Undiagnosed Dealing with traumas and grief

Hello everyone, I'm new here. For several months I've been struggling with my own traumas and the death of my beloved wife who was murdered. I think I suffer from PTSD and depression. I'm really isolated, I feel too much and then nothing. She was my everything. It sounds cliché but it's true. It's hard enough but I also have to deal with personal traumas (sexual assaults and violence). I try to hold on to life the best I can. I don't know how to do it. I just hold on from one day to the other. I feel kind of relieved to have found this community.

I am very sorry for your trauma loss and grief..

Welcome to the community - sorry that you have reason to have found your way here, and so sorry for your profound loss. Hopefully this place helps lift the isolation just a bit.

So sorry.

Hope this site helps a little.

Very sorry for your loss @Patricia , Welcome to the site.

hello patricia. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

in my own long and tedious recovery, peer support -both live and online- has proven to be my most effective tool for dealing with the yuckeries of the buckeries. pro services have been valuable, but the pros never leave the service center. it be my peers who are on the road with me. they are who i call when i am stranded on the roadside.

keep sharing. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here. welcome aboard.

Sideways said:

Welcome to the community - sorry that you have reason to have found your way here, and so sorry for your profound loss. Hopefully this place helps lift the isolation just a bitbit

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Hello Sideways, I hope it will. I feel the need to share safely with other people. I spent too much time alone with my pain.

arfie said:

hello patricia. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

in my own long and tedious recovery, peer support -both live and online- has proven to be my most effective tool for dealing with the yuckeries of the buckeries. pro services have been valuable, but the pros never leave the service center. it be my peers who are on the road with me. they are who i call when i am stranded on the roadside.

keep sharing. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here. welcome aboard.

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Hello Arfie, thanks for welcoming me. I heard that peer support is essential, I know that shrinks can't do much for me. As you said we are on the road together.

Patricia said:

I know that shrinks can't do much for me.

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i didn't mean to imply that. in my case, the pro and peer therapy went hand-in-hand. the pros were the heavy hitters while the peers held me steady and helped me translate the psychobabble to pragmatic usage.

I understand Arfie. I'm not ready for that I guess.

Yes Ariel is right. Pros - good ones- will journey with you as you discover why what happened to did. In my case dysfunctional family dynamics raised by conservative Christians never told I could say no. Bullied as a young child. Maternal aunt adopted 2 children whose parents had alcoholism and beat them then when her husband while in Vietnam in the air force had affair and sent her a dear John letter. She was plunged into poverty and abused the children she adopted..my mother was the enabler. After my critical illness in 2014 I had extensive medical care trauma recovery domestic violence treatment..Many providers medical and psychological spent much.time and treatment exploring why what happened to me happened..one provider said bluntly much later when I was having issues again - why did you allow again this chaos in your life? It took awhile but when I lose my boundaries Ability to say no etc I go back to me.I have situational vulnerabilities I.musy always keep in mind. Pro help is tough but for me it worked..my past history is codependency among other things. Domestic violence treatment was tough but very therapeutic. Life changing besides my illness in which I experienced cardiopulmonary arrest. Yes I was resuscitate
My first deceased husband had an online underage porn addiction..in 2018 I legally changed my last name from his to my paternal grandmother's maiden name..I gave up or sold everything he gave me. He left me a pension from the OPM so I kept it. Angry with me angry with him plus family of origion fir long time. My therapists in domestic violence treatment told me some of the social services whiched help me were available to my mother and aunt. No they did not get any. My cousins were discipline problems sent to Christian schools but problem was ACEs..Finally I got to the point of live to forgive. It is hard because I knew history did not have to repeat itself but it did.