Undiagnosed Hi, I'd Like To Talk About, Meet People That Were Abduction As A Child.

[boo urns]

I wasn't sure where I should put this.

Anyways my mother kind of kidnapped me when I was a child. No its not like they put the black bag over your head and toss you in the van.

I went willingly, cause she was you know my mom.

My parents are divorced. I was living with my father, cause my mother was an undiagnosed highly functional schizophrenic. Not sure how she got in the house. She basically woke me up in the dead of night, asked me if I'd like to go on a trip. Awesome, a trip I thought.

So she basically proceeded to sneak me out of the house. "Don't tell daddy, he won't let you go." I think I was six years old. So I was outside with my little suitcase, and then I saw my dad was there.

I think well, I don't know why, but he let me go. This is the thing that really gets me upset.

With my mother, I began to travel around stopping at motels. I was left alone a lot, for a whole day or so. I was really starting to worry, but then we did get to a really nice home. She was with this really rich guy. My room was decked out with custom made child sized furnishings. I asked why she would buy this if I was just on a trip.

She then told me "your going to be staying with me now." I thought she was lying, I already thought she was a little crazy.

But as time started to pass by, I thought my dad was going to come and get me.

When I realized he wasn't I felt completely abandoned by my father. That he had let me go because he didn't want me. etc etc.. I don't remember much after that, a lot of fear I guess, sadness, anger.

I not sure, but my father got the court involved, and like a month later cops picked me up or something.

I guess, has this happened to any one of you guys. What are/were your feelings? I'm told I have abandonment issues, thanks mom.

But I often get this full body, feeling of fear when I'm rejected, perceived or otherwise. I'm trying to use my mind to calm my body into recognizing that this is just my body's childhood rejection issues surfacing.

I really really, think this is all not that big of a deal when I see, read all the suffering that has happened to others. But my therapist told me to stop dismissing it, and well talk about it. I feel really really silly, cause this isn't traumatic. Nothing bad happened to me. But my therapist keeps telling me it is. I feel ashamed, and that upsets me. Really lame and weak to post something that really is nothing compared to real trauma .

I'd love to connect to someone about their own experiences around this subject.

 

[nursenurse]

Wow, you have quite the story. Welcome, you are among friends here.

Do not dismiss your experiences so easily. I am glad you are seeing a therapist who is looking deeper into what has happened to you. This is real trauma, it doesn't have to be all blood and guts. You cannot see damage to the psyche, and because of that, it is more difficult to get help, and is much easier to stigmatize.

Maltreatment and abandonment by parents I think, is the most damaging to the psyche. Parents are people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, and have your best interests at heart. I imagine there is more to your story than this incident, but clearly your trust towards the most important people in your childhood has been broken.

You are not lame, you are not weak. In fact you are very strong, to have sought out help here, and from a therapist. I hope you find the support you need here, you are far from alone.

 

[CVC]

Please don't minimize what happened to you. I've experienced a variety of traumas, both physical and emotional, and the rejection/abandonment issues have been some of the toughest for me. As nursenurse pointed out, sometimes the wounds on the inside are the most damaging. I am sorry you had to live through such hard times.

Welcome to the forum. I think you'll find a lot of supportive people here!

 

[Promicarus]

I agree with both CVC and nursenurse...the common, "average" person's perception of trauma is that in order to have "the right" to have symptoms, we must have witnessed or experienced a bloody and/or life threatening circumstance. Nothing could be further from the truth.

There's good, related info under the subject "object relations theory", and "attachment disorder". I know that, for me, a lot of reading was necessary before I could even feel as though I have the right to feel what I feel. Being betrayed/rejected as a child by a parent is a major source of a fear of/sensitivity to rejection (as you described), and general symptoms related to trauma/PTSD.

You have every right to your experiences. And you are among friends here. I have every hope that you will stay to read other's stories and identify. This has helped me enormously, in only a short time.

Be well, and know that there are others here who understand, and care--myself among them.

