All i can feel is pain and fear

[Finchlet2]

I had been doing OK. Going to work, being intimate with hubby. Sorting things with the kids. Now his mental health is rocky, my daughter won't talk to me my sons seizures are terrifying and in spite of all the constant self deprecating love care and support I have provided my husband with and that I haven't let my childhood rape prevent me being intimate with him in a very free unrestricted way this year I am left sitting on the bathroom window ledge alone most mornings alone feeling only a burden and surpluses to requirements. I have no friends to talk to or other family members than those above stated. I just ha nt had the coarage to jump yet. I don't want to die but living I'm starting to drown in pain. This is my cry for help. I am spiraling down to a dark dangerous place. Free falling. Nothing to hold on to.

 

[blackemerald1]

Now his mental health is rocky, my daughter won't talk to me my sons seizures are terrifying and in spite of all the constant self deprecating love care and support I have provided

You sound completely overwhelmed, over-tired and stressed and I don't blame you. Do you get a break from all of these responsibilities and are you getting any therapy?

All of these parts of your life can be worked on or resolved.

You don't have to take responsibility for everything all of the time. Do you have anyone helping you with all of this?

 

[Finchlet2]

I don't have the kids full time as I share PR with social services. I was attending therapy but it interrupted work hours so I stopped a few months ago a did kinda gone as far as i can go with that group anyway. Doing my best to support hubby and work with the ss but failingandfeel like I'm just a nuisense. Lost.

 

[blackemerald1]

I share PR with social services.

^^Can you speak with social services and find out what other kinds of support they can provide for you?

Has your sons medical condition deteriorated recently or has his seizures always terrified you? What would help with this situation?

I was attending therapy but it interrupted work hours so I stopped a few months ago a did kinda gone as far as i can go with that group anyway.

^^Have you explored other forms of therapy? Possibly one on one? Or some other kind of ongoing support for your own mental health. It is worth looking at. You do need to take good care of yourself first otherwise you will not be able to do everything that you already do or keep it up.

Finding some kind of therapy that can accommodate you around your work hours on a ongoing basis is really important. Have you looked or asked?

my best to support hubby and work with the ss but failing

^^Time to connect with the social worker or case manager who is supervising your situation and discuss with them what can be done to help support you, your husband and children more than what is happening now.

Please have that conversation. It takes a long time for anything to happen in this area.

Systems such as social security are notorious for being very slow in response to requests. It's important that you make that contact and persist because it could take a while to work out what can be done and who can do it.

feel like I'm just a nuisense. Lost.

^^But you know that you are not... don't you? You are feeling overwhelmed and you are in a difficult circumstance right now. This isn't your fault. I'm sure if you could have things your way you would enjoy a good relationship with your daughter, your son would not be unwell, your husband would be okay and you would not have a history of trauma.

That is the truth of it isn't it? You didn't choose this situation and that doesn't mean that it will all stay that way either.

Right now you are feeling down and it feels hopeless. I really understand that :hug:

 

[hithere]

Looking back to the year-you had improvement-you remember it. You do need to reach out to crisis hot line, or find someone to talk to you or get some support. If things were woking well before they can work well again. I'm wishing you a glimpse of some hope to get you through this --