Meditation and ptsd

[Toranoko]

(If this belongs in a different section, please feel free to move it).

I've been studying meditation for a long time now, but I have a problem with consistency. Well, the consistency problem is with many, many things actually, but right now I'm focusing on Meditation.

Does anyone else find it difficult to establish a long term Meditation practice? I go to retreats and enjoy them thoroughly. I've started the practice many times, lasting a couple weeks before "something happens" and then it stops.

I guess the question is -- do you think this could be related to PTSD & symptoms? If so, how do I establish a consistent practice?

 

[quic]

Hi there, Yes PTSD will make meditation more challenging. However, meditation can be very helpful in treating PTSD. I have found that mindfulness meditaion is most helpful in the long run. Other forms of meditation can actually lead to a disassociated state of mind that is similar to PTSD symptoms. Mindfulness is the opposite state of most PTSD sufferers. I found awareness and mindfulness to be very painful at first and avoided it at all cost. Many PTSD sufferers will try not to be mindful and or aware to avoid feeling what is there.
The fact that you are finding it hard to be consistent might mean you are on the right path. Maybe you are pushing away because you don't want to be aware or mindful. Good luck and best wishes to you.

 

[CVC]

For what it's worth, here's my experience with making mindfulness meditation a part of my life:

I decided to do a little bit each day, only 3 minutes at a time. And, I didn't worry about finding the ideal setting or time or space for meditation--anywhere that I thought of it was good enough for me. I'd fit it into my schedule while waiting for things (waiting for therapy to start, waiting for the bus, etc). At first, I often forgot, even though I had reminders popping up on my phone. For months, it was typical that I'd only remember a couple times per week. But, I kept at it, telling myself that 6 minutes per week was still better than nothing. And it was!

Eventually (months later), as I got better at mindful meditation and got more practice, I became increasingly aware of its immediate concrete benefits. And, as soon as I started really noticing the positive effects, the more I naturally started turning to mindfulness without having to really think about it as a "task." In other words, it started to become a habit on its own accord.

I guess the first lesson I might take from my experience is that one does not need to be terribly consistent (at least not on a daily basis) or terribly extensive at first to be able to eventually develop a consistent practice. The important thing is to keep showing up. If you are having a hard time showing up, then maybe set the bar lower (just 1 minute?).

The other important piece for me is to try to integrate the meditation into daily life (versus "special times" that feel separate from routine). Long retreats are nice and wonderful for many reasons, but I don't think it's necessarily the way to develop a consistent practice, as it's entirely separate from your day-to-day routine.

In sum, I think it makes sense to try to find the smallest and least intrusive way to get a bite-sized bit of meditation into your life to maximize the chances that you'll have the time and motivation to keep showing up. And, if you do keep showing up, even if just for a few minutes per week, I think the practice can grow from there in an organic way that's integrated with your daily life.

Good luck, and let us know what works for you!

 

[Deleted member 22607]

I actually benefited from this thread. I often try to meditate (and I used to do it a lot before the trauma) but I rarely get around to actually doing it. When I do do it, though, I feel much better afterwards. It has a very peaceful, calming effect. It only lasts for a day or so, but that's a beginning. I think it's just difficult to get into the rhythm, and yes I agree that it may be related to PTSD. I didn't have so much trouble meditating before the trauma, probably because there was less I had to let go of, and I wasn't so nervous about being mindful.
But keep trying - I definitely will! :)

 

[JarHed]

Great Thread.

Developing the discipline to do anything is hard. Whether it's loosing weight, getting in shape, or meditating. As was mentioned, start small and easy but do it everyday. Try to find a time that you can and will do it. Make it the same each day. That's how a habit is developed.

I'm a practitioner of TaiChi. I practice several forms daily. As well as meditating. Both are a huge help in mitigating my PTSD, which has a way to intruding at the worst of times. I do have to mention that I'm an ex-Marine so I learned or more likely honed my disciplinary skills while I was in the service. I don't advocate joining just for that though. Just kidding.

Once you can get past the first few weeks and start feeling the daily benefit of meditating, you won't want to stop. It can be hard when you really feel like you don't or can't do it. Do it anyway. It's part of developing the discipline needed to create a lifetime habit. Best of luck and stick with it.

JarHed

 

[DMerish]

Hi Toranoko,

I am a long time meditator also and I've attended many retreats. IMO retreats are, in general, very safe places. People are there for the same purpose. The location is usually peaceful, and life demands (i.e. day-to-day stressors/distractions) are lessened. To practice (or learn) meditation in a retreat setting can be a very satisfying experience. However, going from a retreat back to one's every-day life is often a challenge unless one has made meditation a discipline, practised a very long time, and has chosen the right type of meditation for their type. And I think that's fairly true for everyone - not just you.

