Search results

Yesterday was another day with my T delving into the beginning of my story, my abuse. She recommended that I read or watch some videos from Brene Brown about Shame. I watched one of her Ted talks as well as another persons, both very powerful and hit me hard. My T has zeroed in on a core issue...

L like this statement because it nails it. I often feel like I am just showing up but not living.

This is something I will need to monitor because I always look to finish or complete things very quickly and push straight to the result, not going to work here. This too in a very warped way is tied to my abuse

Hi Weezley, I am the last person to advise you as I am in the middle of this as well but I can say that the one thing I have learned is you need a good therapist to have any hope of getting through it.

Scary as well, will I know or even like that person? At 61 the thought of transforming into a different person is very hard to imagine

Thank you, I hope so. My T tried some exercises with me, Mindfullness etc. My previous T tried EMDR, neither even scratches the diamond hard wall surrounding my emotions. Knowing this does not help as I believe my subconscious is protecting me and even the thought of opening up is horrifying

For 50 years I have shielded myself from expressing grief, initially for survival but now it is just hard wired. There is no pain that I can imagine that is harder than feeling grief. It is like asking someone to jump off the roof of a building, I can't do that to myself. I suspect that my drive...

Thank you all for the words of encouragement. I am hoping some day to merge the logical part of my brain and the emotional part.

I am in Therapy with a new Therapist for the last 4 weeks, so far so good. I had read an article she wrote in a national magazine about adult survivors and childhood abuse and I had to wait 3 months to get an appt, glad I waited. Therapy I have found often confuses me because it ends up going...

Thank you I am trying. Had a very tough session with T yesterday as she is starting to peel the onion and there are so many layers

Quick background - I am an adult survivor who never said anything for 45 years until 5 years ago I had a total collapse, had Therapy for about 6 months (I would have stayed longer but she retired) finally told someone of my abuse and told my wife. It took a year but I finally returned to a...

I guess when I get to the point I do not blame myself I will be healed, that seems 100 miles away

All I can say is WOW your reply sounds like you were inside my head, I literally could have written the exact same thing.

As I reviewed my virtual therapy session yesterday I realized that my T said something that I have probably known but have never verbalized or thought about: "I protect myself from feeling strong emotions and have been doing so since I was 10" Disassociation and blocking of emotions was a...

Hi dismalgreen, I am so sorry you are dealing with this, I understand your pain. I was in a virtual session yesterday (my 3rd) with a new Therapist. As a survivor from sexual assault from 10-12 and as one who never said anything for over 40 years until my life collapsed I get it. She made an...

I am far from an expert having been diagnosed 5 years ago. After taking 4 years off from Therapy I am back with a T as is my PTSD. I do not know if it can ever be "cured" but I can tell it is a long road.

Thanks Missycat, everything rings true I think I just need to hopefully get to a place where I stop blaming myself, looks like a long way off because there is so much to blame. Like you I have much to be thankful for, a loving wife, two wonderful children and now two grandchildren. In some ways...

This week has been a good one because I finally had my first appt (virtual) with my new T. I liked her and I am glad I waited the 3 months to get an appt with her. I had sent her a number of my posts from this site ahead of the session and I think that helped her get up to speed a little. I now...

Thank you Mums, you are a very strong woman and have survived so much, yet you have such a great outlook and successes.

I am totally not the type of person that thinks what if.......... The problem I am facing is as I learn and come to grips with my abuse and learn about consequences I realize that my what if's are not dreams but truth. My life would have been so different had I not been abused by a pedophile for...

Thx Moving - I have had some amazing successes in my life but that does not seem to help overcome the fatal flaw at 10 Hi Mach - The odd thing is I don't hate myself I hate what happened to me and the long term damage

As I have been writing diaries here lately and with my mind constantly racing unless I deaden the feelings with help, I often wonder what my life would have looked like - What I did - I would have listened in school and been a great student building a foundation of knowledge for the future...

I had about 6 months of therapy 4 years ago and found it helped but actually created more questions than answers. In my case there is no doubt of what happened over a two year period it is just that I have blanked out the details but the knowledge and memories about it in general are quite...

I feel some of your pain. I was also abused at a young age by a pedophile and only remember short clips that come as flashbacks. The million dollar question for me (maybe you as well) is do I really want to remember? What is worse, knowing or not knowing?

Thank you Ladee - I have found this site a lifeline to both learn about what others have been through as well as expressing myself safely