Do You Feel That You Are More Susceptable To Consequences Than Others?

[Changing4Best]

I have lost 2 dear friends over the stupidest of things. In both cases, I think others were involved, advising these friends against my friendship with them. In one case, the person's mother felt that others would think that my friend and I were lesbians because we were so close, went everywhere together and liked to wear matching outfits. So she quite being my friend, just because of what her mother thought of our friendship.

In the second case, my friend promised me something and then reneg'ged on the deal. Being PTSD and being super disappointed, I got angry at her a bit, but also tried to make her keep her promise to me. My mistake. She said she no longer wanted to be my friend. In the second case, I can see her side of it, but in the first case, I am still very sickened by the influence her mother had on her. I had invested years in that friendship and when it dissolved just like that, after we had been closer than sisters, I was and still am heart broken. She still remains in touch by Facebook, but other than that, we have no contact.

Yes, heavy consequences. I don't understand why really either. Thankfully I have been able to make some new friends, after I moved 600 miles away from where I used to live. Still, the second "friend" lives here where I moved to, so I still have to deal with the loss of that friend occasionally. And it hurts!

 

[pamcoco]

I get this, I'm incredibly cautious about not getting into trouble or getting something wrong because, for me, the consequences feel like they're life threatening.

I have stated this innumerable times in the last decade.

For a long while after the assaults, I was terrified to leave my house because I frequently found myself in dangerous situations, facing harsh consequences, simply walking to the corner store, for instance.

Once, while watering my front yard, I witnessed a burglary. I got into my car for safety, since he saw me, then wound up in a 25 minute high speed chase, fleeing the man now trying to smash into my car. Unfortunately, the 5 LAPD patrol cars and helicopter decided on Chinese for lunch, instead of tracking down the burglar that sped away when they rounded the corner.

When I asked the lead officer what I should do if the burglar returned since he knew where I lived, he encouraged me to be familiar with the easiest route over my 8 foot fence. So, I learned every conceivable exit. Still, I wasn't comforted and didn't leave my house for 2 weeks.

People around me were baffled at first, then decided I was somehow causing violence and abuse. First the 3 sexual assaults in 3 months, then bad luck and danger constantly surrounding me. The few remaining "friends" joked that they would never get on a plane with me.

I have many one liners to shoot off the barrage of resentment and blame poured down by my once close relations. Furious that I couldn't rebound as they insisted I should, the social consequences eventually surpassed any fear of another assault.

I am a chosen one, as it seems many on the site are. Chosen to deeply know the dark and the light in the world. I now firmly believe that it is in duality that truth lies and my willingness to walk the shadows is a blessing to those that are new to the setting sun.

Thanks for a wonderful discussion, Fadeaway! This really hits home.

 

[shimmerz]

It makes sense. The consequences for doing nothing bad (and god help me when I WAS bad) were extreme and unpredictable though most of my life. The question is, how much of that is a program that runs in my head and how much is real. Certain people, I have found, are insane in their responses to anyone who challenges them.

Still figuring out how to change the program safely.

 

[mamachick]

Im not sure if I feel more susceptible to negative consequences, but I know I have an overly developed sense of responsibility. Seems I have never just been able to go along light hearted and let things fall as they may, as when I have, it falls back on me. Its always been my job to be the driver and when I haven't, something has happened to make me late to where I have to go and have caught hell. When friends have been acting silly or careless, my job to pull them back in.

I think this is tied to being the scapegoat and learning this at a very young age. Im responsible for me, and anyone around me. Comes from being raised around dysfunctional, self righteous, narcissists, and many other traits that are simply unreasonable and seek blame for anything that goes wrong.

 

[Panda Bear]

Yes. I'm very sensitive to failures,not being heard, messing up, doing wrong or being viewed as bad! When I make mistakes, I'm always worried they won't be forgiven and will always be remembered and brought against me later down the road.

Taking chances has also been difficult for me to do. Surly someone will notice and I'll be punished.

T has worked tirelessly to change this thought process in my life. So much that I've applied for school, and pending financial aid, I'm looking at retraining to college in the fall!

I still struggle, but life is so much better now.