Self Harm - Very Severe Compulsive Self-mutilation

[anonymous]

I noticed today that I have been dealing with this for too long.

I have compulsion to every type except cutting, which I have only rarely done for the large endorphin release.

Pulling out facial or arm hairs, pulling/picking/biting off skin on my fingers or lips, and biting off fingernails. My hands are always a mess.

I don't really know what to do about this. I started this thread as a means of acknowledging to myself what this is and that it is a problem.

 

[Candleflames]

You are taking the very first step in dealing with this problem so congratulations on that. I do all of those things too and they have a name. The hair pulling is called Trichotillomania and the skin picking is called Dermatillomania. They are both quite common especially among us with PTSD. Please know that you are not alone in this. I have them both as well and am very familiar with the intense shame that goes along with it.

The best kind of therapy for these is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I've been going for about 10 weeks now and have had significant improvement. Instead of pulling and picking every day for hours I only have about one 5-10 min episode a week. I actually have a full head of hair now.

There is a website that can help you find a therapist but calling therapist that specialize in CBT can direct you to someone in your area. There are even things you can do on your own if therapy is out of reach right now. I carry a ping-pong ball around with me and roll it in my hands when I feel the urge to pull or pick. I've also found that practicing mindfulness when washing my hands every single times really helps to prevent the urges in the first place.

Do some internet searches of those two terms and you will find some great info. I particularly like this site: http://www.trich.org/

I hope this helps you feel less alone in your struggles.

 

[CVC]

Good for you for taking the step to acknowledge this. I'll join Candleflames in congratulating you. :)

I have a history of self-harm, and wish I could give advice on how to overcome it. It's sort of a mysterious thing for me, so I'll follow this thread with interest. Thanks for starting the topic!

 

[Tolkienian]

Another congratulations. I admire you so much--I know how much strength it took to admit to myself that I had a problem. For me, it was waking up from a semi-dissociative episode literally covered in my own hair, and realizing the bald patch was larger than the palm of my hand. That was 9 months ago now.

Since then, I have quit pulling entirely, relapsed, and slowly weaned myself off again. It's been really hard. This road's not easy. But for my birthday in August, I was able to get a haircut with a full head of hair for the first time in over a year. I still have an almost-entirely full head of hair.

For me, stopping the first time was really driven by fear and a massive desire to change. I threw everything I had ever used to pull away (huge list). I even threw it into a communal garbage bin so I couldn't go digging for it. I put up affirmations all over the walls of my room. I went to therapy. I told several of my friends and my bf. I prayed and journaled. I've massively cut down my frequency, from daily for hours to maybe once or twice weekly. For me, twice-daily showers and really strong relaxation rituals have also helped.

At the same time, I've accepted that I'm trying to be the best person I can be, and that I'll slip and fall along the way. We're trying to deal with horrible things that have happened to us. I honor all of my coping mechanisms as the best I can do at any given time. I just want to learn to do better.

May your journey go well.

 

[Julesnaz]

I pick at my face, lips, and fingers. Lotion on my hands and Vaseline on my lips helps a little. It's harder to do when there is a barrier of some sort. Try cutting your nails short or perhaps a manicure would work for the biting and pulling of the skin. I know they get the rouge pieces of skin that I want to pick.