General Runaway

[PTSDMama]

I'll try to condense this, as I'm a whirl of emotions right now.

Last night, our son ran away. We got him back...but our 6 year old ran away. Those words just do not seem to fit together. He is in so much pain and we are in it with him. Our sweet boy just feels so deeply and despite all we do, he sometimes runs. This time, he disappeared and we couldn't find him for an excruciating 10 minutes.

My husband was with him, and our son got mad because of a limit set on him and out the front door he went. My husband was of course right behind him, but he was fast. There are more details, but I won't bore you with them.

When we got him back, he sobbed and said he misses birth mom (who is totally unhealthy for him and who caused his issues), and he misses his friend who moved away. No matter what we tell him about stranger danger, he thinks he can outrun anyone who tries to hurt him and thinks he's self sufficient to do so.

We have put protections in to make sure we can catch him if he runs. But we are so fearful at this moment in time. I don't even want to let him out of the house! Of course I will, and we'll play outside, etc. But man, it's scary.

That's it for now - they're waiting for me to come out of my workplace so I just wanted to vent on here quickly before I go home. Thanks for reading.

 

[Tinyflame]

I am so sorry. :(
It may help to read 'Batgirl's' words here, about running.
I am 43, and still can't sometimes stop myself.

I am so sorry for the pain it has caused you. :(
((((((Hugs)))))

 

[NIKI]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear that your little boy is going through so much right now. Have you taken him to a therapist to try and talk out what is bothering him?

Also, when my son was little we put the locks way up high on the doors where he couldn't reach them just to keep him safe.

Peace to you and your little boy.

 

[Tinyflame]

There are reverse locks also available, try the Alzheimer's Society.
But there are windows. :(

You have to get to the heart of the pain.
There is an excellent book on child grieving (with similar acting out)- I will try to find the title for you. (It's for parents).

 

[NIKI]

Maybe you could have one of those companies come out to your house and child-proof your home. If that is to expensive maybe go to the Library to get a book with some great tips on that.

 

[LizardViolet]

There's nothing worse than that moment of panic and helplessness. Glad you've got him back, and that it was just a brief time he was on his own. You're doing your best. Keep up the good work.

 

[Eleanor]

GPS watch? I hear you PTSDmama, L got out of line of sight for a few minutes the other day and.... PANIC. She was fine of course. Asked her to stay in line of sight so I don't get so scared. She was very nice about it.

It is heartbreaking how much grief your little guy has in his life already. If it is any comfort (although a totally different scale - my L spent the hour before bed Wed night crying her eyes out over our pets who've died. (Two dogs, three cats) "But I don't want that to have happened, mommy!" and scared herself "I can't stop crying!". Poor baby. I find with her (and I understand she is a totally different case - so maybe for the future - but it's hard to tell what will "catch" or not) it seems to help if I remind her that no feeling lasts for more than an hour. (with her it is more like 20 minutes!)

How lucky he is to have you and your H. Hugs all around.

 

[PTSDMama]

Thanks, everyone. Someone told my mom we need to put a harness on him.

We went out for a long hike today with my parents - we were out for at least 4-5 hours with no running away (yay!). We get home and he is so torn up - his fan didn't work right and he starts hitting me and sobbing and trying to run. That took him an hour and a half to get calmed down from, with my help. The therapist says that home is where he feels safest to break down, so that's why he does that here.

Regarding the locks, he gets up on a stool and unlocks them. So I think we need to do away with the stools, etc., put them somewhere he can't get to them. We also try to be in the same room with him whenever we can but you know, sometimes you gotta shower. :-)

Eleanor, sorry you've had so much loss with animals! That's tough.

Whew! I'm exhausted....from hiking, fresh air, and my son's rage. Poor little guy, he is too. Thanks for the advice, insight and kind words.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Lovely to read of your walk, the outdoors & running free :)

Regarding doors, my suggestion is that you need two handles, one top and one middle. That way only an adult can operate both together, a child can't reach both at once.

Also, have you got a garden or yard? If so, try some den building. Help to give him a safe run away and hide place where no adults can "get" him. It might help to think of Vigotsky's theory of ZPD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zone_of_proximal_development) in supporting him to build the den.

PW, x

 

[Pale Warrior]

ps Age 7, I "lived" in a large cardboard box for over a year, I think it had a cooker in it to begin with. I called it "The Ark" and decorated it with felt pens and crayons. I had blankets and cusions and a torch for reading. Eventually it fell apart and, despite my best efforts at repair, I had to give it up to the bin men. No ready made "wendy house" could replace it.

Some days I wish I still had it now...