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Thank you both Cannot and The Albatross. Yes, I am working with a therapist and psychiatrist, but probably for multiple reasons my progress is slow. That self worth feels elusive. It think boundaries, set with the family or friends, is something that has changed in me as well. I am reticent and...

I pay them for the burden of me and they think the fee is well deserved. Somehow I have created a dynamic where I am considered such a hard job that my debt in un-payable. They are always doing me “grand" favors and no matter how I try to even the score it is never equal. For instance, I...

I have been searching my soul for honesty about this question, Prough. I find I am a bit blinded by the past. I did nothing but ask, beg, pray for help for so long only to finally accept the fact that for whatever reason, my vulnerability has been crushed on the way to the pulpit that crucifies...

I have been declared crazy, threatened with hospitalization and conservatorship confronted with mis-perceived lies as truth, told I am ungrateful, insolent, self absorbed and delusional. All the while begging on my hands and knees for help, benefit of the doubt, memory of what I once was, or at...

Today I went online to check my results which are positive for Lyme disease. My boyfriend of 1.5 yrs has tried endlessly to locate that key that fits my lock. The one that will reduce all symptoms, pain and suffering. God bless him since everyone left long ago. But I have been positive for many...

Forever it seems I have been saying that I can’t do this anymore. "This" is the struggle, the conflict, the upheaval. It is more physical than emotional these days, I am numb in my soul as my health continues to dive. The numbness serves me, keeping me a safe distance from what feels unbearable...

I am horrified for you. The dentist was inappropriate and you deserve to have your teeth taken care with respect. You deserve to talk about the experience afterward and be treated with respect. Period. Finding our voice when it counts is the goal and transformation is messy. Leaving this site...

I really relate to the struggle, going back has always been the hit I needed, kinda like a shot of heroin for a junkie in detox. But, I get a little less high every time I give in, going back. I am sorry for your suffering. My solution has been simplistic perhaps. I find a mentor and follow...

Lately I feel hopeless. All the hard work, facing so much ugliness and evil, the inflow of memories seem endless. I am losing time like crazy and it is this single aspect of my ptsd that frightens me most. Besides for the completely blank periods I have this constant disassociation from where I...

I relate to the feeling and welcome you!

I have stated this innumerable times in the last decade. For a long while after the assaults, I was terrified to leave my house because I frequently found myself in dangerous situations, facing harsh consequences, simply walking to the corner store, for instance. Once, while watering my...

Sometime today only need eloquent sentences. PLANTS

They can be intollerable. I have tinnitus and hearing loss. For the last 4-5 yrs I hear music playing, but cannot tell if it is real or not. The songs are extremely varied, nothing I have ever heard before. I hear them so clearly I could orchestrate the band and feed the lines to the singer...

......nothing. It is perfectly imperfect.

Erratic ecstasy rarely accumulates God-given joy. PLUMES

Only relate comically henceforth, it’s discovery. COOKIE

I sympathize completely. I like to think that all emotions make sense. Mental illness makes sense. The things that I feel, don’t feel and disassociate from, I do for very good reasons. If I view my mental and emotional states as rational, perhaps reacting to irrational events, then I trust...

CPTSD, Major Depression, ADD, OCD, Drug induced mania, Narcolepsy.

I agree wholeheartedly and very well put!!!! The fear of the word feels very similar to the fact that people cringe when I utter the word. Someone recently lectured me that she could no longer tolerate me since all I talk about is rape. There is no truth to this, but I do believe it feels to...

Things improved for me after a few years. My senses would not move on and small triggers brought the aroma of his death back as if it were the same moment. But the most difficult aspect for me was letting go that it was my fault he died. At the time I knew nothing about heart failure, nor had I...

Two steps forward, three back. I took the plunge 9 months ago and finally reported the GYN that assaulted me to the Calif. Medical Board. I felt my guts were ripped out as I completed the paperwork with my rape crisis counselor. Now I am in the final weeks of the excruciatingly long process...

I relate to your fear and am sorry for the current pain. You are sane and your sanity will prevail. I find ebb and flow in my symptoms recently. This is good news since there was no ebb at all for the first five years after the traumas. But I don't feel control over ptsd, whatsoever. So in the...

The 21st was my anniversary. Ten years ago there was an amazing party in Hawaii with close friends and family, the funnest 4 days ever. Unfortunately there was a groom. The end of the 4days in Maui marked the beginning of the worst decade in my life. Perhaps darkness was set in motion by that...

Gosh, I am not sure where I fit, but any memory thread hits a chord. I can't keep track of time. I wake on Monday morning and by evening it is Friday. It confuses me, horrifies me, makes me unsure of all reality since time seems the basis of most. Memory is a slippery world for me.

That is a great decision, as I see it! Good for you! Don't let him take your money unless you are comfortable and in control. That other circumstance might just lead to more trauma. I have noticed the attack from all sides hasn't let up even when I give up on confronting. The attack of the...