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Toxic shame is a huge issue with me. What works best for me when I can get myself to move is exerting energy. It seems to calm my whole system. Sometimes it paralyzes me so all I can do is tolerate the distress knowing at some point it will pass. Have learned at least with me when it is...

Please do not reply further to my posts, She Cat. I have no need to bare my soul to you. I suppose you are trying to be helpful; however I find it not to be so.

Please do not tell me I have done NOTHING. You have no idea what I have or have not done. Some of us have not had the proper treatment not because we have not tried or sought.

What I am trying to focus on today is I am not this disease...somehow I have taken it on as my total identity. Thank-you for your replies...it helps me to know I am not alone although I would not want this for anyone. We are having a nice day weather wise today so went for a walk. Guess I...

It has seemed like such a long time since the initial intake appt. with trauma counselor. I was on rocky ground before, but I am even worse now. I just cannot seem to get my head out of the past no matter what I do so I kinda have just stopped trying. My entire life since my father died when...

Thank-you, Hodge. Trust me when I say I feel anything but brave at this point. She is a trauma counselor which is something I have not had before so that is one hopeful thing!! Am not sure but feel I need to be a little more stable before really delving into the trauma. Just go and see what...

Have an appointment with therapist this Friday. It seems like a lifetime ago we had the intake appointment. I have continued to go downhill. I just cannot seem to get a grip. I want to somehow tell her without sounding like I am attacking her or the mental health system that part of the...

I am six years out of a marriage to a sadistic psychopath. The only thing I did not loose in that relationshit was my physical life and am one lucky person to have escaped with that. I would hope for you you would not let things go on as long as I did. You have some advantages I did not so it...

Have settled down a bit...I will get through this. Thanks for the replies!!!!!!!!!!! Hope all of find some peace also.

I am so not able to regulate right now...well, more like I am going off the f*cking deep end. Ever since the lid came off this ptsd, I cannot for the life of me get a grip or grounded....my mind is all over the place with flashbacks of my whole lifetime, and there is so much crap...mine and...

Stress has wrecked havoc with my body. I suffered with Graves disease (over-active thyroid) for awhile, but with the proper medication after some time that straightened out and I no longer have to take the mediation. However, in the past couple years I have developed all kinds of allergies...a...

My system also reacts very badly to all that positive mumbo jumbo; kind of like a violent revulsion. That kinda makes sense to me cause it's too big of a stretch. Have made some of my own affirmations that work very well for me which I do not share with anyone cause they are personal and work...

Wow, wow and wow!!!!!!!!!!!! Giving myself permission to feel what I feel instead of all those tapes that go off in my head which are nothing but opinions people have laid on me over the years telling me those feelings are wrong...and then fighting them all the way which I suppose is true...that...

It has only been recently I have realized the degree of abuse I experienced with my mother and how it has basically ruled my whole life. To sum it up briefly and without going into specifics...here is the deal...she taught me there was not one acceptable thing about me, and I was the source of...

When I am wrong I am pretty good at acknowledging it. My feeling yesterday was the thread was getting too aggressive to benefit anyone. Unfortunately, I responded from my own woundedness. Next time I will know...not my monkey...not my circus...close the thread and move on. Lesson...

Boy. as a fairly new member myself...beginning to wonder about this site too...I really seriously think some of you need to seriously check your egos.

I broke down and called a crisis hotline the other day. Did not really want to but anxiety was getting the best of me. When I am that anxious the last thing on my mind is using the tools I have. We basically just chatted awhile which was good for me and helped me to get grounded. Of course she...

I agree those who think they are entitled get things and not always by the most honest ways. So developing a healthy sense of entitlement would be a very good thing...trying to do that with affirmations.

Am not very technologically versed so do not know how to do the inserts and such. Yasmine, I appreciate your replies. I think for both of us it would be beneficial if we could know it is ok to speak our minds as long as we are not hurting ourselves or anyone else. I try very hard not to...

Thanks for the replies. I have done a lot of research about personality disorders and the way people manipulate, etc. I understand all too well the way I played into it.I believe it was my ignorance and naivety. I have come a long way in not being a dumping ground for people's crap. Still...

Ok, so I understand some of this is distorted thinking and can be looked at and changed. However, to me there are some things that are just fact and have to be worked with as is...acceptance whether you like it or not. Sometimes I get the best epiphanies in that period between sleep and...

I am a new member too so WELCOME!!! I am always hesitant to give advice. I would much rather share my experiences. I have moved a lot. What I find is I always take me with me. There have been times when it was beneficial in some ways...like a safer neighborhood, etc. I have lived where I am...

I really appreciate your reply. This is going to be a bit of a rant. So hang on. And, no, I am not being paranoid; but after all these years seeing a bit of reality...and actually it is bout me not them. I went to AA way back when; back when it was beat you to a pulp crap. At the time I was...

Thanks for your reply. The counselor said we would establish some ways for me to be in touch. This is a very rural area and the services are stretched pretty thin so I will have to see; I am very good about advocating for myself. I also see a life coach @ the local women's shelter. I think...

Glad to know I am not alone in this. Right now I do not trust anyone nor do I trust myself because of how many times my thinking was proved wrong. Naive doesn't even begin to describe it, and how many times do you have to do the same thing expecting different results? I sometimes think I can...