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So Thursday was probably the most difficult session I have ever had not only with my current T but over the past 5 years of therapy period. I finally shared some particular details about one of my traumas that I have never shared with anyone and it is the root of my shame and feelings. I know...

Ok so I'may not bi polar and I've never ever had a manic episode. Not saying this is one, just some very similar features. Gonna try to keep this short as possible. Starting from beginning. Wednesday I had therapy session. Now looking back we crammed wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much into one 45 minute...

I haven't been around for a while because life has been hectic. I got accepted for disability in February and immediately started making plans to move from Alabama to Colorado. I have a friend that I will roommate with to make finances a little easier. I am so looking forward to the move in 57...

So Kaz (my service dog) and I were suppose to be flying out today for Colorado to stay a week with a friend. But my flight got delayed and messed up my connecting flight and now I can't fly out until Friday. It's working out good because now I'll be able to stay two weeks instead of one, but I...

I can't seem to fight it. It started before my therapist left, tons of anniversaries, and I can't afford to get my antidepressant filled. Its gotten so much worse. I haven't taken a shower in 5 days nor have I left the house. I'm suppose to see the new therapist Monday but at this rate I don't...

well it's been two weeks since I saw my old T for the last time. I won't lie, it's been really hard. Especially because I had to go see family for two weeks afterwards which has been very triggering. Whenever things come up I think "I need to tell *C* this" and then I realize I won't see her...

tomorrow is my last session with my T. I don't think it's really going to hit me until I leave her office and then I'm afraid it's going to hit me VERY hard. It all happened SO quickly. Like only two weeks ago. She'd planned on giving me 6 weeks notice but something came up. I had planned on...

so today on my birthday of all days I'm having a neuropsych evaluation done. It's to see how my brain has been affected by my multiple head traumas and also my PTSD. I requested it because I'm so sick and tired of my psychiatrist saying that all my physical health issues is because of my PTSD...

Sorry for two posts in two days but I'm really struggling right now with the news of my T leaving. I had an appointment with an eye specialist this morning. I told myself I could do it so I went. It was crowded! This of course has me anxious on top of still just being in shock and upset. Then...

So today marks 2 years since my last "trauma"- when I was raped. Weeks ahead of time we scheduled so I could see my T this morning to help me deal with things. Instead- it just made this day way worse. My T said she wanted to tell me this so bad last week but her boss had not given her the go...

This has been an awful week. My depression has slowly been worsening and so my psychiatrist put me on a new antidepressant but the few days I've tried taking it, it is like it doubles my depression which puts me on the edge holding on my the tips of my fingers. One day I tried so hard to go to...

Sorry for so many posts lately, I just really don't have a lot of outside support. So today my therapist brought up that she thinks I might would benefit from trauma-focused CBT. Due to several reasons we have stopped EMDR for right now- but the main reason is that I am not comfortable with...

Things have been slowly getting worse over the past few weeks to the point that if things don't turn around soon I am afraid I will need to go inpatient again to keep from acting. So my T came back after a 2 month recovery for surgery and things were looking good. I was able to get back into...

So all of my financial aid appeal stuff is coming through and I am registered to take 2 classes this semester starting tomorrow! I haven't taken classes on campus since like 2013 I think, or maybe beginning of 2014. My 6 month old SDiT has proven he is ready to start classes with me so we start...

So my therapist has been out having surgery and recovering for 2 months. SOOOOOOO much has happened during these 2 months. Ive been seeing her friend which has been helpful but not the same. Thankfully I see her tomorrow and the next day (we were suppose to start EMDR) but I feel like I have SO...

So I just was released from the hospital Thursday for a 4 day Video EEG. Back in April I started having random passing out spells and we couldn't figure out why. My doctor was quick to blame it on my PTSD and diabetes. It was only when my first EEG came back abnormal that she scheduled further...

So today we had a two hour session and something came up that I have never said to really anyone before. It has to do with something that I should've learned in childhood but I didn't. It came up during our EMDR processing. My therapist stopped because she could see something had come up. She...

I know I haven't been on in a while- life has been hectic. Around January I decided to retire Bristol out of public access because she was getting too stressed. For a month or so I just told myself I would live without a service dog in public with me, but I just can't. Not only for my PTSD, but...

I am in a bad place tonight. I am so tired of fighting so dang hard and things never getting better. Or if I do get a small break of peace, it only gets worse after it ends than it was before. I try so dang hard. I'm persistent in therapy, I'm trying to finish school, I'm trying to find a job. I...

Ok so, I haven't seen my T in a month because she has been out for surgery. I have been seeing one of her friends and it was a nice change up. We didn't do any trauma work aside from me telling her about any issues I had throughout the week. We mostly worked on learning boundaries with my mom...

2 flashbacks this week. One is new, one is one that I get off and on. I went almost one month without flashbacks or nightmares. Why? When will these be over with?! Ugh, sorry guys I am just in a very sour mood. My migraines have upped their intensity again and apparently so has my PTSD. The new...

Ok so everything got sped up with my T's surgery. I will see her on the 3rd then I won't see her for 4 weeks. It really sucks because the 12th will be one year since I attempted suicide and really needed to see her. Anyways I saw my primary doctor today through the university and she said she...

Well I have had to make a tough decision this week. I will be "washing" (retiring) Bristol out of public access work. She is simply too stressed in public after everything people did before the holidays. This included a woman letting her child run up and hit Bristol before I could stop it, a...

Almost 4 weeks without flashbacks or night terrors... too good to be true right? Should've known that. Last night's nightmare though was different. Normally my nightmares and flashbacks are from reality of things that happened to me. But last night's wasn't. And if I do have a regular...

Soooo I just looked at the weather and it's suppose to snow this week, starting on the day I have therapy. Snow isn't that common here and everything shuts down. I'm panicking because we just started going 2 weeks between sessions. If they shut down, I probably won't see her for a total of a...