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I feel like I am losing the plot again. Chaos everywhere. Tired of being emotionally stoned to death. Nowhere else I'd rather be. Shut in the dark. Can't deal with any light right now. Losing my first and only home to. My heart is exhausted like it might just pack up. I truly did everything...

I had been doing OK. Going to work, being intimate with hubby. Sorting things with the kids. Now his mental health is rocky, my daughter won't talk to me my sons seizures are terrifying and in spite of all the constant self deprecating love care and support I have provided my husband with and...

I am recognising the reoccurrence of some old symptoms as I start to emotionally and physically lock myself away. Urges to slice my breasts. Getting lost in the broken bathroom mirror pressing the cold blade to my skin all morning but I haven't cut. Scattered unfocused thought. Losing ability to...

I just opened up in a post that I'm not sure I was supposed to but it just kinda happened and I'm really sorry if the subject wasn't on point relative to the thread but I can't bring myself to type those words again. This is the first summer I haven't gone on some crazy mish training)(and...

Near the end I didn't want them to let my head back above the water. The painful bit is the fight for life. I met death over 30 times in those somewhere between three and five days. Then for years laughed death in the face. Now I have stuff to do, a life, love, reason. Death is haunting me at...

My life is in such a good place right now relationships wise with hubby kids social workers friends and even extended family. I have never had any of this beauty in my life before and I am seriously grateful so why now with the physical interruptions of the past? I am in agony when all I want to...

Vulnerable. Scared. At the mercy of professionals. I want to scream and beg but no sound escapes because no one responds well to that. I am not a drama queen. I overcame so much for you faced so many fears head on changed life, dreams perceptions till all of me is a part of you yet you too...

If time stops in a black hole and every particle in existence eventually gets sucked into a black hole then at point reenter the space time continuim is that reincarnation? And in order for a black hole to diffuse particles need to escape at a higher rate than they succumb so in order for a...

The constant feeling at the back of my throat like I'm gonna projectile vom but I'm just holding it there the hot sticky clammy shivering state. I feel the dirt under my skin like a Paris item. I literally peel my top layer of skin of. It looks disgusting and gets easily infected. Stops me going...

I have been battling ptsd for six years. I only just got stable enough to commit to group therapy. I attended last week but it's not on this week, I've forgotten why. This week is my clever, kind and just plain epic daughters ninth birthday, when I suffered with more intensive disassociation I...

After a prolonged revenge attack I ended up pregnant by one of the perpetrators, I lived for the ensuing years terrified they'd find me and my daughter, gave birth to her completely alone in an abandoned sand quarry lived of the grid in self built benders in the middle of nowhere because I felt...

I have been a member of this forum twice in the last three years, for just under a year each time but I think this is the first time I am about to succeed in typing I was gang raped every other weekend from the age of six to eight by a group of five "photographers" who had beguile my superficial...

Hi. I have used weed as a successful aid throughout the process of getting control of my p.t. s.d., however my physical health is now such that I am unable to inhale it nor will I be likely to again due to ongoing through and respiratory tract trauma. I stopped taking bongs about a month ago and...

Amidst this physical fight for health the dynamics of pretty much every integral relationship in my life are changing or perhaps I'm just perceiving them more blatantly. Some changes are stratesphericaly epic like more frequent contact out and about with my son as opposed to at the respite...

28 at the end of March with over a decade sleeping out and two self delivered kids and never never have I wasted GP time. I have had my skull smashed In quite severely and infected abcesses where the bony processes have fused have become a serious issue but I missed a couple of minors ops last...

I used to cut to bleed the infection of them out of me. Now my heightened emotions are confusing and scary and I'm cutting when the energy has nowhere to go. I've lost control of my brain and am really struggling to focus on what I should be doing which makes me feel my life is pointless. I...

My sons foster father ( a Fair man who did right by my son) passed away yesterday, one year after my son moved in with him his wife and his grandson. I am going to visit my son today and will do all I can to help with the transition to life without steve(although my cautiously spiritual side...

I've started scrubbing the top layers of my skin of in the bath again. Triggered by lung infection just recovered from stationary finchlet loses skin layers. Researching the non rude type of self massage to slow down the red raw. Infections better as of several hours ago maybe I should get out...

I am to face my abusers on Monday in mediàtion for my daughter. I will be brave enough despite my marraige starting to crumble around me when I'm supposed to be strong and stable. My inability to be free in the bedroom has slowly turned my husband from the most kind, caring wonderful man I...

I'm doing ok I'm functioning moving forward and all that shit but sex makes me feel violently sick. I desire my husband but would rather swim in vomit than be touched. His libido is high and the backrubs and footrubs I give him aren't satisfying his need for intimacyand I wanna help him out with...

Ok forcing was way to strong a word, pressuring would be more accurate but I work so hard to make my husband proud of me as no one has ever been proud of me before that when he implies or I get an inclination that he expects something from me my hand feels forced. I have already given extensive...

And gone are the three f*cking fabulous night's of blue cheese and sleep as the penny pinching prison burn returns along with the usual relentless insomnia. Initially I get angry shakes, cry and wanna break shit, secondly I'm suffocated by my darkest fears which at the moment mostly seem to...

I am a bits n Bob's type labourer (people sometimes do a double take but for a smallish woman of 5"7 lifting heavy shits like a free self defence class) and with that often comes funny hours. I have always lived with other people from just people who need somewhere to stay to colleagues. Right...

Intercourse, nighnty per cent of the time is too pain full and invasive for me to cope with. My husband is very patient with this and i try to give him head every couple of days to stop him getting too frustrated but I blank out a lot. I keep having to stop and have lower tolerance with choking...

Received a text from my mother this morning (she orchestrated much of the abuse I suffered as a child) panicked and deleted it without reading it. I had previously been instructed by both police and my husband not to do so as these texts could be used as prosecution evidence. Not that I believe...