IMO learing the right type of meditation is very, very important for people with PTSD. "Mindfulness Meditation" based on precepts outlined by Jon Kabat Zinn has been found to be helpful to many. I think what Quic said about meditation bringing on dissociated states and possibly being painful comes about when someone isn't practiced enough with using grounding techniques and/or weren't instructed in the right meditation type for them.

If you're having daily symptoms that are rather or severely bothersome, it can be difficult to establish a regular practice. So, yea, lower your standards/expectations. Figure out what could work for you - Wednesday and Saturday mornings for ten minutes or three minutes each morning of the week as JarHead alluded to? You don't have to begin at a precise time. For some, that's helpful but for others it's not. You can give yourself some leeway, like "every moring before I leave for work". Give thought to how you speak to yourself about your choice/decision. If you do something as in the example I just gave, then when you forget, and you reach for the door knob there's a chance you'll "wake up" and remember what you told yourself you would do. Then do it.

 

[Powder]

When I tried to practice zazen or sit meditation in which you try to accept whatever comes to you and simply "observe" your thoughts and breath, I had a real issue.

I would get started and just start to feel my consciousness shift, when I would get this image of a huge, black presence right in front of my face. I would open my eyes to tell myself it wasn't really there, but the feeling terrified and suffocated me.

This was really confusing to me until I had flashbacks and now realize that meditation removed the wall blocking the traumatic emotional memory.

The image was later captured really well in Harry Potter's "dementors." That is exactly what it "felt" or "looked" like in my mind's eye.

Later, I found guided meditations to feel safer and not leaving my mind too "open" for negative, repressed emotion to surface so suddenly.

 

[Seasounds]

I understand the experience of not being able to maintain a practice on your own. It is both a new habit, and a break from our culture's message-that we should always be "busy".

Meditation can also challenge some PTSD issues. Letting go of a 'concrete' reality and focusing on sensations (Mindfulness), can be uncomfortable. Using a mantra (merging with consciousness) can contribute to trauma-(opening memories) and can contribute to dissociative tendencies. Both meditation forms are 'an individual' experience, not a black and white "doing it right" experience.

Either way, starting to meditate is an opening to new experiences, that you can develop, your way. I love the wisdom shared above; practicing bit by bit, practicing moment to moment.

My practice went through a few stages. First using a mantra meditation, I found relaxation. Within a few months the mantra meditation both opened my intuition and opened up memories of trauma. Flooded with emotions that I didn't know how to process I had suicidal thoughts.
To regain some control, I stopped meditating for a while.

After my hiatus, I found my way to Mindfulness. This practice has been very helpful to me; I've got tools to relax, to be in the moment, and to regulate my emotions. Mindfulness has both closed-eye and open-eyed meditations. I like having both options.

This is a great topic. It is so nice to hear of others' experiences and to learn that I was not , nor am I alone.

 

[Bluerose]

They say practise makes perfect. My thoughts are that we practise meditation. As in it’s an ongoing practise. And there are so many types of meditation. Unless you are a Tibetan monk, I feel meditation should be flexible and not too strict. Routine is good but not essential. For people with PTSD and or dissociation issues, I think sitting meditation is good when we feel relatively relaxed and comfortable. Walking meditation is good for when we find it difficult to sit still for long periods of time. Breathing meditation (sitting comfortably counting your breathes as you breath slowly in and out) helps with relaxation. I say keep it simple. Do what feel right for you. Meditation also helps to quieten the mind. Other rituals like bathing and dressing for meditation, the use of candles or meditation chants and chimes, make meditation time more special. A healthy diet helps make meditation a more comfortable practise too.

I practise meditation every day. And I’m getting better and better every day. (smile)

 

[Hashi]

Like Muse, I've had to do guided meditation for some time rather than quiet meditation or even mindfulness meditation, because of scary things coming up. The other advantage of a guided meditation is that it has a beginning, middle and an end. That helps with the discipline of doing it. In my case, I listen to an audio and it's easier to think of sitting down and playing that, than just sitting down and meditating.

 

[maryiscontrary]

I have done meditation for 14 years, and there was a time that an up diagnosed autoimmune issue, Celiacs disease, was causing so much neurotoxicity I could not be mindful for more than a few seconds. Literally 3 days after quitting gluten, everything changed.

I have a suggestion. Listen to dharma talks, which there are many, many thousands of, any time you are having a hard time being still. Especially if you have trouble sleeping, just pop one in on your phone or tablet in bed. This will help you be mindful, over time.