Other Boundaries.

I have been using an app called I can say no. Of course my past involved codependency etc. So. This app is helping me a lot to zero in on priorities. And just tough boundaries setting.

I am going to look into that. Due to my childhood I am a terrible people pleaser. I have been working on it but it is all so foreign. I enjoy connection but I seem to lose myself. I often seem blunt or at least it feels that way when I say no. I have not found the sweet spot yet but I am working on my skills in the day no department.

I get that. Once that was me. Never saying no getting overwhelmed worn down physically mentally directly connected to my health crisis and cardiopulmonary arrest 2014. Then people blaming me for the recovery needed because I did not meet their expectations. Hum. I was not the problem. Doing what my health care providers said was exactly the right thing to do. I will say my illness and recovery was relationship ending. That was good. I have had therapy and psycho education into coercive control as well.

Thanks for sharing !

people pleasing is nowhere on my list of problems and i STILL find setting and maintaining boundaries hard to do. some things are just plain hard. this is one of them. i find that hard things are easier when i let them be just plain hard. with that radical acceptance in place, it becomes easier to ply therapy tools such as positive affirmations, etc.

congrats on having found a tool to help you through. steadying support while you master the technique.

I agree with you about radical acceptance. This occurred yesterday. My husband and I drive 1 1/2 hours for our dental appts. We live in a rural area. This is reality now. Before 0900 a lady in our town called my husband asking for hus help on April 1 volunteering at a food bank. Outcome of our appts. Mine went well. Cleaning and extraction. Husband found out he has advanced periodontal disease. More then me. I knew it would have been best to tell this lady I am nit available. I asked my husband if she has access to my phone number. He said no..I then said if she does contacts me I will block. Again in our lives a whole bunch of things need to be handled. Codependency was and still is one of my situational vulnerabilities. Payday was today. Purchases for needs food etc had to be done bills paid. I will keep working on my Nos

arfie said:

people pleasing is nowhere on my list of problems and i STILL find setting and maintaining boundaries hard to do. some things are just plain hard. this is one of them. i find that hard things are easier when i let them be just plain hard. with that radical acceptance in place, it becomes easier to ply therapy tools such as positive affirmations, etc.

congrats on having found a tool to help you through. steadying support while you master the technique.

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Arfie. Is it hard for you because people still try to push because you say no life is different etc? Could you elaborate on why you still have difficulties?

KA60 said:

Is it hard for you because people still try to push because you say no life is different etc?

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the very words i was looking for. thank you. even my dog and chickens push on a daily basis. the kids? hub-a-lub? the neighbors? often i even push my own boundaries. "ahhhh. . . what the hey? i'm gonna tell that co-worker what i REALLY think of her youthfully tinted hair." sigh. . . choose kindness. i really need to get that self-care chore done, but the couch feels so good. sigh again.

it helps me to treat boundaries like flowing rivers. they are always in motion. one current at a time.

Thank you for your comments..Right now I am needing hard boundaries..I don't have time for people's in public discourse about the state of the US nor their opinions..I have notebook of tasks to accomplish. I had to turn starlink into the NM atty general and FCC..among other things. The task list seems never ending. Since I am having trouble I am trying to work on me..