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What I wrote that disappeared doesn't matter. Seriously, just like the rest of my life. I ruined Thanksgiving. dinner came out fine. But apparently I was talking away. I'm so pissed at husband of 3 short years. He lied about everything before we got married. I'm blown away. I've lost interest in...

I just wrote an entire post and it disappeared. I'm pissed! The end sentence is above....! Don't you remember anything ? I just told you yesterday. PISSSSS!

! "Don't you remember anything? I just told you yesterday!" Thanks for your concern. I've been on meds 40+ years, steady, one cocktail after another. First for depression, and went on from there. You're absolutely right about everything, and believe me - I'm trying to get off anything. They...

Oh, yes. Lots of doctors, and I have too many bills to prove it. My husband bitches at me whenever I want money, and is now starting on medical bills. I think I may have found ONE and keeping my fingers crossed. She reinstated my benzos, shorter acting one which is fine with me, and a couple...

Sorry, I'm not savvy about posting on this site yet. I answered this on #13, please check. Thank you for your concern and understanding.

I didn't respond to your question....do I see anybody now? Yes. There's never been a time in 44 years I've been with a therapist of some kind or other. Cha-ching! Money, money, and more money wasted. It got me nowhere, except to rehash my past. I didn't know about PTSD until 20 plus years ago...

That's what she did, after 40 years, MOSTLY on by far. I'm a wreck. I feel like I'm being punished. Or an experience, like in "The Truman Show".

No more than 3 hours a night. Not that I wanted to take them, but out of desperation I took Ambien. I upped it to 3 finally after a couple days (1, then 2, then 3) None of that worked. I'm tired. Yes.

But I can't stop panicking. This has been happening for months. I can't get a grip on it. It's the sort of panic that gives me nightmares about losing my teeth (and I actually cracked a tooth grinding my teeth during one such nightmare - but I can't for the life of me get a dental guard into my...

Thanks for that. I have a smart phone for 2 years and don't know too much about it. I forget what I just read and have to toggle between pages. Things are not sticking in my mind. I'm in a conversation and completely forget mid-sentence. It's embarrassing. I hope its just from all the stress. I...

Thank you. I'm crazy on this site. I can't figure it out yet. I know, read the information but that's where the difficulty comes in. I'm not processing very well, and now I'm thinking there are some serious problems with my memory. I have some meditation tapes to listen to if I could calm down...

I feel dead. I have no emotions other than sad, ANGRY, and MORE ANGRY. My brother died a couple months ago. He did some things to me. I guess I was supposed to forget it? I've always shoved it down and away like I do everything that's uncomfortable. When he died I felt nothing. Flat-line. Why is...

Thanks for your response. I don't even know how to slow down to listen to meditation tapes GF sent me. I'm never calm. They took meds for bi-polar disorder away when they realized, only because I brought it to their attention, I'm more PTSD than bi-polar. I'd been on these for many years. Benzo...

I don't know what I'm doing here really - I only mean, I don't know how to chat, or postings, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to reply or start a new thing here. Thank you. I need more help than I am finding. I'm totally broken and I'm burning a lot of bridges around town. I keep flipping out on...

I get it. I regret just about every single thing I did and didn't do. I did things out of fight-or-flight decisions or fear of doing something I'm unfamiliar with. This is getting worse for me as years go by. I'm in a panic right now and have been for several days. Just figured out, it's the...

This has not been a very good day. I'm still really on edge and irritated. My husband of three years is probably NOT the best person for me to be with. He reminds me so much of my dad. It is what it is. I don't have many choices, the furthest I got was almost finishing nursing school. Instead of...

(11.15.18) I hyper-focus (obsess) and I don't seem to be able to turn off this feature in my brain. It's usually when I've been ripped off or blamed or not having done the 'right' thing. I got the worst haircut I've ever had a few days ago and paid 80 bucks for someone to butcher me. (Is that...

(I AM SORRY IF ANY TRIGGERS HERE. I'M NOT SURE HOW TO WRITE IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT EVERYONE'S IS...? AREN'T MOST THINGS GOING TO AFFECT SOMEONE OUT THERE?)

I hope writing will help me out. . So I was taking ineffective meds for all that time and years before that. I'm pissed. I've started numerous diaries throughout my life. I get to page six or so, and that's about it. My Mom read my diary when I was fourteen. It was my first one, and actually...

Thanks. I take all the hugs I can get!

I want to change all this. I want to go back to being 5 years old, scream out what was happening. If they won't step up to the plate on their own, force them to protect me. Instead, I shoved it down and hid it like I was taught. Every year through elementary was the same routine. That many years...

I want to change all this. I want to go back to being 5 years old, scream out what was happening. If they won't step up to the plate on their own, force them to protect me. Instead, I shoved it down and hid it like I was taught. Every year through elementary was the same routine. That many years...

I need to figure this out too, Ruth. I kept asking the last shrink if I'm supposed to feel this way. She couldn't answer anything, but instead would look at me quizzically like an owl. Every time I'd say something she didn't quite understand she would tilt her head, and no answers whatsoever...

Less than a year addressing the real issues, stuffed for 57 years. I can't find help, but after months this last try maybe I have at last. Don't get me wrong. Have been medicated and in counseling of every kind imaginable throughout 2/3 of my life. And I'm still not fixed. I was never treated...