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I have gone through layers of recovery and believe all steps toward recovery are not wasted. I am more able to hear and follow within myself the next step that will lead to lowering symptoms. Sticking with actively implementing a recovery solution that I have picked up through the years, is my...

I am willing to wager he sexually abused your friend. Looks like a no-brainer to me.

good thing to remember, We are not alone . I held it in for years and finally it overtook my whole system. I have been learning to trust my SO, we dated years ago and now he is here for me. He was always there for me as I look back at all the photos from long ago. He always cared for me in his...

i agree, after trying pure mdma once a couple months ago, without a therapist. i see the benefit of a therapist. looks like i get another chance to have some so, since i have no access to mdmatherapist nor want to find a therapist who will do it, i have been coming up with ideas written down...

You have a lot on your plate. I understand the part that you minimize this accident in your head and expect yourself to be back to your old life. I keep those expectations up for myself too but my life has changed due to the unraveling of a self over time that comes from untreated cptsd over a...

i tried high cbd oil /low thc for a while in vape form. was not satisfied. got lower cbd and higher thc. for me, i need the thc to help my brain come up with alternative thots that make me depressed.

i have been using small dose of trazezone at bedtime for about 3 years. 50mg. i started with more back then as my mind was spinning so much i could not sleep. Once i got that situation balanced out, i decided to continue as it helped me get at least 4 or so hours sleep without waking up. I may...

i am getting this about myself. that is why it has been so hard for me. i never developed skills to take care of myself so my mind is always devising ways to get approval, trying to be very subtle. it is not working for me anymore. I have busted myself. It is said that awareness is the beginning...

junebug, i guess i missed it all, i felt nothing offensive. ;)

yes, i relate, said well junebug! most of the time i feel that way, in general. I think this has come up for me because my body is having symptoms that are visible to others that are not my normal expression and I have found it necessary to include my trusteds, important for healing trust...

that works for me too, thanks for reminding me!

yeah, come to think of it, i keep my complaints to my trusteds, physical "my shoulder is really aching today" "I am really shaking badly today", or "lost of pain today" sometimes i will say to trusteds when i am in situations when my mind is not thinking correctly "I used to be able to do that...

it makes sense to me, junebug, i have your strategy with my oldest son and his wife and my daughter, housemate and my 2 trusted friends. i let them know it is a bad day; usually it is overwhelm and shaking symptoms. I have trained them not to question, but it is therapeudic for me and it...

I guess I am fortunate as I do not experience that. So sorry that you do!

i "get" the not being able to breathe thing It is the top of my list of Ways to Cope daily, "Breather Deeply all Day", so i try to remember. Apparently, the story goes, when I was 2, I held my breath, turned blue, passed out on a regular basis. That is what was required for me to get...

Was watching a movie the other day and the actor said of his passed away wife that she “never complained a day or moment (during her years of pain and sickness), everyday she stated what a beautiful day it was”. My thoughts is that person was trying to “suffer in silence” so she was not a...

i am 64 and my body has been breaking down also and it is from cptsd, i know it in my bones. i am and always have been very healthy. My whole nervous system is all shakey and i hunch over. The pain radiates across my whole back. I can't tolerate much stimulation from people, audio, visual stuff...

Looking4Safety, I totally get what you are saying. EMDR did not help me for the same reason. I could draw on no good memories that facilitates EMDR as a method that works for me. I prob could not use my dog because I feel like I'm a bad dog owner and he knows it even though i feed him well...

Thank you AnD. I do what you do. I realized this past year that I was hating myself about all these feelings. I was feeling mad at "others" behavior and blaming them(pretty much inside myself, not acting out much toward them, except on a subtle level. At some point i realized it really was not...

Woke up with better feelings and more energy. The anxiety is so strong always, including today. It is still terror inside telling me to hurry up and get everything done today. I am breathing, did yoga and dance. The voice is telling me nothing I do is good enough and I’m ready to be criticized...

this is my experience, i am a huge avoider of people, though on the surface it is not really noticed by many (that i know of). I have managed to "dodge the bullet" of getting too close to most people. I have my strategies. I am the busy, gotta go type. The few who have stayed with me are those...

I have moved geographically, husbands(relationships), business situations thru my life, it is a pattern, for sure. Now, more and more, I am feeling that home is where I am. Most of the time I am not home to myself as I am distracted by CPTSD symptoms every moment. I am slowly learning to stay...

Rain, I relate to a some key details of your experience. I have been sober for a while. Stick with it. All this is coming up for a reason and it is all part of the recovery from childhood and recovery from alcohol process. Eliminating alcohol has brought up much inner pain and memories for me...

I ,per chance, got an opportunity to try MDMA (pure form, not street) about 2-3 months ago. It was without a therapist, at home with my safe roommate around for support, if needed. That experience made me a believer in the potential of MDMA being extremely helpful. After doing it myself, I...

Welcome sufferer,I am not gay or anything like that (that i am aware of) but I am an ally for sure. C-PTSD is a life-changer no matter who you are. For me, getting a diagnosis that makes sense has helped immensely. I have a road map and I listen to the folks here and read my Pete Walker book(my...