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That's a pretty advanced aspect of emotional understanding, when you learn that a person may have more or different emotions inside than are showing on the outside. Most kids don't figure that out until age 8 or later. It's important knowledge for your guy, though! Especially for self...

Any addiction can be a distraction. Is there a Gamblers Anonymous near you? Twelve step meetings are free.

It's good that you're starting to communicate. Keep going!

There's nothing worse than that moment of panic and helplessness. Glad you've got him back, and that it was just a brief time he was on his own. You're doing your best. Keep up the good work.

Yes, I have both a husband and a boyfriend. And in answer to the logical next question, yes, they know about each other and in fact we've gone out socially together, and my husband and boyfriend together have done a bunch of work on our house. My boyfriend gets along well with my son and with...

Thanks for your honesty. I go to Al Anon, I go to my therapist, and I have a loving and supportive husband, friends and family. My bf has made many positive changes in a life with many difficulties and challenges. I know alchohol may kill him, and may maim him along the way. I love him and...

Great to hear how far you have come, and that you're in a healthy situation now. Well done.

I'm the supporter and my bf is the sufferer, from childhood abuse and also from combat. He is pretty good about accepting things I give him, for example if I buy dinner, or like yesterday, his refrigerator was a bit empty and I brought a few groceries over. He says thank you. He has a lot...

Treating your partner with contempt = one of the biggest danger signs in a relationship. You need some minimum of positive interactions to have a healthy relationship, even when there are big difficulties like ptsd. John Gottman has a some great books about building a more positive, healthy...

Congratulations on getting out of a bad marriage and starting on a healing path. I hope you will find this a safe space. Sometimes it's easier to talk about tough stuff when you write it down and send it out into the world to be read by people whose faces you might not see, but who respond...

Brat, I don't know you at all, but it sounds like isolating yourself isn't helping. You don't want to burden your friends, but that's what friends are for. Since you slept a lot better with someone else in the house, how about asking one or two friends to sleep over a couple of times a week...

It's very tough to quit smoking. My sweetie uses e cigarettes also, at least when I'm around. Allen Carr's Easy Way to Quit Smoking is a good book and has worked for many who want to quit.

When she's being mean, just say, very calmly, something like, I see you are not in the mood for conversation, or I see you are grumpy, and we can talk about this later. And walk away. In my own situation, I have started to tell my sweetie if he is being mean. Or I say, STOP. Walking away...

I am not an attorney or anything, but this all sounds like you need to document, document, document, get a good lawyer, get sole custody (if he constantly abandons your kid, those are some excellent grounds right there), and get a restraining order. And possibly change your email, change your...

My therapist had an observation: that sometimes when a partner pushes you away, it's because they need space and may not be able to ask for it in so many words. So her suggestion was the opposite of the Vet Center's counselor. Give them the space. Take the pressure off entirely. Back away a bit...

Eleanor, thanks for the pointer to the books of Peter Levine. I am a supporter and while my sweetie is resistant to the idea of therapy, I am seeing a therapist myself who has experience with trauma survivors. Why? Because she can shine a light of understanding on his behavior, and help me...

I was feeling pretty down this week. When I'm faced with a new situation, I like to learn everything I can about it. Although PTSD is not new in my life, I've just recently really opened my eyes to it and noticed behaviors in my sweetie that are definitely related. So I've been immersed in it...

Sounds like it's all about the boundaries here. Physical space boundaries (where kids can do construction and when, and where and when they can't). Time boundaries (how about you need the husband to be home / covering home fires a minimum number of hours a week, or a specific set of hours on...

Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger than to a friend or family member. If there's no relationship at stake, there is less risk in revealing rough stuff that might scare the listener.

Distraction through some constructive and / or creative activity is a good thing. I'd be curious to know whether the medical professionals he is seeing have expertise treating combat ptsd and trauma. If they don't, it may be that they're not helping. On the other hand, if they do, once you...

Thanks for the reassurances. I know intellectually that it's not my fault, and most of the time I do pretty well at being detached. It sucks to have hope, and then have to turn around and go back to one day at a time. He hates doctors. He'd have to be a lot sicker to go see one. Although...

My sweetie is an alcoholic and has been drinking as long as I've known him, three and a half years, and owns up to more than ten years of heavy drinking altogether. He's got a complex case, survived childhood physical and emotional abuse and then added another layer of combat trauma. He's...

Posting a little more about my situation here since it's still by way of introduction. Apologies for length. I try to be readable. I'm married, with a ten-year-old son. My husband and I have been in an open relationship as long as we've been together (more than fifteen years, married for...

Very glad to hear that you are taking constructive action. I've been with my bf for three and a half years but it's only recently that I've started to develop better habits when he's triggered. Recognizing his state of mind is the first step. And not engaging when he's in the moment has...

There's a lot of good information here, and people who can relate.