Two steps forward, three back.
I took the plunge 9 months ago and finally reported the GYN that assaulted me to the Calif. Medical Board. I felt my guts were ripped out as I completed the paperwork with my rape crisis counselor. Now I am in the final weeks of the excruciatingly long process, awaiting the notification of the final decision by a medical professional in the same field.
The Board is slow at best keeping me informed, the last letter they sent was only in response to my phone calls inquiring.
The medical professional is the final word regarding my complaint and with this determination the Board will decide punishment if any. I am terrified with either response, any victory tempered by a real fear of retaliation. Any loss leads to the oh so familiar drop into an abyss of isolation, shamefully feeling different at my core since most never face such evil.
My contact with others remains limited. My attempts to find counseling in my remote location have brought painfully compassion-less sessions, verifying my efficacy in fight/flight.
I am told by my “normies” to move on and let it go. But I remember not one of them showed when I encountered the man in my hallway bearing a knife, the aftermath of the roofie rape by my friend of 15 years, nor certainly any help while I bled out for 4 days after the assault by my GYN.
Clearly my safety resides not within them and their judgments. My own distorted judgments I tirelessly attempt to clarify, unleash and hone, admitting I allowed that “doctor” to nearly kill me, I never ran out the door in protest.
I don’t seek advice or validation. I guess I just hope to be heard.
I am racked by shame and guilt, yet some small light inside burns brightly urging me to seek truth over comfort.
Thank you for reading.
I took the plunge 9 months ago and finally reported the GYN that assaulted me to the Calif. Medical Board. I felt my guts were ripped out as I completed the paperwork with my rape crisis counselor. Now I am in the final weeks of the excruciatingly long process, awaiting the notification of the final decision by a medical professional in the same field.
The Board is slow at best keeping me informed, the last letter they sent was only in response to my phone calls inquiring.
The medical professional is the final word regarding my complaint and with this determination the Board will decide punishment if any. I am terrified with either response, any victory tempered by a real fear of retaliation. Any loss leads to the oh so familiar drop into an abyss of isolation, shamefully feeling different at my core since most never face such evil.
My contact with others remains limited. My attempts to find counseling in my remote location have brought painfully compassion-less sessions, verifying my efficacy in fight/flight.
I am told by my “normies” to move on and let it go. But I remember not one of them showed when I encountered the man in my hallway bearing a knife, the aftermath of the roofie rape by my friend of 15 years, nor certainly any help while I bled out for 4 days after the assault by my GYN.
Clearly my safety resides not within them and their judgments. My own distorted judgments I tirelessly attempt to clarify, unleash and hone, admitting I allowed that “doctor” to nearly kill me, I never ran out the door in protest.
I don’t seek advice or validation. I guess I just hope to be heard.
I am racked by shame and guilt, yet some small light inside burns brightly urging me to seek truth over comfort.
Thank you for reading.
