Can't? Feeling all the bad feelings?

Step back.

Grope in the shower.

No?

Step back.

Kissing? Massage? Holding hands? Watching a movie together?

If you can't do anything physical, then definitely build your emotional intimacy.

Talk about deep subjects with them, build up trust, if they are capable and trustworthy.

Give a little more trust, a little more intimacy as you feel is safe and comfortable.

Some of us can't make it to certain activities anymore, due to trauma, and that's OK.

Find a partner so just wants to be with you, as a person, not as a supply. If they truly want intimacy with you, they'll take what you can give them and cherish it.

If they push or whine, they aren't worthy.

Don't measure your success by their failure to achieve intimacy. They might not be willing or capable, and that's no fault of yours.