J
JG86
I’m looking for advice/support from partners of people with PTSD or trauma-related withdrawal patterns, because I’m struggling a bit emotionally and trying to understand what’s normal.
I’m in a relationship with a woman I love very deeply. She’s genuinely kind, funny, affectionate and emotionally intense, but she’s also been through some extremely traumatic experiences including serious abuse and a suicide attempt in the past. She’s currently on medication for sleep/mood and lately has been very exhausted, emotionally overwhelmed and sometimes numb or withdrawn.
The relationship itself has actually become very serious and loving. She tells me she loves me, calls me her boyfriend, has integrated into my life and my children’s lives, makes future plans with me, and generally when we’re together things feel incredibly natural and close. She’s also very affectionate in actions, not just words.
The difficult part is that when she becomes overwhelmed, she sometimes seems to shut down and withdraw from communication. Earlier this year there was a major withdrawal period where she disappeared for nearly two weeks and blocked me, before eventually coming back very emotionally connected and explaining she had basically withdrawn from the world. Since then things have actually become even closer between us, but recently she’s gone quiet again and blocked me once more after seeming very exhausted and overwhelmed.
What I’m struggling with is that logically I do believe she loves me and that this is more about overload/shutdown than lack of feelings, but emotionally the silence triggers a huge fear response in me because of the previous disappearance. I find myself constantly worrying that I’ll lose her even though the overall evidence points toward love and attachment, not rejection.
I’m trying very hard to approach this with understanding rather than anger. I don’t want to punish her for struggling. What I want is for her to feel safe enough to say “I need quiet for a couple of days” rather than disappearing or feeling like she has to make excuses. I’m also aware that I probably need healthier emotional boundaries myself because I become extremely anxious during periods of silence.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced similar push-pull/withdrawal dynamics in loving relationships affected by PTSD, trauma or emotional overwhelm. Especially whether this kind of temporary shutdown and later reconnection is something others have experienced, and how you learned to cope with the uncertainty without constantly panicking.
I’m in a relationship with a woman I love very deeply. She’s genuinely kind, funny, affectionate and emotionally intense, but she’s also been through some extremely traumatic experiences including serious abuse and a suicide attempt in the past. She’s currently on medication for sleep/mood and lately has been very exhausted, emotionally overwhelmed and sometimes numb or withdrawn.
The relationship itself has actually become very serious and loving. She tells me she loves me, calls me her boyfriend, has integrated into my life and my children’s lives, makes future plans with me, and generally when we’re together things feel incredibly natural and close. She’s also very affectionate in actions, not just words.
The difficult part is that when she becomes overwhelmed, she sometimes seems to shut down and withdraw from communication. Earlier this year there was a major withdrawal period where she disappeared for nearly two weeks and blocked me, before eventually coming back very emotionally connected and explaining she had basically withdrawn from the world. Since then things have actually become even closer between us, but recently she’s gone quiet again and blocked me once more after seeming very exhausted and overwhelmed.
What I’m struggling with is that logically I do believe she loves me and that this is more about overload/shutdown than lack of feelings, but emotionally the silence triggers a huge fear response in me because of the previous disappearance. I find myself constantly worrying that I’ll lose her even though the overall evidence points toward love and attachment, not rejection.
I’m trying very hard to approach this with understanding rather than anger. I don’t want to punish her for struggling. What I want is for her to feel safe enough to say “I need quiet for a couple of days” rather than disappearing or feeling like she has to make excuses. I’m also aware that I probably need healthier emotional boundaries myself because I become extremely anxious during periods of silence.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced similar push-pull/withdrawal dynamics in loving relationships affected by PTSD, trauma or emotional overwhelm. Especially whether this kind of temporary shutdown and later reconnection is something others have experienced, and how you learned to cope with the uncertainty without constantly panicking.
thanks