 

[DMerish]

Hi BooUrns,

It's understandable how you could have abandonment issues after what you went through. It sounds to me like your therapist could be right on target. There might be more to your story that you didn't tell in your intro because you didn't want to make it too long or because there's more about your story that you don't know.

I didn't go through what you've gone through, but something a bit similar. I don't want to take up a space describing. Nor minimize your post in any way or invalidate your feelings. However, saying that your dad just let you go may or may not be quite accurate.

There are a lot of laws at play surrounding child custody matters; laws may have prompted your dad to respond the way he did at the time your mom took you. So, I suggest finding a calm time when you and your father can be alone and for you to be honest with him - let him know you've been thinking about some things and you wonder what he remembers about when your mom took you.

Rather than asking him questions that only require a "yes" or "no" answer, make your inquiry "open ended" so he'll speak. If you can do this, then there's a good chance (IMHO) that you'll be able to make better sense of why things happened as they did. You'll come to your own truth about what happened in the past, and doing that can form a strong (favorable) foundation in having an adult self that you'll carry with you into the future. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. He or she can help you in your journey.

Welcome to the forum.

Drew

 

[Promicarus]

I have to agree with DMerish. Looking back on it now, with adult's eyes, did he really abandon you? He came back for you--sent the police to come get you. It seems likely he was just trying to go about it the legal way.

I don't say this to deny your child's experience of having been abandoned...I know that that emotional experience can stay with us as a reality, despite whatever we know as an adult.

But maybe you're carrying something with you that you could let go, at least somewhat, if you were to evaluate it with those adult's eyes. Did he really abandon you, if he sent the police for you to get you back?

 

[Candleflames]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

When I was about 4ish my mom took off with my sister and I to another state. My dad's family tracked us down and used legal measures to get us back. That is really just one small piece of the puzzle for me and, like others have posited, likely just a piece of your puzzle. Even if it isn't, even if that is all there is, having to be taken by police officers from one parent's care and returned to another parent's care would be traumatic to a young child. Living motel to motel and having a mentally ill mom is also going to have a profound effect on your sense of stability possibly making other events more severe to the you as a vulnerable child. Your pain is valid and real.

Something I have noticed from my own experiences and from interactions with others on here is that those of us who experienced trauma in childhood have a very hard time seeing our experiences for what they are. My best guess is that we normalized what was going on because it was how we could get through it. It was how we coped so we could survive. That defense that saved us then makes it very hard to give us the space to accept our pain as real and deserved. Keep talking to your therapist and here and eventually you will be able to give yourself that space to process and heal.

I look forward to seeing you around.

 

[nursenurse]

My feeling is that there is more. Could be horribly wrong though.

How much contact did you have with Mom after Dad got you back? Was there a tug of war throughout your child hood? Did Mom take you sometimes, and then send you back before the allotted time was up? Did Dad do this at any time as well? I see separations and divorce doing this to kids. "It's not my weekend, it's his." "She was supposed to get the kids, but she refused, and I was busy. It wasn't my turn."

Kids become pawns, or really, expendable checker pieces. If kids ever catch wind of anything like that, it makes them feel like everything that happened between the 'rents was their fault. And it was never about the kids, it was about the parents' own narcissistic wants and needs.

 

[DMerish]

Nursenurse: I feel your response was out of context. It's true, there could be more and some children do become pawns and have narcissistic parents. But the original poster did not divulge that being the case nor request feedback on it. Let's allow others to "finish their plates" before putting any other possible things on it by us.

 

[nursenurse]

I was saying that there was likely more. I was speaking in generalities, had asked some questions, and posed some food for thought. No more, no less, intended. Trying to take the blame from the poster. But point taken :)

 

[Promicarus]

I agree with you both, and I don't think what either you have said is mutually exclusive with the other's

Good point Dmerish, about not giving someone more than they're already dealing with.

Good point, nurse nurse, regarding trying to take the blame from the poster, and give some insight.

 

[ericaboo]

Welcome to the forum boo urns,

I'm curious - has your therapist diagnosed you with PTSD?

I definitely agree with other posters here that your trauma is real and not to be dismissed. I hope you find this site to be supportive.

-Erica