unbearable loneliness from toxic parenting

I feel hopeless in life. I keep thinking things will become better but they don’t really. I don’t like being an adult at all. I feel like I was never given the tools to be successful. I am almost 24.

I still live with my parents (mother and father) because I can’t afford to move out. They are too involved in my life. I’ve never felt that I’m able to be my own person. Yet, they don’t understand me that well either. I have major depression, social anxiety, and PTSD. Mostly from their physical and emotional abuse. Around them, I tend to feel uncontrollably angry, unsure of myself, and anxious. I don’t think this is a part of who I am but rather because they make me so frustrated. They have really low empathy and can be ignorant to a lot of things, using me to get by. They’re too reliant on me for their happiness and barely have lives of their own. It is suffocating. My stress levels are high when I’m usually a calm person. I just want to be independent but I can’t separate myself from them. I don’t even know what my personality is anymore. It would be nice if I could have a conversation without it ending up being dismissive and traumatizing. I have moved around some. In the area where I currently live, there is barely anything to do and also barely any people my age. It is very isolating. I’ve tried to attend events such as music shows and holiday celebrations but people don’t interact with each other much here. Therefore, it’s nearly impossible to make friends. I will mostly be at cafes and parks for socializing but I am alone a lot of the time. Currently I do remote freelance writing.

They keep criticizing me for not going out and doing much when they chose to move here. I am struggling with finding employment, a lack of meaningful relationships, and continuing to live. But they just ignore this. It is lonely going through life having a family who doesn’t care about your emotions and never changes.

I don’t know how to get out of this. It is a very difficult situation. I haven’t been happy in a really long time. My birthday is tomorrow and I think what’s the point of celebrating? I don’t have anyone to celebrate with. All the friends I have live in different states or were from the internet and are no longer active on their accounts. I try to take it day by day but everything feels so pointless. My house is more of a prison than a home. I want warmth and shelter, and people to go on adventures with. It appears that is out of reach and not meant for me.

midnightlightlooks said:

It is lonely going through life having a family who doesn’t care about your emotions and never changes.

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It really is
It takes a lot of energy and head space navigating that. it doesn't leave much space for other things.
And that creates a catchtwentytwo situation.

Whilst it feels helpless at the moment, it can change.

I always found sport a good place to make friends. Is there a sporting activity you might be interested in that would help? Or some other social thing?

If there was one area of your life you wanted to improve first what would it be? A plan to have a job, move out, beat the lonliness can be overwhelming , but a plan to improve one area may help with improving the other areas. Step by step.

Happy birthday for tomorrow.
My T once told me, as I would get panicked and worked up about my birthday every year and it would be a 'thing', was that "you are worth more than your parents treatment of you". And that helped me , not only in terms of reclaiming my birthday but in so many aspects of my life.

midnightlightlooks said:

I feel like I was never given the tools to be successful. I am almost 24.

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Neither was I, but I come from an amazing family.

You learn them, right quick, once you leave. But you DO HAVE TO LEAVE to learn skills, if they aren’t taught.

dive in, swim. Nope, not easy, but you are living the alternative, hows it goin?
It all sounds familiar and i am sure lots of people get it, you will be heard by empathetic ears here for sure.
Not to sound un sympathetic or un caring, i had to get out of my parents home and it was tough but it was 1976 and i was 14 so maybe i cant muster true empathy.
But yeah if you think you gotta get out you do, no doubt

Getting out is the only way I was able to break free and become my own person. My brother got out first and then helped arrange for me to board with a friend of his. Took a while to find my feet but I've found my people now. I left on my 21st birthday and also have difficulty celebrating me nowadays. I had to completely cut off all contact with my parents because they relied on me so much. I was a surrogate partner for them, so to speak.

If you have a friend interstate that you trust and that's willing to support you until you find a job and can start paying your way and finding your own place in their neighbourhood, take the leap. Gets worse before it gets better though especially if you weren't taught any life skills. Surrounding yourself with people who do care for you is the only way. Even if it means leaving with only the clothes on your back. So so hard.

Your desire to be better will make it happen for you. Sending loving kindness your way >>>