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Good for you for taking the step to acknowledge this. I'll join Candleflames in congratulating you. :) I have a history of self-harm, and wish I could give advice on how to overcome it. It's sort of a mysterious thing for me, so I'll follow this thread with interest. Thanks for starting the topic!

This is a big topic for me. I really believe in cultivating compassion, but I (understandably!) balk when it comes to my abusers. Talk about a HUGE difference! I am thinking that your ability to see the toxicity is what allows you to be compassionate?

It sounds to me like you've been unfairly blamed and invalidated in the past. I'm so sorry to hear this! I hope that you find that this forum can provide some support among people who not only believe you, but who "get it." Welcome!

For what it's worth, here's my experience with making mindfulness meditation a part of my life: I decided to do a little bit each day, only 3 minutes at a time. And, I didn't worry about finding the ideal setting or time or space for meditation--anywhere that I thought of it was good enough for...

A year ago, I think I was exactly where you are now. I somehow believed that therapy would be a quick fix, and then I'd just move on with my life. It's normal that you dissociate when you first start talking about this highly stressful stuff. And talking is a good thing! By exposing yourself to...

Please don't minimize what happened to you. I've experienced a variety of traumas, both physical and emotional, and the rejection/abandonment issues have been some of the toughest for me. As nursenurse pointed out, sometimes the wounds on the inside are the most damaging. I am sorry you had to...

I am not a mother, so I can't provide any concrete experiences (though I can certainly relate to your feelings about mothers in general). For what it's worth, I spoke with my therapist about my concerns over one day being a parent, and she told me that one of the top predictors for parenting...

I hear you. I've been there myself--it's no fun. Although it certainly makes sense to me that nightmares could be responsible for you feeling tired, I wonder if there are other possibilities worth considering too. I'm thinking maybe tiredness, or wanting to sleep, could be related to depression...

If people report you are screaming in the night, and you don't remember anything the next day, then I'd say this is good evidence that you're having nightmares and then not remembering them. As for myself, I know I only remember a fraction of my nightmares (based on my sleeping companion's...

How did it go??

Yup, I can relate to the shivers--along with goosebumps. And I feel cold, too. I think this could be related to feeling cold during some traumatic incidents, though seeing that a lot of people shiver (presumably without cold-related triggers), I am wondering whether maybe it's just a general thing.

More thoughts I had on this: If your self--your body, your soul--is the source of inescapable pain, then it makes sense to me that one might adapt by psychologically pushing away the source of the pain (the self). To me, feeling disconnected from one's body, feeling disconnected from photos or...

Feeling like you see a "stranger in the mirror" is a dissociative symptom, as far as I know. There is even a good book about dissociative disorders that is titled as such. All part of "normal," I'd say, at least for trauma survivors like us!

Does your university have an office for students with disabilities? I'd start there, if it's an option. They might be able to help you work things out with the professor so you don't have to do group work (for instance).

For what it's worth, I think it's possible to benefit from DBT without a therapist and without paying much. I have a DBT self-help workbook I like quite a bit (OK, OK, so I like books! ;) ). I am sure there are a couple options out there (the one I have is by McKay et al). I read the book, made...

And I'll add an account of my own experience, as I see some possible parallels to yours: When people can see my pain and unmet needs, it scares me. I can see the contours of my fear today in the landscape of my traumatic past: I had so much need that could not be voiced, and so much pain I...

Be as compassionate with yourself as possible. I know this is a cliche, but it really is helpful, especially when you feel so beaten down that everything feels like an impossible effort. Such a deceptively simple yet powerful thing--to look inside and approach what you find there with an...

It's so hard to start sharing one's thoughts and emotions, even anonymously. You've taken a huge step towards breaking down that isolation just by posting here! I'm new to this forum too, and am finding that people here are quite supportive and non-judgmental. I hope you find this place to be...

This is an old thread! But thought I'd respond, as nobody's posted a reply. I have noticed that when I feel triggered, I often become intensely cold. The inverse is also true--feeling cold can trigger me. Usually the effect is subtle--I'll get goose bumps and simultaneously feel the onset of...

I have struggled with sleep issues for years, and continue to struggle. That said, I have managed to mostly conquer my nightmares. And, although I still can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, at least the sleep I do get feels restful--and less scary! I went through periods of intense...

Hi, Crazy. I've been struggling with eating and appetite. I simply don't get hungry much, and only eat sporadically. It started when I first faced my traumatic past a year ago. Like you, I sometimes struggle to identify what's really going on in my mind. Sometimes I think I have no appetite...

You're so brave and taking such a positive stance for your recovery! Good for you. No matter what the response you get, you can be proud that you've taken an important step for yourself. And, if this therapist is as great as you say, he will certainly be open to whatever you share. I agree with...

Hey Rupert. I had my "catharsis" about a year ago. I can so completely relate to your journey of tackling the issue like a broken engine to be studied and fixed. Nice to read this, it makes me feel a little less alone.

Hi there. New here too, and also looking to share/connect/discuss. I can relate to dealing with multiple traumas simultaneously. Like you, I had some EMDR sessions, and found them to be incredibly helpful (though disturbing and difficult too). Looking forward to seeing you around the forums.

Hi, there. I'm in my early thirties, and I've spent my life feeling like the pain and suffering I experienced as a child was somehow normal. I knew I'd been hit, tortured, drugged, humiliated, threatened. But, somehow, none of it registered as "wrong." I guess I had so fully absorbed the...