Complicated Situation - Looking for Advice

I might have finally found a therapist that would work with me. It took 3-4 years of searching and it is really important to me to get help. That therapist works in the same office as the child therapist of the daughter of my best friend (I didn't know that before making the appointment). They are like family to me. This alone would not be a big issue as I would not make appointments on the days she is there. Also my therapist has her office on another floor. However they obviously are collegues and talk to each other.
Now to the problem: That child therapist is very bad for her and puts her in danger. This would be a topic for me in therapy because it affects me heavily. I could talk about it without mentioning names so she doesn't know I talk about her collegue but this also feels wrong because I would hide something from her and would be dishonest about the current situation. If I tell her that the daughter of my friend sees that therapist I would not be able to talk about the issues that this therapist is causing, because she most problably would not want to talk in a negative way about a colleague.

There is also a chance that the daughter will stop the therapy, which I think would be good for her unless her therapist understands that she is actually putting her in danger.
It's a topic in itself, but not to get too vague: She is in her early teens, her brother is just a little bit older than her. Her brother is ignoring boundaries and he constantly devalues her. She hates him but from time to time she still wishes she had a good brother and wants to spend time with him. He touched her inappropriately some years ago. He also kicked her in the stomach so hard that she couldn't breathe for half an hour. He is not constantly physically violent but he is also lying and manipulative, feels no empathy or remorse etc. you get what I'm talking about now. Her therapist doesn't know everything but she heard enough to understand that he is dangerous for her but tells her mother and her that she should spend time with her brother and that her mother should also leave them alone home. It took me years to make my best friend understand that she can't leave her kids alone and this piece of shit therapist wants to put her into danger and thinks her mother is just overcautious. Stuff like that really gets to me, I see and want to prevent something but everyone else is blind. I mean I see it everywhere, not just related to me, people don't protect kids and then they act like nobody could have known what would happen.

I think if she stops the therapy I would tell my therapist about the situation but yes ... I know it isn't an ideal start. However I really need this to work out because I need therapy and can't wait another few years.

I can understand the dilemma.

I wonder if the following help any:
The thought that you think she won't want to speak negatively about a colleague - do you want to explore that? How is that true? Can the T hold space for your worries about that T and their experience of that T? Maybe your new T has the same worries about that T?

What is the reason you want therapy? I am assuming it is about yourself as opposed to what is happening in therapy for your friend's child. Maybe the T would focus exploring with you what you're holding about this child's experience and what it means for you, rather than oj the skill or otherwise of the other T?

Maybe a way to explore it, is to ask directly how would this T manage a conversation where you are raising worries about a colleagues practice? That isn't mentioning any names at all but opening up a conversation to see how they would respond?

This would have been my way of thinking 15-20 years ago but my experience is that there is an "esprit de corps" everywhere. This is why I fear talking about it.
I think what I'm missing right now is any form of safety as therapy didn't start yet, we have three probatory sessions left and then we both decide if it fits. I already talked about some bad experiences in my first two sessions and if there comes more and more in just the probationary sessions I think she might stop believing me or that it just is too much. I could explain everything and know that she would understand it but it just is too much, there isn't enough time to explain everything. In an ideal world I would think that a good therapist gives me the time and space, has knowledge of these issues etc. but I lost any trust I still had left over the years.
If there would be any chance of finding another therapist I would also be less worried about it. It just is a really stupid situation.

That is complicated. Trust is such a massive thing and not likely to be there in 3 more sessions. I think trust continues to be built, with so many layers and nuances to it. I know, for me, after 6 years I trust my T but there are moments when I don't or something triggers another layer where trust needs focus again.

Maybe then, it's not so much about whether you can trust her in these initial sessions about this particular issue, but more how important is that particular issue for you right now in determining if you can work with this therapist? I.e is this issue the primary reason you want therapy right now? If it is, then lots rides on it. But if it is more of a perhpiary issue, then maybe it can come up later when you have been able to build a relationship with them and know them better?

Calmdown said:

I would tell my therapist about the situation but yes ... I know it isn't an ideal start. However I really need this to work out because I need therapy and can't wait another few years.

Click to expand...

similar issues rose, again and again, in my personal therapy. i was consistently surprised at just how ideal that less than idyllic start was. in my own case, therapy sessions turned out to be an ideal place to begin working the issues out. emphasis on, "begin." the underlying issues turned out to be quite complex. works still in progress. . .

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you work out your own case.

side note
i have begun to wonder how often my "ideals" are personal prejudices in need of challenging.

I got very emotional when I wrote that post. Now I had some input and some time to reflect. The way how it affects me is 100% a topic for the therapy but it is not urgent as it is still early and not safe enough because therapy didn't officially start yet.
What I understand now is that this is also about boundaries. I suffered already so much because I helped my best friend over the years with so many things that also affected me in the end. Rightfully she doesn't follow that advice from the child therapist so it is not urgent in a sense that her daughter is in danger. Which means I don't have to act. It is her job to deal with it and only if her daughter would be put into danger I would have to do something.